Reviews for Chains of Fate
fleece-rot chapter 1 . 6/21/2009
(My review for your other story didn't qualify, and it won't let me review your other one again, so I'm reviewing this one.)

I disliked the opening because it's bland and it's a very lazy way to introduce the story. It has no hook.

I liked thedescriptions, afterwards, because they were so detailed and vivid.
Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 5 . 8/26/2008
Wow, that was a blast. tbh, the whole issue of the king getting killed was more or less expected by me right from the start. Anyway, it seems that things are going to get messy after what I've seen here. I'm rather curious about Calypso's cousin tbh. To be frank, I'd like to know more about him like what made him the person he is now, his humane traits, etc. Also on the POV issue, I'm fine with having different POVs in a chapter as long as it don't get confusing. All in all a good chapter. And yeah, hope to see your reviews for Elven Chronicles as well soon! Bye! :)
Written chapter 2 . 8/4/2008
a LOT of characters to keep track of, but not a bad chapter. haha... spoiled prince who doesn't want to be prince. go figure.
Written chapter 1 . 8/4/2008

Okay, so the beginning dialogue part seemed sort of clumsy to me at first, but it's growing on me slowly. jury's still out on that though. a simple quote like "do you believe in destiny? well you should." would have maybe been more dramatic and less "hey lol so this fate thing..." ish.

but it's up to you, obviously.

that being said, the rest of it drew me in well and good, and I enjoyed the end bit with her being tailed.

which reminds me, calypso is a cool name! good choice.

anyway, will read more soon.
Lost Shepherd chapter 4 . 7/28/2008
A wonderful scene, in my opinion, especially in terms of character development. I rather enjoyed the romantic piece of it. I found it charming, and quirky. Especially the bit with Calypso and Prince Mathew behind the tapestry. A generally well-orchestrated chapter. The ending was also intriguing, and was a good cliff-hanger for the next chapter.
Lost Shepherd chapter 3 . 7/28/2008
Again, I liked the multiple-point-of-view form. I found it insightful. Also, the reunion scene was well done and emotional, but not dragged out.

The forshadowing part with the necklace in the well, I found effective, and well placed, but I thought that at that part, the "feeling of being watched" seemed just a little too forced, or prominent. That's just my opinion, of course. The rest of it was great, and I am enjoying reading it.
Lost Shepherd chapter 2 . 7/28/2008
I enjoyed the character interaction. I found it very real. I also enjoyed the introduction of the prince, and his point to view. It was good forshadowing, and I enoyed the rebeliousness of him, but still with a regal attitude. Great job, once again.
Lost Shepherd chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
An excellent opening. It quickly grabs my attention. The story can easily be placed in a common genre, but at the same time, It defies what's expected of it. I also enjoyed how it begins with what seems like the end of an adventure. This opens the story up for more depth of the characters, and more room for development. A great job in general. Keep it up.
Lost Shepherd chapter 5 . 7/27/2008
Wonderful story! I'm blown away. I found it very enjoyable. Once I got into it, I couldn't stop reading. The plot is emotionally deep, but with a skillfull, playful excecution. Unlike a lot of guys I know, I enjoyed the romance, I thought it was charming, and avoided the cliches well.

As this is for the Review game, I also have to say some things I thought could have been better. Well... I guess that I would just try to display and solidify what some of the charatcers' skills are. In what way are they helpful to thier frinds, and their goal?

Superb work, I look forword to more of this story in the future. Thank you.
Brian77 chapter 5 . 7/23/2008
Great work Teffie. To your question, I think the way you do it now is just fine. That would be a lot of chapters if you did it the other way, and it might not make it flow as smoothly. I like how you're doing it now, but that's just me.

surrounded the assassin, woman with the knife'- does there need to be a 'the' before woman? Maybe not, it just looked weird to me.

Good work with the big surprise here. Caught me off guard, wasn't expecting it with the king and his current state and all that. Though when Calypso said she knew the guy I thought it would be her father.

Good work Teffie, I'll be waiting for the next chapter.
N.E. Olson chapter 5 . 7/22/2008
Great chapter. The story is really taking off now. Once again, great job with the characters and descriptions.

It would be a little easier to understand if each viewpoint was a separate chapter; there's always a brief second of confusion when switching between the characters. But then, I think some of the sections would be too short. But maybe not. Most of them are a pretty good length.
N.E. Olson chapter 4 . 7/22/2008
I love the descriptions in this chapter; it was very easy to visualize the ball and everything going on there. I also loved the ending. It added some nice action to the chapter. My favorite part, though, was learning more about the characters in each section. Each of them has a different viewpoint and tone, and it's fascinating to read. Great job.
Brian77 chapter 4 . 7/22/2008
Ok. Sorry for the delay. I've been busy ish lately. Or lazy. Whatever. Anyway good chapter I enjoyed it. I really like how you shift styles and whatnot when you shift perspectives. There are really clear differences and the whole flow of the story changes when you shift. I think my least favorite is Shana, it's hard for me to get through it when it's hers maybe it's cause she's so female and emotional. Uck. But the diversity is very good.

I like Krist. He seems like a guy I would keep around as a friend. I appreciate the humor you put in your story as well. I also like Calypso, even though her name always makes me think of Spiderman. I think there was a Calypso on that cartoon back in the day. I like how you have kept the story interesting and just now have introduced action, you keep it compelling. Very good. Alright, next chapter.
Tawny Owl chapter 5 . 7/19/2008
I liked Calypo’s reaction to finding out Matthew was the prince. So, unimpressed almost. I’m quite intrigued by her actually, and am looking forward to her years off adventuring catching up with her. I still want to know what that boy at the end of the first chapter was all about.

Saburo’s point of view was very easy to read as well, and I liked the way we got to see things through his eyes. He seems very observant, but then I suppose that’s part of his job. He seems a lot calmer than the other characters as well, despite the fact he is worrying over not being there to help Matthew.

I don’t really mind all the different voices being in one chapter because so far it feel like they have been divided by events. I’m also getting used to how the different characters sound so it’s easier to identify them now.

It’s also interesting that the assassin went after Matthew rather than his older brother or the king…

Are the assassin and Calypso’s cousin linked in anyway?
Counting Petals chapter 5 . 7/18/2008
I think the chapters are fine as they are, really. If you want to split them up, though, I won't complain.

I can't wait to see what's going to come of this little bomb you just dropped there at the end. ;)
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