Reviews for A Hell of a Town
Tawny Owl chapter 16 . 8/11/2009
“I’ll have you know that I’m the first and greatest geek the world has ever seen.” Ha, brilliant – and explains the book fetish.

The tone of the prose with Carlos in is so different from the rest of the characters. He just strolls on in with his cynicism and starts kicking everything around. The fact that he wanted a dog was actually quite surprising. As was the fact that he confessed to Tydannoth so readily without being a bit put out or even angry that she’d hijacked his body. I thought he would have come out fighting. Although I suppose the key to most of the hard nut characters is that they aren’t as hard as you think. The bitterness angle made sense though, as did the argument for him wanting to help.

Tydannoth was absolutely chilling in her calmness, and I liked the line about her killing Carlos’ whole family if he harmed the flowers. After what we’ve seen of her you just knew she meant it.
Tawny Owl chapter 15 . 8/11/2009
So Tydannoth does love Juliette? That’s kind of sweet because I thought she was just kind of using her – she seems so indifferent sometimes. Although seeing that we’ve pretty much established she’s not the most stable of angels I’m probably wrong.

And I like the way her appearance changes when she’s feeling *rsey.

Liked the way you started the ‘digging the hole’ bit and telling us who was helping it. Sort of shocking, but so blunt it was also kind of funny.

“Can you see why I am still here?” – oh wow, perfect moment.

And Dexter’s a white knight, huh? And it’s his fault Zatilah’s here? Well, if Tydannoth can love Juliette I’m sure demons can have crushes as well. And Zatilah strikes me as the shy type that would admire from afar. Wonder how Sarah’ll feel about that.

I am starting to get confused with the names for the different angel/demon designations, but I think that’s mostly my inability to retain the information. I saw something in your profile so I’ll go and check that out again.
Tawny Owl chapter 14 . 8/5/2009
Wow, Sarah made Dexter forget the six thirty lady? Probably just as well: she sounds nuts too. Although I did like the nastiness of the comment about the butterfly having it’s wings cut off. She’s clearly trying to warn him or threaten him about something – but I can’t read between the lines at the moment.

I am starting to feel sorry for Tydannoth now. She seems like she has this huge ideal that just isn’t practical, and she’s kind of lost and not sure what she’s doing. That’s not to say that I’d want to get on board and help her out though: I think she’s a bit of a fanatic. The whole lost love thing gave her an interesting twist though.
Tawny Owl chapter 13 . 8/4/2009
Glad you explained what happened to Sarah a bit more. It must have something to do with the story. Has she got the angel of death in her or something? That’s what black wings say to me anyway. I’m still curious as to how it’s happened though.

And Mercedes not wanting to get out of bed. I like that she is so different from Juliette, and I did empathise with that. But suicide already? You have to at least try to fight back, girl!

And the two sides finally meet – all be it with Mercedes not really having her heart in it. Doesn’t Mercedes have a mark of some kind as well – or is the grey eyes it?
Tawny Owl chapter 12 . 8/3/2009
So, Tydannoth and Curiel have a past, maybe? And the angel finally gets nasty. On some level it was frustrating reading more or less the same stuff that was told to Juliette – but it was also a good way to illustrate the differences between Juliette and Mercedes. At first I thought Mercedes was going to be a bit of a drip - but after that it seems thats he could be trouble.

And Tydannoth’s remorse at the end made her seem like more of a complex character.

And the project in her study? Is she building a Frankenstein’s monster up there or something?
Tawny Owl chapter 11 . 8/2/2009
Oh, this was an interesting chapter. You tied the story in and it wasn’t too long, which was good because my attention didn’t drift. I liked the beginning and end of it as well, and the significance of having the jaw bones with the teeth in. I may have to read it again though – I get the feeling we’ll be tested on it later.

It did fling up an awful lot of questions as well because if Sarah is dead and has been taken over by the mistress of silence then it doesn’t seem to work in the same way as it has with Tyler and Larisa because she still seems to be Sarah running the show.
Removed01 chapter 29 . 8/2/2009
Okay at fucking last! I'm in full-on procrastinator mode, so I'm putting off everything that is important (studying, assignments, programming, etc). Hurray for FP and its very distracting nature!

