Reviews for A Hell of a Town
Removed01 chapter 33 . 10/26/2009
Well this was fun. I remember we had plenty of conversations covering these explanations, which now that I think about it, musta been a lot of fun for you (I know how exciting it is to talk about something you thought of with someone else who is at least half as excited as you are about it). At this poit I'm also quite happy to notice that I read your story well (hey, I'm also reviewing myself here); I mean, it's not that I "guessed" your sub-plots, more like I read well enough to get the conclusions you wanted people to get. For example, a couple of minutes ago I was thinking how cool it was that I "guessed" (more like remembered) that Sarah's mind was the graveyard Zaty was in (thing that is kinda creepy for such a chery girl, if you think about it), and the fact that I had "guessed" months ago that K.T. was Sarah's mother (the fact that she's Red Riding Hood now isn't that big of a shock). It's quite cool how you're weaving the threads. But anyway, the party's done and the ship has to sail (great analogy that one...), read ya again later.

Best Wishes from AG
Removed01 chapter 32 . 10/26/2009
Well that's funny, isn't that pretty much the same train of thought Deckstah had when Sylvia walked in?

At this point, the woman came to a conclusion…she had to tease him a little bit. I mean, come on…if he’s going to be this helpless over asking for directions, wouldn’t be great to string him a long for a while, and then step on him later? -That "I mean" there pretty much ruins the entire paragraph, not to mention the flow. Abrupt changes of pov like that are painful (I cringe at the sight of "you" trying to engage the reader of a 3rd person pov text). Please consider changing this.

Oh. I know who this new "woman" is.

First of all, she removed her top, leaving only her underwear to cover her more private areas, Secondly; she pulled out the tool resting on the top of the pile in the case. -the comma there shoul be a dot.

Ahh, so "Sylvia" doesn't exactly take "faith", huh?

Yes, of course the place is familiar to Zaty. Wasn't something like a graveyard the view from inside Sarah's head, or were those dreams, or both? Now, changing topic, I think this is gonna be good for Zaty. I mean, it's a huge blow, but it should work for her to grow up. Hell, it's even almost a complete human experience for her- Oh look it, I was right again! -self pats back-

PFF the ghosts think Zataiah is their Queen! HOLY SMOKES! She's gonna get her own army to play with! And worse yet, they all think she'll save them. Why, but this reminded me a bit of Tylenol. R.I.P.

Teehee, K.T. is out to play! And "Hell" is no more.

Best Wishes from AG
Guest chapter 31 . 10/26/2009
At the beginning: He looked like he was wearing a white shirt of some kind Other than that, Dexter couldn’t make anything else out. -Dot is missing.

The first part made me think of something you told me once about a submarine; I think it was a submarine...

Ah, gee, Sarah is so dumb. She thinks Julette is getting treatment... Now I understand. Dumb can be defined as one who is merciful. And people wonder why the world is as it is nowadays!

It also had large, round pieced of rubber. -piece.

Okay I have to be honest. The scene of Sarah finding Deckstah to be dead and the one with Jessica after that didn't buy me. I was clicking my tongue again at how Sarah seemed to (again) be unable to FEEL. My best Sailor language came out! But then she started to show promise... At fucking last, man! I was beginning to think she was deader than her mum.

When she went to bed and Zaty called: “Sarah”? -you know it.

“No,” Sarah snapped. “You’re going to have to live your life. IF you don’t know how, learn, but you don’t get to take the easy way out.” -Was that IF on purpose?

Well, I don't know or care what anyone else has to say but I found the Manny part to be very funny. Bit of a sick humour going on, but hey, dude calls the corpses his "friends"! Not to mention he's into South Park.

Spinning around, while wiping her eyes as best she could, she saw something far into the distance... -as best as she could.

-GROAN- Peachy keen! Now this means Juliette is gonna appear in Lost as well! BLOODY FUCK. Do you know what this means? Does the phrase "murderous thoughts" sound familiar?

