Reviews for A Night in Darkmoor |
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![]() ![]() ![]() You forgot the gum to help him quit. I feel like if he was trying so hard and the patches gave him nightmares he would definitely have tried the gum, no? "his mother about ready to scold him for doing wrong." I don't think you need to repeat his mother in that part Toward the end there are two boxes before that last part. I dunno if that was on purpose or not, but it's kinda weird. "yet had only had patrol" the two hads sounded odd, maybe "yet only had patrol" Anyway, I really like this piece. I hope you figure out where to go with it if what to, but I think it also kinda stands on its own. Though if you were to leave it I might describe the whole Normberg thing more. Anyhow I liked this piece because your word choice was really excellent and the way you described the whole cigarette thing was both funny and serious at the same time. Great job. PS. If you're bored check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile) |