Reviews for Man and Wife
PoetryQueen chapter 1 . 8/7/2008
An interesting little story. It was very different. I liked it though. Two things...

But they loved

Each other a little to much

I think that you should combine these two lines. Also, I don't understand your last three lines. But this was still very good. I liked the different poem story line. Great job!
DiaRose chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
Very interesting! I love this imagery

Love

Dia
in theory chapter 1 . 7/26/2008
I really like this, the last stanza is so open-ended. Even the lack of punctuation seems to just say...it's not finished.
groovi-gal-numba1 chapter 1 . 7/24/2008
hm i'm not so sure about the start. i think the first few lines need to be rewritten. they feel rather juvinile and just don't work for me.

after that though it gets better! beautiful imagery and descriptions.

i liked the ending too. :P
Laura Elizabeth chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
I really like this.

"But they loved

Each other a little to much

Liked the world a little too little

So they built walls around their knees"

Terrific lines! The poem flowed really well, and the rhyming was nice and subtle. The imagery was also nice. Overall, I really enjoyed it. I'm not going to beat you over the head about the to- too thing, seeing as everyone else has ]
S. Ben Beach chapter 1 . 7/19/2008
"Each other a little to much

Liked the world a little too little"

that was cool.

i love the imagery, it's very vivid, clear and descriptive (of course).. keep at it :)
Kikyuu chapter 1 . 7/18/2008
Definitely an interesting and somewhat disturbing poem. I like the rhyming quality to this - it reminds me of a twisted nursery rhyme. Just one typo in the line "Each other a little to much" where that should be 'too'. The last two stanzas were my favourites, especially the lines "Or swung up into the skies/Saying their goodbyes to the faces they rejected" and "If their children grew up/From the pots where the bones were planted".

Kikyuu, from The Roadhouse (Check out the link in my profile)
The Hippie Nerd chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
Did you mean to repeat the first line? It sort of throws you off right away. But the piece is really good overall. Quirky and different, but with fascinating imagery and an interesting look at a husband and wife. A bit confusing, but not overly so so the confusion actually makes the poem even better. It's definitely incomplete- if you were to finish it'd surely be stellar!
East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
hm, so you're saying they stayed in all day and made out. then they killed their babies. it's a very interesting poem. i'm not sure it was what I expected. but that's what i liked about it.
Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 6/7/2008
Review Game.

Firstly, I don't quite understand why the first line is repeated? If it's intentional then the meaning behind the repetition isn't clear. Also line six "to" should be "too" and then later in the stanza you shift from past to present tense with "hiding" and "leaving" and you do it again in the second stanza. Try to keep the tenses consistent.

Overall though I really like the premise and the off-beat tone. It's a quirky poem with some interesting images (particularly the third line of the last stanza).

It feels like a middling draft but with some more edits, it'll really reach its potential.

Midnight
wo bu ai ni le chapter 1 . 6/6/2008
Ooh, it is indeed a weird one... But I like the feel of isolation (reminded me of the phantom of the opera). It's disturbing but sweet. It's weird. _
the face in the window chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
was the first line suppose to be repeated?

it is a bit strange, but a good strange. it does seem imcomplet though.

rowan.
SirScott chapter 1 . 5/29/2008
That was creepy, but creepy is good sometimes.

SirScott