Reviews for Off white
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/10/2008
This is short. making it hard to do a depth review, but I shall do my best... lol.

Grammarwise I did not like the first stanza. The colon just didn't seem like it needed to be there. Also you say the words shine, but I have no idea what words you're talking about.

I did like the idea behind the piece. The whole off-white, white out thing was really unique. I also liked the question at the end because it's really great.

I like the flow of each individual stanza, but the flow from the first to second stanza seems odd. I think the connection is the words and the white out and the off white, but I just felt since I wasn't sure what the words were that the connection was a bit weak.

I liked the piece because it was original, but I just wish there was more. I like the whole two line stanza thing, but maybe another one? I dunno the piece just felt like it needed more in my opinion. Another thing I liked was the stars (scars) thing that was a great use of formatting.
Lily von Rider chapter 1 . 6/10/2008
It's short, but powerful. The words are chosen brilliantly. It makes one think.

I liked the effect of 'scars' put in brackets.

Both last lines in the two stanzas are the most powerful for me.

The use of non-capital letters are also very effective (unless you were just lazy, then bad for you).

Other than that, I see now fault.

Good job!

mate.feed.kill.repeat chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
So short, so simplistic. The formatting is impressive. I love the second line and the last line! They are amazing.

I must admit I enjoy bold/italic/underline formatting. If you're looking to make this flashier... try doing some of that. I would love to see the result.

The shortness of this piece is intriguing. I like the imagery and the simple style. Very nicely done.