|Reviews for A Woman Scorned|
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 5 . 1/8/2009
Ah, now I've finished it, I see it was meant as a companion piece and it was intentional not to have much detail!
I like this last chapter, I like the wistful reflectiveness you portray.
Gwenhwyvach has kinda been merged with Morgan le Fay in this fic, and I like that.
All in all, a good fic and I'll be looking out for May Born.
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 4 . 1/8/2009
Again, this chapter could have been made even better with a little more detail.
I liked the melancholy undertone it seemed to have though, and I really like lines like:
'Arthur was Camelot's dreamwright. When he died, so too did Camelot'
'And this is why memory of his love endures even while his dream does not.'
However the last line confused me and it took me a couple of times to work out what it said. I think it might have been better if you wrote it like this:
'On that fell day, Camelot died forever.'
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 3 . 1/8/2009
Another interesting chapter, but I think you could add a lot more to it in terms of deatiling emotions and events.
Again, there were a few mistakes with spelling and grammar and I think that if you were to revamp this fic, you should consider a beta-reader to help you.
I agree with the other reviewers in that it does read like a prologue rather than a story.
But I do like your style, I like how you have Gwenhyvach narrate the story, and I think you are very good at it, all that needs doing is to pad it out a bit.
| Sapphire at Dawn chapter 2 . 1/8/2009
Interesting beginning, it will be interesting to read about the fall of Camelot through the eyes of Gwenhywach, I've never really considered her before.
A few little nitpicks though:
'...we went our separate ways - me to become a proper lady and he to become a knight...'
It might be better for it to be 'I to become a proper lady...'
It just makes in better keeping with the rest of the dialogue.
'Around the time we reached our majority, though...'
This confused me a little. Is it supposed to be maturity?
Also, the last line... kinda odd for the story, the language is very modern. You could reword it to sound like it belongs in the rest of the story but still have the same meaning, if you get me.
Anyway, I'm gonna keep reading.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 5 . 12/26/2008
There is a lot of material in those old legends, some of the most interesting you skipped over, which saddens me. But if this is simply a companion piece, then it works well, as I said before, to envision this as a scroll detailing her diary. However, I do wonder what happened to her, the narrator, after Camelot fell?
| Storyteller Knight chapter 3 . 9/9/2008
It's good. What you have here is well written and clear to picture.
But I want more. You always hear in writing classes 'show, don't tell' and right now you're telling us everything that happens, and to an extent that's fine but at the same time you need to do a little showing or else you leave your audience feeling unsatisfied. Show us Myrddin consoling Gwenhyvach, show him convincing her that it was Gwenhyvar she should hate and not Arthur. Show us one or two of their plots, why it failed and the repercussions of that if there were any. Show us Medrawd and Gwenhyvach growing close and Myrddin finally coming to trust him.
This story is so good and so enjoyable, but at the same time it almost feels like an empty promise or a shadow of what it could be. Show us more, please. This story just needs a bit more fleshing out to make it amazing.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 3 . 8/29/2008
The more I read of this story, the more I've come to envision this as a letter written on a scroll, which is good, I think, for your subject. I also think, though, that fleshing the story out would not be a bad idea. It reads like a summary, the prologue to the movie version of "Lord of the Rings" comes to mind. To avoid that, we need to see scenes. Other than that, I look forward to reading more.
| Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 8/16/2008
This is a short, very short, little prelude. Are you planning on writing this as if she was telling her own story? If you're not doing that, then this prelude is rather unnecessary.
It would have been nice to include more of the king arthur story for anyone who is not very familiar with the particulars.
Also, I like the line "the death of his dream" - it's mysterious enough to get me interested and want to read the next section :)
Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
| once rained for chapter 2 . 6/12/2008
First chapter was very nicely written. :33
'It all started with Gwenhwyvar, but then, it seems, my entire life has revolved around that of my elder sister.'
Maybe take out the comma between 'seems' and 'my'? Kinda awkward with it.
Is this an actual phrase or missing something in between? xD;
It's a bit confusing how abruptly Gwen decides to help her. Didn't she hate her?
Other than those, though, I love these beginnings! Very intrigueing. I have to say, usually I don't read medieval pieces but this one seems pretty good. The protagonist's tone of voice is well in character. Keep it up!
| Storyteller Knight chapter 2 . 6/8/2008
I really like this. The style and voice of the narration is really good. I like this younger sister of Guinevere. She knows how to be formal and proper, but she has a quirkiness too her as well. I love that last line. It kinda hits you in the face but it feels so in character that it doesn't jolt you out of the story.
I'm the type of person who always wants to know more. I suppose my biggest question right now is who is this younger sister of Guinevere. I want a name to put to the voice, and after that a face would be nice too. Although very good, your first two chapters feel like a summary leading up to something big. I can't wait to see where it goes next, just if you ever have time, try and flesh this history out a little more. It's just a thought. I can't wait for an update, to see where you go next.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 2 . 6/4/2008
Still good so far. There's not a lot to comment on save, "the plot thickens." But I really liked the last line.
It's interesting to note if Arthur really did exist, he was a Celtic warrior who lead one of the last battles against the invading Anglo-Saxons. Too bad the cause was ultimately lost.
| GRAYTEXT chapter 1 . 6/3/2008
Interesting beginning. I look forward to your spin on the legend.