Reviews for Heart Lotion SPF 20
my princess ending chapter 13 . 3/2/2014
Thank you so much for the clarification at the end for the Pig Latin because it made no sense to me. I also don't understand the part where Jesse said "I'll let you be S and I'll be M." AND it says that Evelyn read Honey's mind and they started talking about Adam because Honey was thinking about him. I don't get how she could've "read her mind" unless it was meant in another way. But either way, I'm glad she confided in Jesse because he's my favorite out of all the others.

With love,
my princess ending
my princess ending chapter 7 . 3/2/2014
I declared to myself that I was going to sleep a few chapters ago. I give you props for making me stay awake in bed and keeping things interesting and not irritating. Some times, I get irritated that the author is holding back way too much information and I get absolutely annoyed by it. There is still a lot to figure out but I love the pace of this story. :)

With love,
my princess ending
my princess ending chapter 3 . 3/2/2014
I knew it wasn't Teddy the moment you mentioned "Teddy" was surprised to see Honey standing three. But how could you do that to her?! It's dangerous for Honey because she's so innocent and gullible. I can't believe this! And please get Adam out of that room because I'm dying for Honey and Adam to have their first exchange.

With love,
my princess ending
my princess ending chapter 1 . 3/2/2014
These guys are way too smart for me. Nothing makes sense until they explain.

Anyways, it's a great start. In fact, I loved everything about it. I love how the characters all had really high class, proper names that make me emotional because they're so beautiful. And I also love how you kept most of their powers unknown for now because it would probably have been lame if you just poured it out to us when you were first introducing each of the Elite Five. But most of all, I completely love how the atmosphere is very high tech and just very private school-y AND IT'S VERY COOL. I'm sorry I don't know how to explain it.

With love,
my princess ending
Elena chapter 26 . 2/24/2014
Oh My God! You got to update. Your story is from far the best I've read on FictionPress. It's amazingly written and, I just loved it, words can't explain how I feel right now.
Thanks for sharing your work with us, and I really hope, than even after one year, you will finish this story. I think I can speak for all your readers when I say that we'll stick with you until the end!
Alyson chapter 25 . 1/14/2014
Lovely story but I am so confused I don't even know what is happening. Why is Eve killing all of those girls? I know it's to save Adam, but WHY will killing those 8 people keep him alive? And why did Gabe start working with Eve? And is he bad or good? And why are they still comforting Eve...I know she's their Creator but ugh I just really don't understand.
A Perfect Sonnet chapter 26 . 1/7/2014

I meant to write a bunch of reviews along the way, but I didn't do so well with that because I got distracted by the reading thing. That in itself is a compliment though.

Gabe was really annoying me as a character for a while, to be honest. There in the middle he felt very predictable and a little too obvious. While I get now how that was misdirection on your part, it may have been a little heavy handed and I'd recommend more showing and less telling in the rewrite. If you want us to spend most of the story thinking he's trying to change the future and whatnot instead of enabling it, it would be more effective if we reached those conclusions on our own instead of being told repeatedly that this is what we're supposed to be thinking.

That said, I love -this- Gabe. Plotting, scheming, manipulative, trying so hard to do right that he finds himself doing unjustifiable wrong along the way as a twisted means to being a good guy. It's AWESOME. Where before his character felt easy to categorize and similar to a thousand beautiful and brooding babes I've read about before, suddenly there's something inexplicably unique about him. I can't quite figure out whose death he's aiming for — although my bets are that it's either his own (my favorite, because it's so clever yet obvious yet unexpected at the same time for this all to be the dramatic suicide of an unwilling immortal) or Eve's, both of which would be twists I would find interesting. Or maybe I'm too macabre for my own good at times and your intentions are nothing of the sort. In any case, bravo on turning this boy around into someone who makes my curiosity run a little wild.

Along those same lines, I also have been loving the idea of Adam using his mind control powers to rewire Eve's memories of touch. That's so unexpected and out of the box that it won me over instantly. Whether or not it actually happens, you're fabulous for going the extra mile to propose that instead of the easy route that simply declaring Adam powerful enough to force Eve to change her mind would have been. Way cooler.

