Excellent sound and audibility. This has a real song-like quality that helps the reader both see and hear what is occurring. Thought provoking. Good work.

I like the moth and fly.

I am also a huge fan of parallel structure.

It's kind of awkward in the beginning though, for it seems like it has a rhyme scheme and then it suddenly dissappears. You wait for it to show up again, but it doesn't..

flies do not live very long at all

I like the repetition of the first and last lines. :D Nice work! keep it up!

Interesting. I like the half-rhymes and stop-and-start rhythm of this. Nice work.

Osprey