|Reviews for Unconditional|
| scarlet stars chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
Very nice. The flow was a little marred in a few places, but I liked it a lot! I wasn't going to review, but I saw that little thing in your profile asking people to. So, here you go :)
-A Raindrop's Shadow
| mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 1 . 5/20/2008
[review game: depth]
Overall, this was a well-written emotional piece. To begin with, the first stanza didn't make much sense to me with the second and third, but as I kept reading, I started to see the connections.
The structural mechanics of this are really good. Your lines, sentences, and stanzas flow really well and you used good words to neither under- or over-describe what you wanted to say.
One thing that I think you should revise is that some of your lines/sentences don't flow smoothly. In general, all of them are well-done, but one spot that sounded really awkward to me was at the end of the second stanza.
"i don't want to list them all,
for it just makes me want to cry."
"For" doesn't seem to fit with the generally relaxed, informal English you used for the rest of the piece. Even though "because" is longer and has a different rhythm to it, I think it would work better than "for."
I like the dialogue in this piece. I think it added a lot of substance that it needed.
Overall, nice piece.
| The Wandering Musician chapter 1 . 5/18/2008
Great job! I loved the repetition and imagery. I also liked how I got the feeling that you purposefully didn't capitalize anything, not that you were too lazy to press the shift button (as I think is often the case). The sentiment and meaning was also very touching and emotional, which I love. Wonderful poem!
~Daughter of the Faeries