this is fantastic! i love the dialogue and characters

Beautiful description of the girl. Nice title. Great, mysterious beginning. Keep writing!

Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer.

~Twilight Starr~

Everything happens really fast, but I'm guilty of that too hehe. I like the imagery, I'm such a sucker for it.

One thing I can tell you though, don't say you won't update unless you get reviews because that seriously turns readers off. It makes you look like you're begging. Just a helpful suggestion. :)