kool story so far what is layla hiding? what is she running from? lol cant wait for the explanation!XD

Again, nothing to reproach about mistakes.

It's good to see what others think of Lyla and the three guys.

I just realized: Your chapters are long, but so easy to read that you don't notice. This is good quality...

Now, update soon, please, and... Where the hell is Lyla going?

Also, if it's supernatural then some of the characters are supernatural beings... but what?

I think vampire is out of the question, because even though some vampires in fiction can be in sunlight, none of them can eat human food.

Werewolf... or something new that I haven't heard about.

Or maybe you researched other supernatural beings and found something old. So old everybody's forgotten about it. That would make it very original...

Kayleigh

Hey, Alice!

For once, I have found a story where I have nothing, nothing, to say about mistakes. Nothing.

You've got a very good first chapter, always something happening, a little fast paced at first. Good characters, Holly does seem three-dimensional. She's got life in her.

Although Bryn, "blondest of blondes" is a cliché character.

And try to add flaws to the appearances of Parker, Seth and Jackson. Although if they're supernatural beings then it's okay.

I went back to the beginning and because you got on with the story, I had completely forgotten about the beginning.

And your beginning... Well it's the forgettable type.

I like your title, very well chosen.

The prologue should be separate.

I also forgot that the rest of the chapter is a flashback, which you smoothly put in the story. Some people put flashbacks where there shouldn't be or at the wrong time.

Very good first chapter (I feel like I'm repeating myself, maybe I am) and this is definitely adequate for the awards. I'll add it to the list.

I seriously can't believe it, though. I haven't found many stories where I didn't need to correct the author...

Kayleigh

(Did Maxime scare you away during the conversation? A little? A lot? She really does take some getting used to...)

Here is a review! I love this story so far! Keep writing I am adding you to my Author Alert, Favorite Authors, Favorite Stories, and Story Alert.

Hi Alice,

There are two things going strongly for you in this chapter, both having to do with the air of mystery surrounding Lyla and the guys.

The first would be Lyla's large appetite, and the second is Bryn's description of how Lyla only hung out with them from the beginning.

Both of these seem could seem like normal characterizations, but the way they were written stood out as important details, so good job on that.

Looking forward to the next chapter! :-)

Hi,

Congratulations on a well-written first chapter. I'm a little disconcerted that Lyla has my last name. :-) I like the name Lyla; one of my characters has the same name, just with an "i."

You start the story off with a good pace which flows through the rest of the chapter.

No cliches yet, but just keep a look out. I'll add this to my story watch and keep reading!