Reviews for Soul
RogerTonyRue chapter 5 . 4/6/2014
Murder's weapon is so Will Parry's :D
Sheaman3773 chapter 8 . 5/14/2013
Now, I don't know whether you're revealing that the Captor is the Grand Adviser (something that would make sense) or if that's just a red herring.
Tikigod784 chapter 11 . 10/8/2009
"He who laughs" huh... I'm suddenly reminded of Kefka...*shudder*

Kanrei chapter 1 . 9/9/2009
Like your story!but i didn't read all of this chapter coz it just goes on and on...i skipped 1/4 of it, sorry!
Tikigod784 chapter 10 . 9/6/2009
awesome update. We finally get a simple explanation of magic. Eriko would be peeved...

glad to see you're still writing!
nolrai chapter 9 . 4/9/2009
Awesome. I love this story!
Tikigod784 chapter 9 . 4/8/2009
And here I thought she was going to close the portal around its' neck. Gruesome, but effective? The portals seem, how should I say... "soft", like in Portal (the game).

Besides the obvious rival magical girl sure to appear (maybe), any plans on allies to Eriko's cause? The kind that support her in battle, like Junko becoming a magical girl or something... though her not being interested in science might pose a problem. Maybe this Kazu kid. Then it'll be time for GATTAI! Fusion HA and all that... where the hell am I even going with this? XD
Shay Guy chapter 9 . 4/2/2009
"Council of Wisdom." Lovely. Another faction. For some reason, I keep imagining this story with the Code Geass soundtrack and animation team.

I'm not exactly sure why you telegraphed her late arrival like that.

You seem to be making a habit of introducing characters, giving some information about them, then killing them off a couple of paragraphs later. Did you pick this up from another author?

"All but squeed" sounds The Internet slang doesn't really fit the context. Maybe "she had actually squealed out loud."

Then, we left on our honeymoon trip.

Not that it will make any real difference in the end.

Are you forgetting how to do multi-paragraph quotes again?

Nice meta-commentary on intelligent protagonists. Does Eriko frequent Comic Book Rumbles, then?

You didn't exactly give much description to the "transformation pillar." I guess I can understand that you didn't want to disrupt the pacing, but it still makes it hard to visualize. (Hell, does she stand on it? In front of it? Inside it?) The kaiju maybe could've done with a bit more description when it first appeared, too.

Again with the anvils? Does Eriko have a compulsive need to leave a calling card? There are better shapes for a giant metal projectile.

Tungsten and gold are heavier. 19.3 to 19.1. (Is this actually the first thought she's given to metal densities?) And you weren't exactly clear on the ramp's role in the spear-throwing.

And finally, you left out an angle bracket on the new site's version of this chapter. Check Masaki's line.

Huh. I think I'm actually getting the hang of this critiquing.
mutecebu chapter 1 . 2/8/2009
I really like it! I'm on page 2 right now. I really liked P1, it made me want to read the rest!
nolrai chapter 8 . 1/8/2009
I love this story. I love the charaters, and the magic, and everything. I wish i could edit it but I just like it too much. (well and I'm not trained in critique)
greenmean chapter 8 . 1/5/2009
Nice use of Occam's razor. (Using a portal to chuck someone into space)

Though if the person in question has used some noble magic before, along the lines of a magical space suit, it would not work on that person. (So it could be a one-shot deal. (Or a one-shot deal for each magician))
Shay Guy chapter 8 . 1/3/2009
It would only be a short delay if he could portal back, though.

Pressure difference?

that they could capture one of the magic-users - much less Murder himself - was unexpected, especially so soon.

Quick note for lines like this — you're actually supposed to use the em dash in these cases. Like that one.

"Am I what? Happy to be here? A party girl? Curious by nature? A fairy? Adventurous? The best singer in Feyland? Capable of going on with this till next year if I want to?"

Okay, I think I like this character. So far. From the "interesting times" bit, I suspect there's more to her than meets the eye.

"Yes, it's true", said Monsoon,

Comma goes inside the quote mark.

"noble magic isn't really something you can use on the fly. Not good for combat, unless you take a few moments to cast it beforehand, like your shields and disguise."

Hmm... /me goes to the combat thread

"Given name first, surname last. It's the right order in a lot of countries, but not in Japan.

I notice Eriko didn't mention WHICH surname Aurora used.

The color drained for Eriko's face faster than the air from a popped balloon.

See, I would've just facepalmed and asked what possessed him to go all Akira.

It was Junko, puzzled, who spoke: "Wait, wait. Anti-matter? What's that?"

...Okay, I'll admit I'm not that knowledgeable on what the "average kid" learns when, much less the average Japanese kid, but not knowing what antimatter is at age 13?

Monsoon smiled. "Of course not. I work hard at this.

Jokes aside, though,

Okay, again, improper formatting. If you have to have the paragraph break, there should be another opening quote mark before "Jokes." But here, really, you could've gotten away without having the break at all.

It's been joked that our History can be summed up as "things got worse".

Got that one from the Devourer of Time?

"Dimitry then." He took off his hat.

I thought Eriko blew of that hat? Did he conjure a new one?

"And any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic", Eriko chimed in with the Clarke quote.

"Any sufficiently advanced technology is indistinguishable from magic."


"Any sufficiently advanced magic is indistinguishable from technology."


"Any sufficiently analyzed magic is indistinguishable from SCIENCE!"


Kazu, heading toward them, dragging Kunio by the ear.

Didn't notice his first name last time, but...was it meant as an ironic reference to "Nekketsu Kouha Kunio-kun?"

Losing patience, Masaka stepped in front of the stranger.

Shouldn't that be "Masaki?" (This guy isn't Juraian, is he?) Your last chapter had a "Kahahara," too.

For no clear reason, his fist stopped right before hitting the man, then pulled back. Even though his muscles were still pushing forward.

Portals aren't the only spatial distortions available, then?

"Masaki? The * are you doing?"

Okay, I give up. How does "*" translate to Japanese?

He isn't trying to prove his ideas are right, he's trying to prove he's all cool and awesome.

Then the obvious approach is to try and make him look like a dork. Somehow.

"Sigh... One hundred million counterfeit yens, coming up."

Wouldn't it be simpler to just make gold? Or has it not occurred to them that mostly-non-magical worlds tend to have chemically simple, scarce, highly-valued resources?
Catty chapter 2 . 11/8/2008
Well read the first 2 chapters so far and I like it, a lot.

It's a very intriguing start. Keep up the great work.
Tikigod784 chapter 7 . 11/5/2008
ah, no brightly colored side-kick for soul and her life as Eriko's gonna go down the toilet. This is turning out like Spider-man or something... looking forward to more updates (long chapters are cool)
chris chapter 1 . 8/28/2008
this is amazingly good. please keep writing.
29 | Page 1 2 Next »