My goodness, Sarah is an angel, a figurative one. She has so much patience to deal with dull witted Zaty. Thinking about it, I take ages to get to the point (on purpose), but I still would've had a hard time not screaming the answer at Zaty's face. She'd kill me too, I guess... But it doesn't seem like Sarah's thinking about that.

“And so, she took him anyway, and he still has him. Now, if she was your friend, why would she do that?” And She still has him.

She knew that her oldest friend was no friend at all. -I suggest adding a "now" where you see more fit, because the way this phrase is makes it seem like she's always known, when she just found out.

Yeah right, Sarah thought to herself. I’ll believe that when I see it. -Hurray! She's not a saint after all.

Well I'm glad Zaty's now convinced she was on the wrong side, lets hope it stays that way. I think it will, as long as Sarah's mind is clear cos, ahem, Sarah has the brains of the pair.

Another suggestion, don't capitalize words for emphasis, it looks better if you put them in italics. Capitalizing them is like screaming at the readers, and it interrupts the flow structure of the sentence. Bolding and underlining are the same, so I've concluded italics are better. (Later in the chapter you put italic words in Tylenol's pov, that looked good.)

Jessica talking "...If not, she’ll send that goon of hers so come beat us up.” To come?

And um, I think this:

She was going to lose. She knew she would. But regardless.

She and her kids were going to go down fighting.

Would look better like this: She was going to lose. She knew she would. But regardless, she and her kids were going to go down fighting. (Later in the chapter I read her boy's just a six year old, and her girl is older but still very young, and she's gonna teach them how to use guns? Pff, and you blame schools...)

On another note, Jessica hasn't been a big character during the story, so I don't know well how she ticks, but her reaction to the entire situation seems unreal to me. Even in her moping she was much too strong and coherent; why isn't she horrified, traumatized and shell shocked? Why is she back to the place where she killed her husband so soon? And while she's there, why does she act mostly like she's just upset or annoyed?

Also, he’d have to decide between the larger wooden bats for adults, of some of the smaller aluminum bats that were legal for kids and in college. -or some of. I vote for the auminium ones. Although with his build maybe a steel bat would be better. Do they make those? (Would be nifty.)

Larisa reached over for it. But, just before she did, she noticed something wit her hand. -with her hand.

It was supposed to do that, but Larisa was still excited. This had to be the time it worked. -The but there made me think it should say "It wasn't supposed to do that,"

She's quite the nutcake, she. Now she has a coffee addiction; it's bad enough for some people, but a lunatic demon from Hell? Joy of all joys. I hope that plays against her later. Hmph. That part when she discovered Curiel's powers were now hers forever freaked me out (made me a bit pissy too, you know I liked THE VOICE (I mean, Curiel). Don't tell me she gets it too?).

“Si, uno momento, por favor.” -Cringe- “Si, un momento, por favor.” Deckstah can screw up all he wants, but in a Spanish speaking household that one isn't passing by.

How old is Mindy? And why didn't she freak out when her mum said her dad's in Heaven? Furthermore, why didn't she freak out when her mum told her they'd meet him soon? I'd been throwing wtf's faster than you can say CHEESE! I'm thinking that entire family is off in the head.

Lol, Zaty has problems with pets now. That's funny. Aw, Zatailah in love has to be the most adorable thing in this story; Deckstah's got her all self conscious now -cracking up-. She's even rushing to doors! How teenager like of her.

Okay she really doesn't realize her new gift offering for the "White Knight" is better than jawbones, hmm?

Why, you just described what Deckstah was wearing. You've oficially walked to the dark side of FP, congratulations! (Just teasing you.) If he's wearing shorts didn't Zaty get to see a bit of skin? -winkwink-

This was my favourite part of the chapter:

Zatailah didn’t answer. She turned to Sarah.

Neither did Sarah. She turned to Dexter.

“Because no one else will,” Dexter asked.

(I imagined: And Dexter looked behind him. There was no one. "Shit, because we're all fools!")

-Round of applause- Deckstah, you've now successfully become the leader of the Hell expedition! Good luck pal, you're gonna need all there is in the universe.

Best Wishes from AG
Tawny Owl chapter 10 . 7/31/2009
I liked the fact that the board called the away team the other guys. There's lots of religious stuff in the back ground, like the crosses on the rugby uniforms and the padres being the baseball team. Something Tydannoth said about belief is springing to mind. And I often think about that when I'm at music gigs sometimes - the way everyone is just so focused on one thing with all their energy directed at it. Am I reading too much into that?

