Reviews for Brothers Rebellion
Tim chapter 46 . 1/10/2010
Hunter should have been saved at the last minute by the Vito as he killed the leader and should have taken over. Or at least he killed the Smiler and should have taken his seat.

Would have been a mad ending with Hunter and the Vito slaying everyone. Especially the blue faced dogs!
Alteng chapter 37 . 9/30/2009
Yeah, Hunter did what I expected him to do. He joined his brother in the fight, but I don't think we could respect him if he continued to side with the council.

This chapter didn't seem as polished as the other ones, The discussion with Jyfe did little for me. To me, it seemed to drag on the chapter.

Hunter didn't tell Dey what he did to his uncle, mind you. We didn't even get to see Dey in this chapter.

Well, I guess the Silent One is still creeping around somewhere. So, how are they going to prove that Hunter killed Shase, and did any of the Rito Shaef like him in the first place. They might decide that Shase was killed in a series of accidents, or they could never find the body because of the flooding. Although I do see them enjoying the kill of Hunter and family for the hell of it.

This is a discerning comment, but it does make Hunter seem like a band wagon jumper, because he choses to side with Hund once it looks like the younger will win. It is just a perspective.

Anyway, I look forward to the next chapter and seeing the end of this story.
Alteng chapter 36 . 9/29/2009
The chapter is reasonably long. You might be avoiding fillers like the plague, but don't rush this ending. The story has been good up to now, except for some of the mucking around about the teen chapters.

I still love Shase's character, but I am so glad that Hunter finally killed him. He has had it coming for a long time.

The disguise of the Silent One kind of confuses me. I can understand why Hunter wanted to do this, but does this mean that the Rito Shaef is dead. But, Hunter is still worried about the assassin coming in on him and Tala. I might be a bit of a dunder head on that one.

I have some conjectures about where this story is going and given that there is another chapter available, I will keep them to myself. I hope I am right somehow in the mix.
Alteng chapter 35 . 9/28/2009
Okay, you are next on my list.

This was a really good chapter, and the parallel between Sven, which started out this story, and the what happened to Ryne works well in defining Hunter's conscience. The remarks about the screams in the night and the guilt that Hunter has for turning his back on Ryne or leaving him alive makes the character so very human. Even Soth Maore comes off human, because he won't step in to stop the torture. I think this says he gives the wolf the respect in this, as he should. It was a little line dedicated to that, but it does say a lot of the Saber Ranks.

The bit with the stragedies and stuff is fine. It would seem best to let Hund win that one. It might be another way out for Hunter. It does make me wonder how that fight will turn out in the finer points, and will Hunter be much of a winner, if Hund has broke down some of the Canine offenses and regained some of the feline territory?

Then there is the last scene. I would think that the Silent one is none too fond of Shase either, and I think this give a bit more of the reasons for Hunter's dislike of the Smiler.

I do love how you manage to write the Silent One without the use of words. It is an interesting exercise, because we are so used to using dialogue to express our characters.
Jareth the Monk chapter 1 . 8/2/2009
I remember reading this story before, under a slightly different guise, but I'm not sure if I left a review or not, it would have been well over a year ago. Anyway, I saw no grammatical errors, and it doesn't drag along with too much dialogue. There's someone else's stuff that I read on occasion that tends to go off into another one of those nauseating legends, where everything has to be explained to you in one chapter. This doesn't do that so far, but resist the temptation of giving too much away or introducing too many characters at once, even if it means breaking up chapters into smaller bits (unless its a really big battle, a really moving death and funeral, or a really hot sex scene). Anyway, I'm not a prolific writer or reader, but I'll get back here when I can, usually of a weekend.
Alteng chapter 34 . 8/2/2009
I will say that the ending scene was quite a frightening piece. The gruesome description of it does remind the reader what the Wolf people are capable. The sickening details of it from Hunter's point of view are necesary, and I think the scene is quite effective, and the gore is called for.

The fact that the name of Soth Maore's name has no effect on the Wolf also says much in the piece. It shows how tame Rathgal really is.

The death (or forthcoming death) is another disaster to add to Hunter's list. The fact that there is a rather chummy moment between the two of them right before makes this scene all the more heart wrenching for HUnter. Gee, why couldn't have been Dey. I guess that would make Hunter's life too easy.

A very good chapter, especially that ending.
Alteng chapter 33 . 8/2/2009
I am back again, and I see a recent chapter up. Hopefully, I will get to it tonight.

This chapter did a full turn around for Hunter in his luck, but he had to know that the day could only get worse. I don't quite undersatnd what the Silent One has up his sleeve or what he said or did to Shase, but I am in a place with a rowdy kid and his TV right now. It's hard to concentrate.

I will give you, it was amusing when Tala decked the mage. Yeah, he didn't have much in tact saying what he said. It does show that she is someone, who deserves to be part of the Saber Ranks.

Shase having his nose punched later by Hunter seemed a bit much. I would think another kind of violence would be in order. It just seemed redundant to have it done again.

I would have liked to have known what Soth Maore's reaction would have been if Hunter had suggested joining the Saber Ranks, but that's me, and I don't think Hunter is in enough despair for that yet.
Alteng chapter 32 . 7/26/2009
I have to laugh at Hunter. Surely, he didn't think that Tala was a virgin, now did he. And she is right, he needs to off Shase before the assassin can do him in. I will miss Shase when/if it happens.

