Reviews for Good Girl
Angel-Leigh Jones chapter 2 . 6/16/2008
hiya

very intense - but it has to be otherwise it wouldn't come across real. I love SVU if thats special victims unit.

angel
BookGeek72 chapter 2 . 6/14/2008
that was intense, the way you hinted at something bad happening to her...at how she's afraid for her daughter...the way you described it the way a child would see it..its rather sad...
D L Dzioba chapter 2 . 5/7/2008
I'm really crying now, that's horrible. Oh my goodness. *hug tight* I'm so sorry.
D L Dzioba chapter 1 . 5/7/2008
I know I promised a depth review, but please accept a torrent of easy-fix reviews. You're writing is good, I've been sampling it over the past two days. Already this story has me about ready to cry.
Esther Jade chapter 2 . 5/4/2008
Overall, I found this very powerful. I honestly felt like throwing up at the end.

I still found that some bits don't feel like a six/seven-year old but less so than in the previous chapter. I thought her earnest focus on the ceiling was realistic psychologically but there's a bit of an inconsistency with it. If she's only just going into first grade, she probably can't count further than ten and she definitely doesn't know about fractions yet.

Your characterisation of the doctor seemed really good. He was creepy and very manipulative. I thought the fact that the "good little girl" refrain still had power over her was so poignant.

I also liked the way you contrasted her experience of the shot with her daughter's. It's really powerful.

One of the things that I particularly liked about this story is that she has managed to grow up and get married and be what sounds like a good mother. Even though her trauma as a child still has such a hold on her, it sounds like she's been able to escape it and grow beyond it.

Minor points:

he reads the papers - It strikes me that "charts" might be a better word choice than "papers".

no noise, please. - Typo. That first letter should be capitalised.

by sudden breakdown - I think a word is missing between "by" and "sudden".

he paused and then added threateningly, “now.” - Typos. Both "he" and "now" should start with capital letters.
Esther Jade chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
I like the echo that you put into the story. The contrast between her daughter's experience and her own is very powerful.

In terms of portraying the two little girls, her daughter comes across more clearly. I don't know if it's deliberate but the sections from the mother's perspective (when she's a child) feel like an older woman projecting her thoughts onto the experience.

The sections from the mother's perspective as an adult, though, work well. You create a good feeling of suspense up front and I think the tension between what she knows is happening and what she's remembering is well-conveyed. It's incredible how revisting a place similar to one with strong memories can bring them back.

I liked how you showed how the mother had grown up into being so responsible.

I didn't find the story offensive but then I watch a lot of SVU.

Minor points:

It was very different than this one - I don't know if it might read better if you changed "than" to "from".

my daughters name - Apostrophe missing from "daughters".

The sound of the nurse calling my daughters name startles me into today. - There might be a better way to show this; rather than telling.

tugging me down the clean bright hallway she follows the nurse into the room. - As this isn't describing how she says it, it should start with a capital letter and there needs to be a comma before "she".

doctors smiling face - Again, an apostrophe missing.

Nothing bad will ever happen to my little girl. - I find this sentence particularly poignant.
Johannas mirror chapter 2 . 5/3/2008
you wrapped me up in sorrow.

for a child to be so stained by cruelty.

...beautifully written.
Johannas mirror chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
"coughing hacking " should have a comma between it, but I didn't notice anything else.

This was masterfully written. You REALLY engaged me, fantastic job.

jo,
GRAYTEXT chapter 2 . 5/2/2008
So sad, but I know things like this happen. I hope someone will benefit from it.
Midnight Adrenaline chapter 2 . 5/1/2008
It's so...dark and sad. You say this is true? Based on your life, or someone else's? It's just, wow.
Midnight Adrenaline chapter 1 . 5/1/2008
Wow, this is good. When you change POV it's a bit confusing, and then of course the flashbacks. But I managed to understand it. And the way you mix darkness, fear, the mother's past with the light, happy, present. It's wonderful. I'll read chapter 2 right away.
GRAYTEXT chapter 1 . 5/1/2008
I don't find it offensive. Sad, but not offensive. I think its good to put stuff like this out there. No one can fix it if they don't know it's happening. Maybe this will help someone. Please finish it.