|Reviews for remember to forget|
| punctured.lungs chapter 1 . 3/27/2011
i like it.
| just to burn chapter 1 . 10/12/2009
"i'm broken enough for the both of us." I love that line.
| From The Stone Bridge chapter 1 . 10/8/2008
Akaward is grace. I liked it.
| Amarone chapter 1 . 6/16/2008
I wouldn't say awkward, I'd say more of 'Wow, now this is what I call amazing.' The vivid, powerful images cut deep. The descriptions are quite unique - "half-chewed cigarettes/mashed up like glass hearts". Nicely done.
Btw, thanks for the review on "what doesn't kill me makes me stronger" :)
| Midnight In Eden chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
First of all, great structure. I love the long lines and short stanzas. I also really enjoyed the final couplet of this. It's brutal but not melodramatic which is a fresh change.
One suggestion though, look into being more economic with your words. By that I mean that the "the" on the L2 of the S1, the "are" on the L2 S2, "the" on L3 S2 isn't necessary, "the" on L2 S3 aren't necessary. Look at clearly out those little words that clutter this poem up a bit and try to be more succinct with your phrasing to give this more of a poetic touch. For example, "the smoke of her cigarette" could easily be "cigarette smoke".
That said, I really liked the feeling of this poem, dirty, grimy and honest.
One other thing - check out the Review Marathon. It's part of the Review Game and there's a link in my profile.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 6/15/2008
The part about the lips in the second to last stanza seemed odd to me, the lips being between the teeth. Aren’t teeth between your lips? Other than that I like it a lot. The descriptions you have are really amazing because they are unique and powerful. I also love the last line, it’s perfect. I also like that your punctuation is done correctly!
PS if you’re bored, check out the Review Game and/or its Review Marathon (link in my profile)
| Faith Adeline chapter 1 . 6/14/2008
I liked this. Good piece, nice imagery.
| East-0f-Eden chapter 1 . 6/14/2008
i love how descriptive you are in your writting.
| The Exuberant chapter 1 . 6/14/2008