Reviews for Freaks of Nature
Bellanyx chapter 13 . 5/6/2009
Wow. Jules is a total psycho. I don't think I've ever wanted to hurt a character from a novel quite as much as I wanted to hurt her.

Great story.
Bellanyx chapter 7 . 5/6/2009
I absolutely love the description you use in this chapter. It's amazing!
Bellanyx chapter 2 . 4/11/2009
This story is fascinating to read, and has a strong narrarative. I love the imagery, and the vocabulary that you choose makes the story seem much more rich.

Thank you for making something worth reading!

Keep writing!
Rino-chan chapter 12 . 7/24/2008
Review Game!

I enjoyed this chapter a lot. There's not much description in it, but the ones that you have included were done very well, like "Her sphinx-like expression reminds me of a horse, or donkey, or some other beast of burden" which I thought was both funny and very well-described. So that's a plus side. I'd do with a bit more description here and there though, just to let people able to imagine what's going on. However, I still like the way you do it lightly but still full of meaning.

The dialogues are great. It fleshes out the character quite well, especially at the very start where you varied the way they wanted their food done. So I thought there's nothing much I can add to that, considering that it all flows well enough, and doesn't seem too forced between the characters. Which led me to saying that because you did the dialogues so well, the characters also seem to be more fleshed out, more realistic, and I really like that. The way Jules also seem to be.. worked up, really, with how the situation was.

Overall, I thought it was done well. It's interesting because there's a lot of things going on and you had the start and end of the chapter connected with the use of "mayonnaise" which is both funny and clever because at least you have your chapters planned out.

Keep it up!

patsylooj chapter 8 . 6/30/2008
My God, Wolfgang is so romantic it burns! But it's so cute and...not what I expected, to be honest.

The Jennifer Gray comparison put this amazing image in my head, yet it was odd at the same time. Sadly, Wolfgang morphed into Patrick Swayze for a brief moment, but that imagine didn't last, thankfully.

Eek! I had an itching sensation of a squeal coming forth when they played, like, two seconds of Marco Polo then Wolfgang was making a snow angel. Dear God, SO ADORABLE.

Not really. It pisses me off that Wolfgang is one of those people who starts out as joking then twists into seriousness that still sounds like joking. I know people. Doesn't everyone. I felt Ethan so well then. But I'm so happy they did their little confession.

Gah, your writing is so amazing at the end. I love these tidbits of Ethan's past, the things he says and they make me think like crazy. And I want to know what happened to Wolfgang, what caused the scar, and if he flosses.

patsylooj chapter 7 . 6/30/2008
I never considered actually initialing fruit. That part was amazing. And you never make things turn it as what one would expect. Like the Wolfgang dreams? Seriously, what else would someone think besides naughty thoughts, that is, until the corn and Yahtzee comes into the picture. It just makes this all the more enthralling.

LACOSTE BIYATHCES YEAYA. And in forest green! He came down from heaven! You have no idea how exicted I get when I read a brand name in a story.

"...I will snot in your soymilk." Great detail and use of alliteration.

AND AGAIN! V-NECK. YEAYA. Guys in v-necks might as well be some sort of collaboration that forms God. And whenever Ethan gets all gushy-mushy over Wolfgang, your writing is just beautiful. I don't even need to pick out lines because every single one is amazing.

Oh, and I do need to mention that whole Jerod being a serial killer deal is hilarious. Too bad I liked him in his singular short crotch-itching appearance.

Matricide...oh man. Oh, thanks for the celebrity reference for Wolfgang. I actually look those things up if they're provided, and it helped.

I feel so horrible for Ethan and his general highschool jackasses vs. him experience. Why? Why must it always happen? But, damn, the scars and loss of senses. The coma. Nice job on giving him hell then turning it into a kiss.

Agh, no! No, Jules! I still love her even if she is being...slightly...stupid.

