|Reviews for Chocolate Chip Cookies|
| Mieu-san chapter 8 . 8/29/2009
Well, even if you hated it, I liked this chapter. The writing flowed well, the developments made sense, and the dialogue was OK. It seems a little less involved than your usual chapters, but I still think it is something of an improvement, because there was no part of it which jumped out and made me want to complain. Really, aside from the more simplistic quality-and I do like how in-depth your stories are-my only issue is that for all of the buildup, the actual confession was sort of rushed and it failed to convince me that the events would definitely follow that pattern.
Gotta say, I also loved the first paragraph. You're quite insightful.
| Mieu-san chapter 7 . 8/28/2009
OK, I love this chapter! I really felt like Daniel was in character and the other characters seemed like actual people, if slightly extreme on the scale of good and evil. However, I think it is a vast improvement.
I am also secretly quite glad that someone chewed Zachary out, and that they did it in Spanish.
The plot really seems to be ready to move, and I can't wait to read more.
| Mieu-san chapter 6 . 8/28/2009
I really love Eliza's speech. It was very amusing. I think I would have to kill the both of them at this point, though.
Complaint-wise, I find it somewhat annoying that they are all saying how Zachary will make a move but HE NEVER DOES.
And Daniel is being something of a wimp as well.
However, the plot remains cohesive and interesting, and after a while, the mood swings seem sort of normal, as do the hijinks.
| Mieu-san chapter 5 . 8/28/2009
Ooh, cranky Daniel. He's pretty volatile. Drama among friends too-that's pretty unusual in the usual 'homosexual clan' part of literature.
I can't believe Zachary hasn't figured it out by now, though. That's obvious even to me.
And I agree with him, Nicole having a camera in the bathroom is pretty weird.
As far as the chapter itself goes, I think it flowed pretty well and it kept me interested, although the action is staying a little bit slow. I can respect that, though, since you're focusing on the relationship aspect of the story.
| Mieu-san chapter 4 . 8/28/2009
OK, even I have to admit, the whole tacklehug bit was really cute. I'm also glad that Zachary is being reasonable and that someone is making him do something. Although I feel like he should be doing more to try and initiate his own relationship. That's just me personally, though.
I also love the use of foreign languages-yet again, still me personally.
Eliza has serious guts too.
| Mieu-san chapter 3 . 8/28/2009
Alright, I have a legitimate complaint against this chapter, although its more of a personal pet peeve than anything else. The principal and the teacher are both overwhelming antagonistic and unfair. It's very good for garnering outrage among the casual reader, but a lot of people including myself, will be annoyed by this sort of scene. Both of the antagonists are incredibly out of place-their behavior happens among the lowest common denominator, not professionals in charge. They are required to be impartial in what they say. Plus, they would usually at least listen to Daniel.
Rant over, I promise.
I really like Daniel's last name, tho'. _
| Mieu-san chapter 2 . 8/28/2009
Hm, and the intrigue builds. I really can't imagine a teacher like Ms. Stella. Is she a character from experience or did you just create her?
I like Nicole too. Although Zachary has slightly annoyed me by being kind of wimpy about the whole thing with Daniel while Nicole and Ms. Stella are so adamant about it. You'd think one of them would just tell Daniel if they're so concerned about it. The situation seems a bit unrealistic there.
Yet again, the dialogue is witty, although the vocabulary from the first page (which I greatly enjoyed) seems to have shrunk somewhat. It makes me sad...
| Mieu-san chapter 1 . 8/28/2009
Since you made me ditch my anonymous reviewing in the dark... Sigh. Atch well, it's still fun~
Alright, review of chapter one:
I really like the way you used dialogue. There were several good quips, but sometimes you change emotions too quickly. For instance, when Daniel is being all angsty over getting Zachary in trouble, his mood changes too quickly to be natural. Plus if he was planning to be goofy with the drawing on the hand thing, then he should be able to take a bit of teasing.
I also think that the teacher is a bit unrealistic what with all the swearing and mean-talking and then getting upset when she gets chewed out. Usually it's a lot tougher to shock a mean teacher. They tend to be pretty tough.
The plot is present, although I have no idea where you're going to take the story-which can be very fun. You also introduced the characters well, I think, although I expect to hear more about Hannah, since you took the time to introduce her. I really want to see where the story goes, though.
| capturethecamera chapter 8 . 4/16/2009
I just read your story today and thought it was awesome. I love the characters you have created and the way you have presented their relationships and I really hope you continue soon because I would love to read how this story develops :D
| Switch chapter 8 . 1/19/2009
So, I always try to go into stories with an open mind and no offense, but your story really makes you come off as a very close-minded person. First with your Christianity bashing in the beginning.
I am a Christian and I support equal rights for gays and I am willing to study the male anatomy. My best friend is a nurse and she went to a Christian university where they used prosthetic penises to practice catheterizing. I understand that a lot of gays are biased against Christianity, but I feel that I am entitled to share my perspective.
Secondly, your thing with the pizza guy. My boyfriend is actually a delivery guy for Dominos and yes, there is a lot of stereotyping that goes with that job, but that is not to say that every pizza delivery guy is a pimply loser.
Also, tip your delivery guy more than 44 cents. Seriously? That's just a jerk move. They get 15-20%, just like a normal waiter. And from the crazy spending sprees your characters go on in the next few chapters, they can afford to give the guy a decent tip. Cut him a break since he's probably never had a date before, as you said.
So those are the content things that really bothered me. I 'll comment on the actual story now. Your writing is really good. You're one of the few people on this site that have close to zero spelling or grammar mistakes and your style is, a nice balance between descriptive writing and dialogue.
Your characters could use a little more developing in the way that I don't know much about them other than their orientation. What do they like to do? What are their dreams, goals, etc? Eliza is the only one with a real physical description of her appearance. There was a brief one of Zachary, but not a whole lot. You also haven't really explained why Zachary knows French. Also in chapter 1 your write that Daniel's last name is Toberman and in Chapter 3 it's Löfgren.
Really, you could be doing a lot more than this story with your writing ability. It's fine to start off with cliche romance, but really, you're a more talented writer than this story of two childhood best friends falling for each other displays. Finish this one up then start something new, something more original. And please try to be less biased and cliche.
| UnknownHypocrite chapter 8 . 6/28/2008
Wow. I really like it so far even if I didn't appreciate the cliffe! lol. I like how you have had them know each other for like forever and they develope feelings. I'm not sure I like the brattiness of the little sister, I don't know any nine year old that curse. Oh, well. We can't have everything.
Keep writing and I can't wait until the next update!
| Ty Taco chapter 8 . 6/28/2008
Your story was great.
Up until this chapter.
Chapter 8 was plain horrible.
He should know that you can't do that to people.
You can't randomly kiss people.
This chapter upset me.
I need chapter 9 to make it better.
| Sara Frisch chapter 8 . 6/27/2008
Oh, honey, don't worry. This chapter is not crappy. I actually enjoyed it. Keep writing!
| Thread of Life chapter 8 . 6/27/2008
I love these characters! And I really want to know what happens next. Haha I can't believe he just kissed him like that.
| WTF OMG STFU chapter 7 . 5/6/2008
ah. I really like this story, it's good! i like Nicole and Eliza, their funny! Zach and Daniel are cute!