I am surprised that Tala didn't suggest that Hunter join the Saber Ranks. This would get him out of killing his brother, and I am certain that Soth Maore will find something for him to do. After all, he has been a warrior for a long time. What will he do if the war with Canine ends?

Still, this is a good chapter for having writer's block for awhile. I am still struggling a bit, and my last chapter posted sucked.

I will be caught up soon with your story.
Alteng chapter 31 . 7/24/2009
Okay, it's been awhile. I've just been lazy, what can I say.

Anyway, this is a nice convenient way for Hunter to get out of a sticky situation.

It is nice to have read the story about Alban first. This makes this conversation all the more ironic.

Sometimes I feel bad for Rathgal. No matter what he is, he is still a wolf first. Although I do have to admit that he is really good at those sharp smiles and freaking out others like Hunter.

I wonder how we would feel about Hunter if he did actually kill Shase. It is not like the assassin doesn't have it coming. Maybe, Hunter will just luck out and someone else will do the job for him.
Alteng chapter 30 . 5/12/2009
I'm back at it again. I have been having trouble with fictionpress of late with 'forbidden' messages. It made me wonder if I did something naughty.

Anyway, this is a nice filler chapter. After all, I would have been disappointed if Hunter didn't talk with the steward.

Indeed, I am with Hunter that it would be a pain to translate for the Silent one. I would have thought that the Dreamer would be insulted by that as well, because of his pride. It made for a strange piece there.

If I remember correctly, I sort of recall Tala from the original. I kind of remember her and Hunter talking outside. They were sitting on a bench or something. Surprise you that I can remember that one.

I did like Hunter's reaction to her. Such a man! I would guess she already has a man by her apprehensive actions. I wonder if she will be important in the fight or will she be a fling for Hunter, and it will get him in trouble.
Alteng chapter 29 . 4/26/2009
Too bad Shase was with Hunter at the end. He would be grinning even wider.

I take it that the Childkeeper did something to the Weeper. I can come up with multiple images for this story, which is a good thing. I think there could be a story in this making as well. It makes you wonder why he would join the Rito Shaef.

Onyer Mancer must be an earth mage. He seems to be a rather a seemingly timid man like the Weeper was.

I was thinking that Ryne (he is the muscular one, isn't he, or am I thinking of Jyfe) would be the one for Hunter to lean on, when he was limping along.

I do wonder why the charity to Dey to put him in charge of something? He is not one of Hunter's favorite people.

Oh, and the comment to the man in the streets by calling 'boy', I would think that was equally insulting to Hunter, because he is leaning so heavily on a cane like an old man.

Anyway, now we know why about the transport of the body of the Weeper. So, that ties up one of the stories.
Alteng chapter 28 . 3/25/2009
You know it would be an entertaining bit for you to write a story about Rathgal Tayotos and how he joined the Saber Ranks. That could be an interesting story in and of itself. I know, get Behemoth done first.

It wasn't very honorable for Dey to slug Hunter because of his injuries, but I do understand his reasonings. This does show a negative light on both the character, but it does make them more human in that.

I have little to say about this chapter, because it is one of those necessary chapters to get from point A to Point B.
Alteng chapter 27 . 3/25/2009
You are the center of attention right now, and I will get this story caught up, and hopefully, I will be writing next week.

Anyway, I think your blood mages care more than normal human doctors, or at least this lot does. Yet, you have to do something or Hunter will die a junkie.

The introduction of Tayotos was a good one. I thought I recognised his name. He is a creature of many contrasts. That can be fun. The fact that Shase seemed hesitant of him makes even a stronger impression, but I do wonder how the Smiler recognises him when they have not met before.

The mentioning of Soth Maore being a god does seem a bit repetitive. I guess it is because of the subject of the previous chapter.
Alteng chapter 26 . 3/25/2009
Yes, I am back in business. I have a new server and had to set up things with the computer.

Alright, Hunter is going to be like one of those pain killer addicts. He is headed for that grand finale that Shase is talking about whether he wants to or not. It seems more dishonorable to fall dead from drugs than from the sword.

It is an interesting contrast that they talk about those who seem to be immortal and dying young. Neither one of them is likely to make it to old age. This makes for a good chapter indeed. You have greatly matured in your writings since the beginning.

And Shase is still my favorite. He is so slimy.
Alteng chapter 25 . 3/4/2009
This chapter had many artistic wording in it from the beginning and at the last line. The repetition of "It's not like a battle" makes Hunter look sympathetic despite what he did to the prisoners.

The last line can be taken in a number of ways. He would not have to worry so much about the moral dilemmas that he is in if he didn't feel anything at all. That was an excellent ending line.

I had some interesting thoughts on the description of the battle. It reminded me of the American revolution, where the Brits marched in the orderly fashion, and the rebels fought anyway possible.

The characters Mep, Jyfe, and Dey are starting to become distinct, which is a good thing, but you are 25 chapters in, and they should.

I still love Shase. He is so slippery and slimey. He is also playing with a deck a few shy. I half expected that the red on his face was blood.
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