|Reviews for Optic Vacancy|
| imaginative thinker chapter 1 . 7/21/2008
I love how you started the first stanza with an innocent metaphor. I certainly didn't expect what was coming - and I like that! ("Eyes newborn and cold tea" seems pretty harmless, right?)
Then I knew something was coming. "Landfill fumes flowing out of Eden," there I knew that something was amiss, that this wasn't just going to be another "fell-good" lightly metaphorical poem. It was going to show a twisting within, no doubt something sinful at the mention of "Eden."
There are still a few lines that elude me, but I don't see that as a negative. In fact, I plan on rereading a time or two because of that. I like how the poem felt convoluted, like we never quite had all the details. It kept me reading until the end.
"And the earth will grope them with its fingertips," was a particularly vivid line. I love how you take something that would have normally been portrayed as beautiful, or sometimes angry in its unforgiving wrath...but I don't think I have ever heard someone associate it with "groping;" it adds new insight. Especially because "groping" has a decidedly different tone than something more delicate and special, say "caressing;" the author seems a bit tormented by the thought of it as well. And it certainly isn't something with fanfare and warm lighting. It is something dirty.
Yet it ends hopeful, despite all that. Like perhaps something good came out of it. "Never will I be so vacant again." Though before that you said, "fondly sipping on their bright emptiness," so perhaps whoever it happens to be with the "vacant" stare realizes that, in comparison to other alternatives, "vacant" might not be such a bad thing.
Sorry I didn't have more constructive criticism for you, but I was swept away by this poem. Keep writing.
~ imaginative thinker
| payphoned chapter 1 . 6/10/2008
Wow. Such a mind bending poem-in a good way. Lots of images and feelings to process while reading.
| unuttered.thoughts chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
i love your imagry and word choices, very nice poems so far :)
| Mourning Sickness chapter 1 . 6/4/2008
Very compelling and rhythmic.
You clearly have talent.
"But it proves that ignorance is bliss
Green shadows floating behind us and curling
Making paintings from our hair
Not caring that they’re laughing at the sex scenes
Photographed behind our backs"
| Renss chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
I really like this. At first, I looked at it and thought "Oh no. A long, meandering poem." But you can tie a poem of this length together really tightly, and I admire that.
I think my favorite line was probably "Eyes newborn and filled with cold tea." My favorite stanzas are definitely the third, fourth, and last.
Go NMH. When I read this I was listening to "Equus" by Blonde Redhead and for some reason it sort of seemed to fit. Not really. But sort of. You know.
| sunday night sky chapter 1 . 6/2/2008
This is beautiful. Had to read it a few times to really take it in. Love it. I love the third verse.. I love the theory behind it, You'll think no one in the world could change/ In the ways these limbs have... I mean, wow! Actually I love all of it. It's so clever and such a beautiful way to look at the world. Gorgeous.
PS I love Neutral Milk Hotel :) (on your profile)
| SirScott chapter 1 . 6/1/2008
It sort of reminded me of the end of the world or something.
| Alphabetical Dreams chapter 1 . 5/31/2008
You have a truly unique view of the world, and a unique way of stating it, too! This is so intense, it gave me the shivers, but it has such a delicate, lace-like feel at times, too. I really like the lines: "As the pray silently into my skin/Sensitive to my touch/Not sensitive to my sin" it's such a beautifully worded idea! Keep up the good work. I look ofrward to reading more from you.
Live, laugh, love.
Creating a Dream
| the face in the window chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
amazing, as always. i'm really actually lost for words (hence the crappy reviews i always leave).
| Isca chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
There's a sadness in this piece that makes it noteworthy and wonderful.
| Generation Dead chapter 1 . 5/30/2008
This made me kind of sad.
I'm not sure if this was the meaning you were tryig to get across, but this made me think of the loss of innocense. About, how a baby is innocent when it's born, but it's innocense is lost as it grows.
This was very good, and very powerful.