Yes, long chapter. But the end was interesting. Did Sarah's hitch hiker have something to do with it? I liked the way you showed it through the wind as well. Very mystical.

Nice build up of tension towards the end as well, although I did feel like I had to plough through the earlier paragraphs a bit. Although built like a spaghetti noodle was a great description!
Tawny Owl chapter 9 . 7/23/2009
Seriously, I don’t care if they’re helping people – Juliette and Larisa have the potential to be really manipulative and nasty. I hope I get to see more of that, and to see what the fall out is.

The implication of Larisa never meeting Jesus was brilliant. I like the idea that the angels aren’t completely from an already accepted religious structure.
Tawny Owl chapter 8 . 7/23/2009
Well done on making physics enjoyable. The ridiculousness of having weight in tiffs and Star Trek references made it easier to get through. As did the teasing between Tiffany and Tyler. I think I almost understood it as well.

So can Tyler just drop things straight into her brain? I like the way she gets the answers to questions she shouldn’t answer truthfully as well. That could be hilarious – although annoying for her.

I like Tyler’s preciseness as well. He has to be the geek. The relationship between him and Tiffany seems a lot more, urm, safer than the one between Juliette and Larisa. Although what is it about angels and book shops?

The mystery of Sarah’s reaper wings makes it feel like the plot is starting to move a bit as well.
Tawny Owl chapter 7 . 7/23/2009
Ok, I had a boring day at work so decided to play catch up.

I’m finding Larisa really fascinating. I like the balance

between what appears to be genuine affection for Juliette, but the way that Juliette still finds her aloof and a bit hard to relate to. The fact that it’s an angel in a human’s body is interesting as well because from the way Larisa acts it sort of implies that Tyndannoth is slowly learning about being human. I’m curious to see where this will go as the angel is clearly a workaholic with great future plans.

The only thing that really struck me with this chapter was that sometimes I felt I was just floating on the surface a bit, especially with the scene between Juliette and Al. Al didn’t really seem like a real person. The comment at the end about the janitor gave him an idea of his character but I would have liked to see more about him when he was actually talking to Juliette, appearance and mannerisms, things like that.

I did, worringly, find myself relating to the relief Juliette felt when she cut herself though.
ershadtjy chapter 5 . 7/23/2009
nice. where did you learn all the medical terminology? you should consider getting published, what you write is on par with most of the published writers out there.
Tawny Owl chapter 6 . 7/21/2009
You’re right this did feel like a slow chapter, but it is good to get to know the character’s a bit more some times. Actually the pace of the chapter kind of matched the monotony of Dexter’s job.

The one thing that did stop the chapter drifting though was Sarah’s phone message. It tied everything in and gave it a point. It was teasing almost to have the messages keep being from his mum and, and then the debt collectors when we knew there was one from Sarah.

I liked the matter of fact way you described the woman, and the details about Dexter’s life – like how he doesn’t wear his work clothes on the bus.
Tawny Owl chapter 5 . 7/20/2009
Wow, there was a lot of talking in this, but I think you needed it. I was glad to know how the Larisa/Tydannoth thing works. And there were still mysteries – like what was in the package.

Despite the angel being superficially nice there are also bits that are also a bit sinister. For example Larisa’s eagerness to clinch the deal with Juliette and collect followers. Didn’t she also kill Larisa’s husband rather than chucking him out?

Oh, he has, trust me - ha!
Tawny Owl chapter 4 . 7/16/2009
I Enjoyed Sarah’s confusion. Especially the randomness of the anvil’s being funny. The fading of the light and the ‘let me in’ was creepy too.

You’re guilty of living in the past? I agree with Dexter on that one. What is it about public employees and embarrassingly bad jokes?

And D.U.I? Driving Under something? I’m having trouble with the I. Influence?

Do we get to see Norma as well? She seemed like a well thought out character despite the fact she wasn't there for very long. And Juliette's observations about her were quite revealing to.

While we're on Norma I like the way you quote your characters at the beginning of the chapters. It's an idea I's like to borrow at some stage in the future. If I'm allowed?

The angel ordered pizza? I liked the way you made everything so normal, I really found myself empathising with Juliette’s disappointment. Until the blood trail that is. And it sounds like Larisa is going to give Juliette a straight answer, which seems unusual. (Not that I’ll complain).
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