Although I have to say I quite appreciated Deckstah's fate. It was kind of expected with the way the previous chapter ended, plus the existence of Red Riding Hood, and no, it's not because I read the Special Features DVD first. One, there was no way it was going to end perfectly well for him, and two, you spoiled me.

At the snail pace I'm going, hopefully I'll read the last chapter before the sun comes out.

Best Wishes from AG
Removed01 chapter 30 . 10/24/2009
Okay, THE action is coming.

Zatailah turned to hear what Dexter was about to say. Silently, she prepared herself to hear what he was about to say. -Sounds redundant.

Zatailah was about to interrupt, and demand an apology. But, as her mouth opened, she something odd. -she saw something odd.

I'm amazed that for ONE second Zaty couldn't be bothered to eat up whatever Deckstah was saying. Proves to you (us) how important these ghost are, huh?

And now I'm amazed by the fact that she seems to be growing up... Un fucking believable.

Oh, scratch that: She was so excited at the prospect of entering a battle alongside Dexter that she forgot about the two apparitions that she had just seen. For her, nothing else was really important. (After this there's no line break other than a bunch of nines. Revise: It's all nines everywhere.)

Zatailah’s intrigue at the apparition was diminished severely by this revelation. She was going in with Dexter!” -Find the flaw! (One line after this one and I'm laughng like the insane person I am.)

Oh, Larisa/Tylenol moment. Don't you just love those? (I know you do.) I find it particularly amusing how she doesn't seem to realize any longer that she's kinda confusing herself with Larisa.

It now resided on the floor, a tangles mess right next to her previous project. -Tangled.

Hmm, no one visits her. No one talks to her. She's saved them all and in turn only asks for a little piece of their souls, not that they know. Of course they don't! It's not like they can feel the unavoidable link between them; no sir, humans are simple pets, and as such, it takes them about fifty seconds to forget the carnage she created, and the fact that SHE killed one of those she saved.

Gee, I wonder why nobody wants to be with you?

Great. Tylenol and Juliette moment. Stupidity unbound. EVIL thing.

Maybe we should all live inside each other’s heads for a while, -Eh, NO.

Zatailah watched at the spectral stowaway climbed downward from the vehicle. -as the spectral?

Lol, a carpenter? Poor Deckstah, the shock is doing things to his head... Amusing. Now he sports two marks. Teehee. I wonder who the other one is from (sarcasm).

But, aren’t I past that now? -Needs italics.

Her winks were blackened, as if plagues by some foul malady. -Wings.

Well that was fun, I wasn't expecting a Sarah/Mercedes bonding moment, but it was quite enlightening (to both of them, that is). Mercedes is an interesting character even if I don't really like her.

Now THIS is priceless. Zaty trying to strike up a conversation with Deckstah! Imma savour this moment, hold on.

-Bursts out CACKLING-

(You can lose the set of extra ... there and put it in words.)

OH MY GAWD, this is HILAROUS. That is some bold confession; you hardly would tell she was having so much trouble getting it out. -giggle- The explanation made the situation worse- I mean, better.

Holy shit, he thought. She’s not joking! - !

She was checking him out and all! Fuck, piggy laugh is out. Now, if Deckstah ranked his girls Zaty would be...

FANSERVICE! Sarah vs. Juliette. Ding ding! ...Aww damn, interruption.

Fabulous, I knew this was going to be the trigger for Zaty, what with the White Knight being the most important thing to her and all... even more than a promise. I bet she's gonna feel bad afterwards though, and is gonna apologize profusely. "I am sorry, I am sorry." It's okay hunny, you're forgiven.


Just killthat bitch.

“Since when could feel anything?” -could you?

Well that's some demise for Juliette. -cheeky grin-

What a GREAT cliffhanger. Worse part is that I have to wait to read the rest another day. That blows, it seriosly really does. I'll be so er, sad? I'll be so sad if he dies. But then again...

It's you we're talking about, pff.