Um um ummm, whatttt elseeeee? I keep expecting it to work out that Honey is the reincarnated soul of all those people Adam has ever cared about, so he's just loving the same soul over and over. I can't lie, I'm kind of hoping that's not the case, just because I've gotten used to you turning things around and denying the obvious at the last second with something I didn't necessarily see coming. Also I just like stories where even "soul mates" are anchored in a romantic history that is less than tidy. A history of flaws becomes a beautiful backdrop for stranger moments of perfection. So although I won't hate it if you go that route, I've got my fingers crossed that you've got more surprises hidden up your sleeve.

Oh yeah, backtracking since I'm playing review catch-up, in the rewrite it might be nice if Evelyn's introduction into the story were less obvious. If you could play her off at first as if she were just a friendly side-character to Honey, I think her big reveal might be more effective. I liked her friendship with Honey — bantering fun and chocolate, awww yeahhh — it was just achingly obvious right off the bat that she was a kind of big bad destined to foil Honey and Adam's truuuuu luvvvvvv.

Also Teddy being the one to punch Gabe was super effective and on point. The nice guy turned punisher bit was perfection. Also also Jesse is fabulously multi-dimensional basically the whole way through and I appreciate that so much. He might be flippant and dirty, but you keep it mixed up enough that he doesn't feel flat, which is impressive. Honey is similarly winning (although she and Adam could still do with a little less of the noble idiot syndrome, but that's one of my personal pet peeves so I might be the minority there), which I appreciate doubly because I so rarely genuinely -like- the heroine and more often read stories for an interest in their experiences rather than being invested in them individually. She's weird and downplayed to just the right degree though, so that I never feel like I'm suffering a contradiction of being told she's painfully ordinary and extraordinary at the same time, which is all to often the case in other stories. Much love to you for that and her charming, wandering mind.

Man it would be so great if the end of this story would just magically appear. I'll be back no matter how long it takes, but it has been so much fun (re)reading this straight through all in one go. WOEEEEEEEE IS MY CHAPTERLESS LIFE.
A Perfect Sonnet chapter 23 . 1/7/2014
I had other things I was meaning to say, but all I can think about now is how much I love the whole infinite feeling thing in this chapter. It's kind of blowing my mind. I can't stop thinking about when you face two mirrors together and suddenly forever becomes a very literal thing and how feeling someone feel you feel them feel you feel them and on and on and on is just like that and it's such a gorgeous thought. Depth and levels and echoes of life itself. That's something I could read about forever. Lovely and fantastic and mesmerizing. I think the idea of it will haunt me in the best way possible.
A Perfect Sonnet chapter 15 . 1/7/2014
I read this oh-so-long ago and now I'm back for a re-read (and thrilled that there have been updates since I've been away) and this is still so fun and addictive! The chemistry is crackling and I love love love whenever you layer in little trails of mystery — name-drops, clever switcheroos, and of course, the great layers of supernatural elements.

I know you're planning a rewrite at some point, so I'd just like to take a minute to note a few things at this point. Firstly (and this may just be me... and Honey — I died laughing at her mental grumbling over the subject), the noble silence is starting to feel a little tiring by now, although I admittedly have a low tolerance for secret-keeping in stories for the sake of saving another person from being hurt. Hopefully a lot of unspoken secrets are about to be revealed, but if nothing else, you might consider speeding the reveal of the bruises and such up next time around, as that was beginning to feel a bit too drawn out.

