|Reviews for Beautiful|
| chansie41 chapter 1 . 8/22/2008
wow,., a guy's thoughts revealed...
| Katie Nicole chapter 1 . 8/16/2008
This is beautiful, and therefore the title is very fitting.
As a girl, I will credit you for making your main character such a romantic gentleman.
The line that caught me was:
“Please don’t cry.” I said. “When you cry, it feels like my world is ending.”
Any girl would melt if someone said that to her. And so on that note, bravo, you really did a lovely job.
Also, I love the dimension you describe; it seems personal to me, something of yours that you decided to share, which makes it all the more special. I don't know. I think everyone has that place they escape to. It feels like you're describing yours, and you do describe it so wonderfully.
You're very articulate, which is a good thing. I can appreciate. I love wordiness, and I really like the way you write. But if I may be honest, reading this it kind of sounded like you were sitting there with a thesaurus, replacing every average word that came to mind. While you're really gifted at illustrating things with your vocabulary, keep in mind it's okay to use at least a few average words. It sounds somewhat more realistic, and while this is beautifully descriptive, but somewhat difficult to read.
Then again, you weren't trying to be realistic, you were aiming for fantasy, so perhaps I'm wrong.
I don't have a very hard time understanding, though, which is good.
And it appeals to my romantic side, as I mentioned before (:
| OneMoreMiracle chapter 1 . 8/13/2008
I love this. Heh. It reminds me of the book I'm currently reading, and with this book I can't put it down. I love the way you wrote this, and the way you spoke about everything even colours. It's really awesome hehe
| Counting Petals chapter 1 . 6/30/2008
"Reality is always more painful than fantasy." My thoughts exactly. And as much as I keep telling myself this, I can't help but slip into fantasy again. I thought you did a great job getting this point across. Nicely done )
| lymli chapter 1 . 6/12/2008
well, outside sometimes sucks and he and she have a particular world to be together, maybe it's not a sad ending but I think it's sad avoiding reality, but live in fantasies is something everybody does.
| Unique1952 chapter 1 . 6/7/2008
This was great. I love dreaming so this story really appealed to me.
Your imagery and descriptions were amazing in this piece so I really enjoyed reading.
Nice work with this, another amazing piece.
| Amertie chapter 1 . 5/15/2008
The description in this is amazing. I'm not sure how to phrase this, so forgive me if I'm wrong, but I'm guessing it's not a reality?
Either way, it's written beautifully. The emotion is clear,and your sentence structure is amazing. It flows perfectly. I love how you tied the beginning to the end with the quote and the description of colors.
The only thing I could find to criticize was: "“You understand. I know you do.” I seriously said."
It sounds a little better if you put said before seriously, but that's just me being picky.
Great work, I enjoyed reading it.
| L.B. Dale chapter 1 . 5/4/2008
This was beautifully written. I only wish I was capable of such poetic description.
| D.E. Sinatra chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
Nice piece of work. Very interesting, and it certainly made me think. Just a caution - but watch purple prose - it's nice to be poetic and prosy, but there is a line. However, I still enjoyed the piece.
Made me think :D
| dropping dew chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
I enjoyed this and the message behind it! Your descriptions were also very nice and vivid, just make sur you don't overdo it. Sometimes I'll find myself putting an adjective in front of every word and my story ends up sounding a little fake, but that might just be me. Anyway, this was a very good piece.
| firefly114 chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
This is good- I like how you leave out many details, how it's up to the reader to interpret it. You also use great descriptions and images and I really liked it. Good work!
| Lise Meitner chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
This is very good! I do agree with acapella down there, though; the giant first paragraph might deter some potential readers. Other than that minor detail, however, I really enjoyed the descriptive imagery and deep emotions in this piece. :)
| By Design Juliet chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
It's a very nice piece; I'm not sure if my interpretation is what you're going for, but I'm not a symbolistic type of person, so any possible symbolism is lost on me.
My only complaints are that you used spectrum twice in the second paragraph, and the part about, "At that point, reality was distant, so distant that I did not even know it existed."
This one part bothers me, because if he (I'm guessing the gender) doesn't know about reality, how can he feel its' distance? Personally, I would go with something to the effect of, "Reality was so distant it may have very well been nameless- and therefore, not real to us." That's just me.
Other than those two things (forgive me, I'm a bit of a nit-picker) I enjoyed it.
Since your summary said you review back, and it also says you're a romantic, you might enjoy "And I Watch". It's a short romance piece I found on my thumbdrive a while back and decided it was decent enough by my standards to post here.
| acapella33 chapter 1 . 5/3/2008
The writing was great, and you portrayed the emotions really well.
I would suggest cutting the first paragraph in half though. FictionPress is full of lazy people, and such a big paragraph can be quite daunting.
It was a bit confusing, and I had to read it over twice before I really got it, but still real good.