Reviews for The Assassin's Equal
Lonely God chapter 1 . 10/7/2010
WTH Ryan has got issues! But June is epic I was thinking about her at night when I was writing my story. That's slightly scary!
oHriginal chapter 2 . 4/17/2009
June loved he smell, - should be loved THE smell


brilliant chapter!

flowed so much more better than the first one did

I think you should have changed June's name in this new town. Obviously people would have tried to find her, like her aunt and all that. It would be more realistic if her name was changed.. that way, when the agent found her and said her REAL name, she would have a bigger reason to be shocked.. and scared?


but brilliant! June's character has already become different and I like it. it's the new character's are good.

I'm going to keep an eye out for more chapters,

I know you don't update often..
oHriginal chapter 1 . 4/17/2009
If anyone is reading this review and hasn't read the story first then SKIP THIS REVIEW.. SPOILERS!

Right.. got that out of the way... lol

there are a lot of things that don't flow in this story, but the rule of reviewing is constructive critisism, so I'll give you the bad before I give you the good! lol

Firstly, the bit where June thinks that the assassin is after her. That was totally unrealistic. This story kinda reminds me of the Fearless series. I wonder whether you have heard of it? It's by Francine Pascal, and she writes about a girl born without the fear gene, whose uncle and father are assassin's as well lol but yeah. I think you should change that bit - instead of her thinking oh he's after me.. maybe you should make it that she get's cut off from the rest of the students - she run's the wrong way, or she run's straight into him.. and then she get's away? and you can carry it on as normal? just a suggestion.


the other thing is her pulling the trigger, wanting to know about him, and just all the FBI stuff. It would be more realistic or it would flow so much better if she already knew how to do all of this stuff. You could maybe introduce at the beginning that she was a slightly odd kinda girl, good at martial arts, and knew everything about guns? If you get her familiar with this type of.. danger? then it would flow so much better when she doesn't flinch..

realistically, a high school girl would just scream and faint and probably be killed if something like that happened.


now for the POSITIVE! lol I have to say that this is really good. It's so interesting and I couldn't leave it without writing a review for the first chapter. I can't wait to read the second one - will do it straight after this review!

I love Ryan. He's so cruel, so evil. His dialogue and the description of the personality and character is done so well. I was really impressed. you get a proper feel of what he is like.


june's character is great. If she was a bit more.. i don't know.. fearless and odd from the start it would all flow together perfectly.


I loved the way it all fit together. I didn't spot any spelling mistakes, and the plot is just... brilliant. Not completely original but done in the right way that you've made it completely your own idea! this is brilliant!

anyways, right I'm going back to reading the next chapter now.


oh and sorry for the long critique review. I can't help it sometimes. I know that a long review is appreciated lol
SickButPretty chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
That was awesome. Although it was odd that it was her father, i'd make it someone she knew but wasn't related to. I was really shocked when she knew him, it was a great twist.