Or, and I think this would actually be my preference as a reader because I do love when drama is tempered with laughs, you could switch things up a little more in between the angstier reveals. To be honest, I feel like you've missed a few opportunities when it comes to Adam's powers, especially during the stage where he and Honey are still in a bit of denial about their attraction/she hasn't realized what's going on quite yet. He could be reading her mind and tweaking her memories/thoughts to right anything that might put him in a bad light or be extra petty and plant little flickers of anti-Jesse hilarity in her head when his jealousy spikes. Not that he -needs- to be more impressive and swoon-worthy to her, but how fun (and romantically-telling) would it be if he's abusing his powers for the sake of little things that don't matter in the greater scheme of things, just to make himself even more attractive when it's already obvious that such measures are unnecessary. In that same vein, I'd also be psyched to see repeated instances of more dramatic memory erasing. Maybe before the scene where she figures out he's telling her things with the intention of erasing her memory, there could be a few unspoken scenes where -we- realize little things he has said or done have poofed from her memory and she's still oblivious (another sprinkle of the mystery or bait-and-switch you do so well). That could also allow you to portray Adam in a more open/less closed-off way, without his relationship with Honey speeding along too quickly. Their chemistry is at its best when they're taking jabs at each other and letting real words slip, rather than being overly tight-lipped.

Anywho, I have to run, but I'll try to be good about reviewing now that I'm into chapters I haven't ever read yet/haven't reviewed in the past/don't know what's coming. So glad you've kept up with this story over the years!
hirokiri9 chapter 26 . 12/20/2013
This is amazing! You are amazing! I've been captured by this story and its' character for a week now! Love it so much. Please keep up the hard work. I look forward to reading your other stories! Thank you so much! XD
The Lovely Orange chapter 26 . 12/7/2013
Chaos-Mode chapter 26 . 10/30/2013
I love this story. I love Honey and how she is such a unique character. Usually I find the main female characters annoying in romance stories, however I find Honey so refreshing to read. I still don't understand some points, but I really like your story line and how original it is and how it isn't the typical 'supernatural' romance. 4 MORE CHAPTERS TO GO! OMG I cannot wait to see how this ends. Please update soon!
Pink Pixie Dust chapter 26 . 10/30/2013
I was initially a little bit reluctant to fall into this world, since it seemed like the first chapter required so much buy-in on my part (in terms of noticing memorizing the different traits of the members of the Elite Five). I'm so glad that I gave it a chance, though, because after that first introduction, I started to be intrigued by the secrets and complex relationships, and I was soon devouring the chapters of this story.

I've really enjoyed the exposition of the last few chapters and am looking forward to the conclusion and wrapping up all of the plot lines. I'm particularly glad to have some insight into Gabe's character and his reasons for acting the way he has- I'm very glad that Honey was the one to confront him in the latest chapter. It's great that Eve's motivations are conceivably justifiable; it would have been disappointing to discover that she was a caricature or cartoonishly evil villain. The recent revelations about Elizabeth and Louisa's deaths has given her character a nice depth that I've really appreciated.

I'm a big fan of Adam and Honey, of course, but I also really enjoy the sections that are written from the perspectives of the other characters. Part of me feels like the story would work even better with these other voices interspersed more evenly throughout the narrative (it sort of feels like we have long sections in Honey's point of view that are interrupted by the others when it's particularly plot relevant, which is completely understandable but can be a little jarring); the rest of me is just fine with things as they are. I'd love to see even more exposition on the other members of the Elite Five. I know that it's important for Gabe (and Jesse to some extent) to be opaque to the reader, but I wonder if there's a way to let Teddy and Stefan have a little more screen time. I want to be friends (and not just sex-friends) with lovable playboy Jesse, so I'll be hoping for a real-life version to show up in my own life.

I'd have to go back and read again more closely in order to provide more detailed commentary (with quotations from the source material!) and it's too late for that now, but I just wanted to drop by and say that this is really a wonderful, complex, layered story and I'm very much looking forward to the resolution of the plot and the relationships. I hope that events in your life become a little bit calmer so that you have time to work on this, if that's what you want to do, since (selfishly) I also hope that you're able to update this soon! :)
PrincessofAtlantis chapter 26 . 9/17/2013
Hope you eventually update! What a cliffhanger! XD
Fan1 chapter 26 . 9/16/2013
Please, please update soon.
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