Best Wishes from AG
Bryanna chapter 33 . 10/22/2009
You wrapped things up very nicely for a first installment, and I can't wait for the next part to be posted :).

I LOVE how you describe your angel/demons as kids, that fits so perfectly! Juliette ticks me off, but that's what a good character does: you either love them, hate them, or love to hate them. I'm excited to read about Dexter's adventures in the um, "afterlife", because I know he'll be back.

I caught a lot of spelling/grammar errors with your sentence structure in the last few chapters, but nothing so bad it was distracting...

I could go on about how AMAZING this story is, and how much I'd love for it to be published so I could read it like a proper book, but that might take all day. It also reminds me a lot of The Stand, by Stephen King... it's the characters, I guess. Take that as a compliment, haha, that's one of my fave SK books.


- B.
Bryanna chapter 2 . 10/18/2009
Wow. I'm only two chapters in, and wow. Your writing is very clear and succinct; you let the story flow without forcing anything down the reader's throat, which is nice!

The scene where the guys are doing the shots made my stomach turn a bit, that brought back some great memories, haha - thanks :P.

Off to read some more,

- B.
Tawny Owl chapter 24 . 10/17/2009
Yay, I finally got to the end of this. Although because I read it in half a dozen sittings the review will be backwards and slightly patchy.

I was excited that Curiel and Dexter meet up – it feels like the opposition is starting to rouse itself. Although I think it’s sweet that Curiel’s trying to protect Tiffany I think it’s going to be a decision that comes back to bite him. If it’s one thing fiction has taught me its that the more you to try to protect someone the more likely they are to either be killed or indirectly get you killed by trying to help. The whole thing with the TV programme seemed a bit of an unnecessary detour though – although it could be something I have to remember for later?

Zatilah was really child like with her plane. It was a nice image and a striking contrast to her fighting the red haired psycho. I’m still not sure what’s going on with that – but it seems like it’s not just a demon. Then she went to Tydannoth though – oops. It sounds like Tydannoth is going to try and get Zatilah to fight her battle for her. I really can’t make up my mind whether I like Zatilah or whether I find her irritating.

The repetition of I’m sorry and ‘is that all she says’ was hilarious though. And I enjoyed Tiffany and Sarah coming up to speed with each other. And Tiffany’s jealousy!
Minty F chapter 12 . 10/12/2009
I should be reading House of Wolves right now for the interview I'm conducting with MaGa this evening, but I keep sneaking off to read this instead. Mama MaGa won't be happy, but she did give me the link to your story so it's all her fault.

Anyway, really nice work. I love how you've developed your characters - especially Dexter and Tydannoth. She's so good at faking sweet it scares me...

Excellent plot and progression, too. Overall this is amazing writing so far. I shall secretly continue reading and leave you a more intelligent review later.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 32 . 10/12/2009
Oh, how interesting! 8D

Who is this collector of pain and what is her role in the grand scheme of things?

Is Zatailah really off to find Dexter? How is she gonna get there? O: What about Sarah?

Who is this K.T woman, really? She was obviously the one oozing green slime from before, but what does she want with Sarah?

A fantastic epilogue, I'll be dying to find out more in the next book! Amazing work.

VelvetyCheerio chapter 31 . 10/12/2009
Shit, Dexter, why didn't you stay away from the boats?

Aah, I like this winding down feeling. It's pretty sad, seeing the survivors and all, but I mean... what a show this was.

I did not like that other Dexter. What the freak? Why was that Dexter mangled beyond repair while the real one was fine? What is up with this soul splitting, hmm?

Whoa! Tydannoth was burned to nothingness? Is that even possible? And if Tydannoth is burned away from the face of the earth, doesn't that mean she goes back to Hell?

Where Dexter and Juliette are? D: This can not end well on so many levels. :

Aww, poor Zatailah. :'( There are no words for that, just utter sadness. T_T I can't imagine my favorite character ever being gone... forever... TT_TT

Hmm, Sarah's mom come to visit? Sounds exciting.

