Hah, it's like you're psychic way before the fact or something, I complain about too few characters and you immediately throw in not only another primary one, but also add a dimension to the storyline. (And by the way, I got held up on a phone call for a while, so... I'm going to have to come back to this, just to warn you).

For some reason, the Eossi section struck me as being better than the first chapter. (Maybe you rushed through the first chapter to fill the word requirement... *frowns sternly*). Ah gosh, sorry, I'm really going to have to come back to this, but I think I can try to finish up tomorrow or something, sorry! I hope you have anon reviews enabled... or else you're going to get a very long ch 3 review or a PM...

It's shocking, but I've... come back from the dead. *waves zombie arms trailing hunks of dead flesh and decaying clothing* I've finally come to give you loverly reviews! I started reading this before and thought it was a very good piece, and now I get to sit down and really get into it! Well, at least for a little while; I'm pretty sure I can read and review 350 words in two hours (especially since guidelines are there), but I'm going to apologize ahead of time if I can't... If it makes you feel better though, this is the first thing I'm doing! You're the top of my priority list! (Course, I swore I'd've done this for you LAST MONTH, but... well, the rl is a rough thing).

The opening lines are a little weak, if you ask me. Don't get me wrong; the ideas behind them are great - it's always good to go from the perspective of a madman. Well, woman. I actually think I have a pretty good idea what's making me feel like this paragraph is falling apart at the seams: you just used the word "crazy" too much. I really think that was your only problem, but since it's caused so much redundancy in the whole thing, I think some synonyms are in order. -As a side note, this repetition continues in a less extreme fashion throughout the entire chapter, so if and when you do edit this paragraph, I think you should go over the rest of this as well-

(Purely my own opinion, but I think it might also help the suspense of this piece if you held out a little and didn't immediately give away that she's a crazy person. You do do the whole "show not tell" thing, but you just show us too soon, I think).

Also, you've got a few inconsistencies sprinkled in here. For one, I think you've got your dates a little off. For instance, on May 8, you say her parents died the day before, and on May 9, you say it was yesterday. Then later on (right after Jay dies) you make their date of death Saturday again. In addition, your first journal entry has no distinction from the normal text other than the signature and dashes to show the section change, but your next one is entirely italicized.

Finally, I would say that it's a little rushed so far. One after another after another: that's how it seems these deaths are turning out. Unless there's going to be some incredible twist that makes Tatjana the cause of all of these deaths instead of merely the clairvoyant, then these are happening way too fast and seem unnatural and contrived.

Course, I don't just have criticism. This is an interesting storyline, and I love Jana's name, especially. You could use the introduction of a few more characters, since at this point the only people you've fleshed out at all are Tatjana and her aunt, but you've done a nice job with both of them. They might be a hair bit overworked, though; it's good to have personality quirks like the aunt, and it's good to feel misunderstood and upset, like Jana, but they both need a little more substance. Jana needs to express her emotions more rather than just stating the changes, and it feels like this nagging and worrisome dimension of the aunt is the only one you've really developed so far, because you don't really show much hint of anything else. But like I said, you've really got a great start here and I hope you keep working with it.

First off, excellent beginning. It really grabbed me.

I love the light humor (ie. "I feel fine, thanks." to "I feel just fine... thanks." to "I feel fine!"). It tells a lot about her character, too. Nicely done.

Oh wow. The news that her mother and dad were dead came as a bit of a shock, but in a good way (if you know what I mean?) I love how you introduce the news of their deaths without making the main character really emo about it. Perhaps it is just a touch too casual, but I think it works all right. I found it a really nice change from the usual angst.

I like your description of "Hero-Jana" versus the "sane, logical Jana"... a neat idea.

I also really like the tone. The bits of sarcasm you include, such as "They carried him out on a stretcher a little later, and formerly strong, brave Hero-Jana suffered a mysterious and fatal overdose of horror inside my mind." are quite amusing and fun to read. You do a good job making this story creepy but not overwhelmingly angsty, and you have a good balance of humor and darkness.

This chapter seems a little long for an intro chapter. I think this is more of a fpress thing. You might want to break it up.

Minor details:

This morning, my aunt came in and said, “Morning, Jana. Are you alright?” - "all right" is two words.

“No buts!” (r)epeated Aunt Deb forcefully, shoving me toward the stairs. “(Y)ou need your rest. I’m sure your tired. Go up and get some sleep, and when you come down we can go out to get a snack.”

“Where would you like to go?” (s)he asked me, almost too brightly.

Normally I would have been more polite about it, but today I was tired and grouchy and, as far as I was concerned, being polite could take a long, scenic hike. - *Grin* I love it.

When we reached the counter, he greeted me with a “(H)i, Jana!”

I think Tic-Tacs is spelled without a k.

Behind the counter, jay dialed 911. - Capitalize "Jay"

“(H)ere,” I replied,

I also like how you include the pronunciation of Tatjana in the storyline. Clever.

PS: I love your reference to the Discworld series. It brought a smile to my face.

Oh, scary!

I like this story a whole lot! I even put off reading my history to finish reading it, lol. I like the way you've written it and it's very...I don't know, really cool. The humor in it was...well, humorous D

Update soon, please!