Good character interaction and imagery. I can see what's happening through the details you provided, and I like how you conveyed emotions in this piece.

Congrats on your story being nominated! :D

This is so lovely - yes its fluff, but its realistic fluff, and its fabulous!

I've also read Spanish Web, so the character of Angie was immediately recognisable to me, and it was nice to have a short, sweet oneshot that explained her perspective so clearly. I also like the enigma of the older girl - you never find out her name, her origins, or even just how much older she is, and that makes me want to know more.

Really hope more will come from this series/these characters

That was very touching. A nice read, indeed. (Ha, poet!)

wow...

There is so much emotion in this story.

I love it, it describe with such truth the scene.

It made me shed a tear, and that is what a true writter does...

a review from the review game celebrating its first birthday! :)

I don’t usually read slash fiction, but this was really a cute scene you depicted here. On one hand, you have the conflicted emotions of dealing with sexual orientation, and on the other, you have a really fluffy situation in the city of love. I liked how you captured the emotions realistically, and the dialogue wasn’t unnatural at all. Good job!

-Lefty

This is a very nice story. It was refreshing to come across some femslash that wasnn't just graphic sex with no plot.

Your narration style worked very well in this. It was descriptive enough to paint a picture, but not descriptive enough to completely loose the reader in the words. You also did a good job balancing out description, action, and dialogue. You presented a lot of information about the characters, and distributed it evenly with these three mediums. One never felt too overused, and I never felt like you were crating an info dump.

The main thing that struck me about this was that I had trouble keeping track of the characters. For a while, neither of the characters had names, and even when they did, you didn't use them often enough for them to stick in the reader's head (for me, anyway.

Just a quick note: "me and my best friend" - technically, this should be 'mt best friend and I," but it was in dialgoue, so I understand if it was intentional for the character.

This was one of the best femslash stories I've come across in a while. You did a wonderful job with it _

Hullo there, review game :)

I like this acknowledgement of cliches and self deprciation you have at the beginning, it's a very good style and your writer's 'voice' stands out clearly to me.

The image of hands not touching was powerful...this didnt make sense 'She was mixed race, but Caucasian eyes would have deemed her otherwise; a glance at her slanted eyes, her rounded, childish nose, and small, doll-like lips would have been enough to dismiss her as Chinese, Japanese, Vietnamese or Thai' so what about her is mixed? Are her eyes slanted or caucasion...I think the wording could have made it a bit clearer.

Yay GCSE's...I know what they are :)

The speech was tense, and powerful and totally realistic. And that ending, with the descriptons was wonderful...I think you got this just right and I might have to favourite it :)

The idea of homosexual romance was a first read to me,I liked wasn't that bad;not that I'm discrimating them. But it was nice for me to see things from their point of view.

For some reason,at the beginning of the story I had a feeling that they were homosexual.I think it was the first sentence that drove me there.I'm glad you give me a little was good as you concluded your story with the same line.

quite the facinating read!

One thing i dont like: i wanted it to keep going! this could be a good start of a longer story

one thing i did like: descriptive. very well-written

keep up the good work!

~L

I live for these kinds of one-shots, stories you can polish off between homework assignments, a quick read after dinner while you're relaxing. They're very satisfying.

The stylish feel of this piece is really like the title: a snapshot of a relationship plucked out from somewhere and presented as it is to the reader. I really like how you build the physical background bit by bit at the beginning, the scenery and what the two characters look like. It's kind of like describing the layers of a painting (or maybe the layers on something in Photoshop is more applicable?), one placed on top of the other, each refining more details than the last.

The emotional aspects are even more like layers. What starts out sounding like common light conversation between friends reveals itself as something far more complicated. The best thing is that it's all done gradually, at the relaxing-after-dinner pace I mentioned. Both your pacing and dialogue are great, but I enjoy the descriptions the most. You do fluff justice. XD

"Two beds that could and have been pushed together?"

Hm, I wonder what the maid said. XD

- Shdwphoenix

I liked how this slowly revealed what was actually going on with these two girls. At the beginning, it seems like this has to do with the one girl's relationship with her boyfriend, and then suddenly you get all of the insinuations leading up to that point. It worked well.

The descriptions of the two girls at the beginning felt awkward. I think it's because you were referring to them as 'the girl on the right' and 'the girl on the left'. As a reader, it's a bit harder to get a clear picture when referring to left/right and younger/older as opposed to names of some specific feature about each of them.

The connect between the opening and ending line worked well. It brought the quick story around neatly. I'm just not sure what's meant by the 'embarassing cliche'.

Very cute! Nice one-off and a lovely ending.