Manny's a freak, but I really hate how those people eat food and then just leave it on the bodies. So gross! DX

But yeah, Dexter is really dead. I'm not liking that at all. Not to mention he ends up in some gray world. I mean, he's a hero of humanity! St. Peter should be calling his name and angels should be sweeping him up to the land of milk and honey. Right?

Aah, you know, you really had me going with that last bit on Juliette. For a second, I thought the people had thrown her body in a river and then, she came back to life, only to hauled in with the catch of the day by some fishermen... yeah, really glad that wasn't the case. I hope they take Juliette to the center of Hell and char her up for eternity. -_-

VelvetyCheerio chapter 30 . 10/11/2009 that did not just happen...

Oh my goodness, why?

Okay, first of all, what's up with all these ghosts showing up? Has a rift between death and Nothing been opened? And there are even more ghosts and they're all together? Wtf?

[“Dante Alighieri. You know, The Inferno?”] I'm reading that now. Teehee. But that was rather clever of Dexter. He is a smooth operator. XD

Argh! All the parts concerning Jessica were threatening me with a heart attack! D: Ugh. Even if she is scared out of her right mind, I did not want anyone ending their own life. :/

Really glad she didn't in the very end! Phew!

Kekeke... Tydannoth is a caffeine addict. XD Serves her right, the filthy demon. -_- Haha! In the very end, it was an invention of man that defeated the mighty demon. Humanity ftw!

[So, in total, he was going in with two scared girls and a retarded zombie.] ROFLCOPTER! XD XD

[“Most likely, it’ll be to keep her from stabbing you.”] Lol. I like the three of them, together, talking. They're hilarious. Mainly Sarah and Dexter, though. Zatailah is just there for the lulz.

That "speshul" moment between Dexter and Zatailah was made of pure crack. XD The reactions, the horror, the sheer win... XD I couldn't stop cracking up throughout it.

[He wasn’t here to shake his ass for a walking corpse.]

favorite line. XD XD

You know what really made me mad about the fight between Sarah and Juliette? The fact that Mercedes stood by and watched. Why didn't she do anything? She just left Sarah to fend for herself... what, she grabbed a bag of popcorn and enjoyed the show? -_- Mercedes is on my bad list now... even if she did help serve that bitch, Juliette, her just deserts.

Man, that was the best part of this story ever! Whoop! Juliette is dead and gone! Yeah! *pumps fist into air*

Ahem. The hand gesture scene with Zatailah was hilarious. At a point, I was sort of pissed, but then I couldn't help but crack up at her cluelessness. XD Oh how I love that demon... She went pretty crazy on Tydannoth, though, which also made me happy. :) So glad Tydannoth no longer has a body, she has inflicted enough pain upon the world, mmhmm.

But then there's that very crucial bit about Dexter being dead... WTF?

He's not really dead, right?

Maria Gracia chapter 32 . 10/10/2009

I made a new guess after I realized you said you've been putting clues out there...

Okay. I like it.

Especially the part on the boat last chapter...


"Because, if the dead were not lost, that means they can be found." Is my preview on lost.

God, this is a horrible review. I didn't even point out what I thought was off.

Later I guess. Hope it all goes well with the writting in Lost.
readaholicxxx chapter 32 . 10/10/2009
wow, way to keep a reader hooked!
Kjersti chapter 32 . 10/10/2009
This story is amazing. I love the universe you've made (although it's a bit depressing at times :P). The ending was rather abrupt - guess I'll have to read the sequel as well. ;)

Good work!
Jax Creation chapter 32 . 10/10/2009
“What color hair dye is that?” Èlise asked. “I’ve never seen a shade of red that bright.”

Heh - now doesn't that sound familiar.

For some reason the whole ending up in water after dying reminds me of Hades with the boats and stuff.

Sorry, I'd leave a longer review but I'm kinda tired; but yeah, like I've being saying constantly, I can't wait for the next book to be out.


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