|Reviews for The After|
| snowdance chapter 1 . 6/7/2008
THE REVIEW GAME:POEMS DEPTH REVIEW
Wow. I think this is a great refreshment to the whole "clouds and heaven and the light" afterlife sensation. I liked the simile with the amputated hand-I never thought of it that way. The vivid words work really well together. I found no grammar or spelling problems, so good job!
| emptyword chapter 1 . 6/5/2008
I don't know if I'm just being influenced by the first poem of yours I read, but your writing comes across to me heavily doused in irony. "Spiritually motivated feelings" - heh, classifying it takes away the mystique! And connecting that "sense of exalted extinction" to "an amputated hand"! Your word usage is incredible, carefully, excellently selected and pieced together.
| Kyllorac chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
First off, superb use of alliteration. It gives this poem a lovely ring, especially "bubbles of being burst" and "exalted extinction". Your imagery is quite unique and original, and I particularly adore how you compare being in a ghostly body to the vain grasping of something by a missing limb as well as "mind-expansion" and "cloud-heaven".
Spiritually motivated feelings propel/you along, faith pays off in one way. - The line break here feels abrupt and breaks the flow of the poem. I suggest appending "you along," to the end of the preceding line to remedy this.
Aside from what I pointed out, the poem flows nicely, and the premise is both intriguing and well-executed. Overall, you did a great job.
| Untitled and Unfinished chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
I liked this piece. It was very nice, the overall essence of it was great. YOu keep a constant and good mood. My favorite stanza was the third to last stanza, I dont know why, something about it struck me! Good Job!
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
I like the first stanza a lot. The first two words are interesting and just kinda draw you in. The whole wanted, but never understood thing was interesting too.
I like the word choice in the first line of the second stanza. The second line though sounded awkward... I think the word of was what threw me off, unless I'm missing something. I do like the alliteration though.
"Faith pays off in one way"... The one way confused me here... I wasn't sure if it meant the actual movement in one direction or just implying it pays off in one way, but didn't in others.
"exalted extinction" nice alliteration and interesting thing to say... kinda almost contradictory. The simile in that stanza was really powerful.
to just mind-expansion... I like making mind-expansion one word. The word just though like with the way did it mean like only or fair. Maybe you meant all the multiple meaning things, but I figured I'd bring them up.
I like the phrases "sensual scents" and "cloud-heaven" those were both unique and interesting. I didn't really like having two colons in one stanza... but that might just be a person preference.
I really like the last stanza, especially the last three lines because it was really unique personification. One thing though, why capitalize the and when there's no period after meaning? That seemed odd since your punctuation and capitalization in the rest of the piece were perfect.
| Isca chapter 1 . 5/27/2008
What can I say?
It's excellent, as always!