Anxiously awaiting to see what unfolds. You are unfailingly amazing.
ByYourSide chapter 2 . 6/30/2008
I randomly jumped back into reading this story for a minute, and I couldn't put it down. I have to say, you captured the atmosphere, the characters, everyday life and the quirks of reality extremely, extremely well. I'm sure you've heard that a lot, though. This story is... amazing.

It's not often my attention span lasts more than a few thousand words, but I barely noticed the length of the chapter as I read. Jules is spunky. She has flair and I hope she returns.

Ethan continues to crack me up. His personality is just a little bit off, which makes all the difference. All the characters seem really real, even the ones we've only met briefly.

And I love the old man with the Rolos. :D
patsylooj chapter 5 . 6/28/2008
Thank you, Ethan, for perceiving art in your own way and dealing with it. God, if he had been ranting on like that horrible woman, I would have felt so inferior reading this that I probably would have just pooped out in the middle of it. His lack of knowledge (or what is accepted as knowledge) is so cute though, not to mention easy to relate to. I mean, in the sense that I couldn't go off about a photograph like the lady did. By the way, the whole Marianne thing served some sort of amazing off-set to the critic. I can't pin-point what it was exactly that made it so great, but it was. The scamp-woman can chew on her anytime if she needs it that badly.

The emphasis on "planet slows to a halt" was a nice touch. Made me spazz a little.

Ah, and might I just say, dark curly hair, yes puh-lease.

I have to remind you of this, too. Your writing is amazing. It's like you put extreme care into every single sentence you write. The world should envy your talent.

For the record, I write my review as a read, and I am SO disappointed in Ethan for saying it's puritanical! Screw puritanical. Really.

The metaphorical baby does make up for that somewhat.

"He winks.

I concede my firstborn."

I died. So hard. And harder when the photograph turned out to be Wolfgang's work, and all he had to say about it was how the girl resembled Dolly Parton. Hell yes.

I want so badly to list off every little word and uses of punctuation to you that make this so phenomenal. Wolfgang doing the pirouette, the sob-party that formed a heart on the ground, and then going back to the word "pretty"...let's just say I adore this story.
patsylooj chapter 4 . 6/28/2008
I cannot comprehend why, but the larva and pupa deal killed me. I have to say that the whole cigarette burning at the end of the poem deal was a clever idea.

The moment when Jules claps for Ethan's poem was extremely well written. Intense. You know how to express those emotions, boy.

But what's even more intense is the ending. Holy crap. That's perception and insight if I ever saw it.
patsylooj chapter 3 . 6/28/2008
I love Pearl and her checkbook. That's gold, right there. I'll never get tired of your humor. Those boyfriends Ethan listed off...oh my God, that was priceless, not to mention believable.

I mourn for Brady, yet at the same time his whole dismal situation was great. As was the clanking noise of KayCi's bullring when her nose went through some sort of bodily function.

P. Ness.



Please. Get published.
chewyy the moofin chapter 3 . 6/27/2008
Gah, sorry for not reviewing sooner.

The thing I love about this is that even though you do describe, you do it in a very straight-forward and to-the-point way. It's realistic and not flowery at all, which is good in some cases, definitely including this one. It really brings an image into your head, yet at the same time a bit of freedom to imagine the story yourself.

The only thing that sort of annoyed me was the fact that some sentences could be emphasized, and given their own line. Maybe you meant for it to be this way, and I'm sure it's already a style, but I feel that it could give the reader a few emphasized details.

So, for example in relation to the last comment, you could take the third paragraph, and split it, and put "What makes it worse is..." etc. as a single line.

That's what I think, but it really is an interesting story.

Keep writing!

Bandfan234 chapter 3 . 6/26/2008
I enjoyed the narration very much. In my opinion it contained just enough sarcasm, but still not enough to make the narrator seem cruel. I really can’t get over the narration. I truly loved it! What really did the trick was your choice of words. You used the right words at the right time.

There wasn’t an extreme amount of dialogue, but even still, the balance between the amount of dialogue and the amount of narration was perfect! As for the dialogue itself, it was short, but sweet. With each conversation, you got the point across very nicely.

