Reviews for Elisa
TheBeautyOfTheGrave chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
O, this is very interesting and good. I like this bit:

He wanted to become your rainbow

He lent you his wings you were scared.

Good stuff
Unique1952 chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
Nice. I was a little confused at times, but the overall story here is nice.

"He lent you his wings

you were scared."

I like that part a lot. Nice work with this.
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
"a color from rainbow."... it should be from the rainbow

The two lines after that are double spaced, which seems odd...same at the end.

The piece is interesting... the whole rat thing. I liked it a lot and it was different. I also liked the shadows thing.
AK the Twilight chapter 1 . 6/9/2008
This is great as a poem, but as a song it feels too unstructured. There's no chorus, no rhyme, and it just doesn't seem to show off the power of song.

It is also pretty hard to follow. Some of the words work well together, like the recurring "rat" motive, but the rest seems to be strung together. While the "shadow" theme is okay, it doesn't seem to make too strong a connection with the rest of the poem. Remember, unity is important.

This wasn't as good as your other poetry, but it was interesting. Good job.