|Reviews for Perspective|
| dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 7/18/2008
The Roadhouse is running out of beer! Follow the link in my profile to help save it (and spread reviews all around fp!)
I like this a lot. It's a very unique perspective on originality. I like the lines "a sea of mergiing dots/swelling and ebbing as one." I can see the image very vividly, and the feeling of flowing adds to the flow of the poem.
Something about the line "together into a flickering river." isn't sitting right with me. Maybe it's the two longer words in a single line. It just didn't seem to fit the flow of the first stanza.
Beautiful work as always!
| B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
I liked the first two stanzas. You use images we have all seen and I think that works well.
The third stanza. I got caught on the first period. All the others only have one complete thought. Now if the idea is to slow things down, then perhaps the last line could be a series of one line sentences - forcing the reader to narrow focus. Perhaps like this (excuse the liberty)
Individuality is not so easily lost.
Won't you zoom in.
And see Me.
Just a thought that the use of capitals and punctuation, along with a few short phrases would highlight your point.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
I love this piece because the idea is so interesting. The way you describe the videos is interesting, but the last line is my favorite because it just makes the poem into something totally different. Great piece.
PS if you’re bored, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| nighthawks.lullaby chapter 1 . 6/13/2008
Great poem, there's a strongness in your words.
I agree, as well.