The part that was most entertaining to me was the anecdote about Grandma Pearl and her checkbook. That was very funny! The part where you mention that Brady is nursing a bottle of meds was a bit of a surprise. I wasn’t expecting that part. Nice twist!

The only thing that really confused me was this: At the beginning of your story, it reads “Chapter 2: Dena”. Yet, further into the story, we find that the narrator is Ethan. Perhaps I missed something, but maybe you should make it a bit more clear in the beginning on who’s narrating. That’s really my only suggestion.

As for spelling, everything was perfect. The only thing was that you spelled “breathes” wrong, in the part where you’re discussing the relationship of Brady and Jess. “….other breaths off key.”

Overall, I throuroughly enjoyed this story! It was well written, and extremely unique. I've never read anything like this before! I’m really going to have to read the rest of this story, though…as in right now. :)
Tsubasa Rose chapter 1 . 6/22/2008
[I apologize because this is way over due.]

-Dialog- there wasn't alot of dialogue in this first chapter, but from what I've seen it flowed well and kept up with the charm of the internal monologues.

-Characters- Ok first off. I really like your main character so far. In my opinion he has this real dry sarcastic cynic shell which I relate to and love. But you kept him from being too far-fetched with the warmth shown for his friends. The other characters seem alright so far, they are really out there though which I'm not sure if I like or not. I'll have to keep reading to diagnose them lol

-Writing- I liked your writing style. For a first chapter I thought it did really well with painting the setting and atmosphere. I really like your humor reflected with the narration.

-Spelling- really not the person to judge this lol

-Enjoyment- I really liked it. I hope to find time soon to read more. As mentioned I do love the main character, but I feel a little disconnected to the other characters, it might just be a first chapter thing, i'll keep reading to give further input.

-Plot- To be frank, I didn't see a big picture plot, except maybe an idea of social observation. But maybe thats more of a theme... I confused myself- sorry

Ok so my reviews are probably lacking- any Qs you can email me lol _ I will try to find time to keep reading.
patsylooj chapter 2 . 6/17/2008
Oh my God.

The massive overview of Ethan's life containing nearly everything anyone ever needed to know in one convenient chunk was honestly one of the best things I have ever read. It was at least one of the best ways I've ever come to know a character. And the music I was listening to while reading it pretty much gave it a movie quality, so thank you Sufjan Stevens.

Your writing is so jam-packed with detail and pure amazingness. Nothing is ever how it is to the eye-it goes deeper. From mitochondria to nimbostratus, I mean, it's like, who needs drugs to make the heighten the atmosphere?

You're also continuously hilarious, but it never takes away from the quality of your writing. Oh, if only I could attain that talent. Guess I have a few years to work on that and really cook up something ground-breaking and risque, right?

Oh, and this is now the only story on here, to my knowledge, that has a gay main character and is not labeled with it. Like, I had no clue Ethan was gay, and it was like a breath of fresh air for that to be a surprise. All this MxM and boy on boy yumminess yaoi whatever the hell it is induces some pretty vomitious feelings when it becomes too much. Not to be bashing on anything too hard, but once you click on one of those things, it's like a frickin' cult is chanting behind you.

So, thumbs up to you on that...and everything else previously mentioned. Or...your writing in general.
Mynmsths chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
I'm quite confused to why you sent me a pm asking me to read your story for I don't think that I have ever heard of you in my life, but overall I'm glad that I decided to go ahead and read it.

I think that this story is good so far, and besides the expected gramical error or two it has very few mistakes.

One thing that I would advise you to avoid though is the long paragraphs. Readers tend to get lost reading them, and find them hard to follow. they also seem quite daunting when you see them. On the page.

But over all I think that it is great so far. I like Ethan so far, he seems like a good main character. I also like his room mate Jerod. It seems like he will be an interesting character as the story progresses.

I love Chip so far, with his flamboyant ways. At first I really didn't like him, but then it said that he was gay so I had to like him. I mean seriously who dosen't like gay guys, they for the most part are hilarious.

I plan to continue to read this story and I hope that I might enjoy it as much as I have this first chapter.

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