|Reviews for Away With Jenny Wren|
| AnonymousReads chapter 1 . 9/17/2012
Not irrelevant. I need to know what happened
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 27 . 8/1/2010
Alright, two more chapters to go, but I guess I'll stop here. Honestly I really wanking to view the CGs that I've downloaded N hours ago, so there. Sorry if you got pissed though. I spent quite a bit of time downloading it and shit was like three hundred plus meg. -.-
Anyway, I can say that this is a very strong chapter befitting of the prelude to the climax. Luca seems to be really unhinged right from the bat just before the gun-and-Mikey shit. Honestly speaking though I think you could have put a humor statement or two comparing Mikey's psyche in Luca's view akin to that of the standard English football fan. I know what I'm talking about because whenever the press went batshit crazy over every major tournament England has qualified via some semblance of a walkover in the qualifiers, every English went stupid no matter how clever they are in academics. It's like OMG! WE QUALIFIED WITH PWNAGE AND WE'RE GONNA HAVE A GOOD CHANCE OF WINNING THE SHIT! Lol at all the stupid English. Not you anyway since you're no rabid footie. I admit that I'm a fan of England, but even then, I look at the facts, not how much every scoreline England has won in every qualifier even though they always played shitty to mid tiered opponents. -.-
But honestly speaking I think that although Mikey is nuts, it seems that it only served to gave him an extremely accurate insight on Luca's character as has been proven all the while. Man it seems that everyone of the characters are messed up in the brain. Well, maybe Jenny's the exception, but not too sure. Judging from this story, I'll have to say that you'll do good in creating psycho fics. ;)
| BestOfTheWorst chapter 29 . 7/31/2010
Oh, dear God, that was... wow. I've got a lump in my throat the size of an apple. I really have to disagree with Luca; that most certainly was not happily ever after. Despair isn't strong enough a word to convey how I feel about this ending. Jesus, I'm trembling...
| Charlee Rayne chapter 1 . 7/19/2010
Why would he help her then not continue to help her when she wants the help?
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 26 . 7/13/2010
Argh! Fuck fuckity fuck! I can't believe that I've missed out on you big time! T_T. Yeah it's Mr Ragna Badguy with a new nick. Can't blame you if you've forgotten about me. That plus I've seen you only rarely at Facebook. -.- Anyway, the whole chapter seems to be going around in circles plot wise until the very end. I do like Luca's choice of wording though. They're definitely funny in a weird way. But then again, this has always happened throughout the story so far and I doubt you will change that. But Luca's really messed up big time. I truly hope he won't end up as an Anakin clone. Fucker's way too emo in the Star Wars prelude movies. he should just be like Darth Vader. So fecking badass. The part on Jenny getting pregnant was a real throwback though. It's like something hitting out of nowhere, which is a good twist for sure. And I'll have to say that the little part on Sandy and Lamberry was a real karma. I'm not too sure about Sandy's extent in my opinion, but for Lamberry, he got it coming for playing the cheating game. I don't take such characters too well to be honest. And now, I'll have to see what Swallow will be playing out in the last few chapters. :)
| this wild abyss chapter 29 . 6/26/2010
Sorry I didn't review the rest of your story. I guess I was too absorbed. I suck, I know.
Anyway, ths is a brilliant story. Your storyline is impressively different and your writing is beautiful. I loved watching the characters develope, and your writing was AMAZING. I already said that, but oh well.
But I'm afraid the last five chapters or so were too vague for my idiotic mind to understand. I'd LOVE it if you would explain.
Thank you so much for writing this!
| Tawny Owl chapter 3 . 6/24/2010
I finally made it to the end of chapter 3!
Blood pours down the wall behind us. –wtf? But more so because he makes it feel so normal. Like he’s more worried about not getting it on his shoes rather than the fact its there at all.
"I saw her at parent's day with Katie just Wednesday—I do hope she gets better soon. Oh, you mean…Oh." – oh, you dopey twit, Morgan.
"Brilliant," I reply. – sarcastically, I hope.
"There! See! He's smiling;he'd love to—" – loved this bit. And I loved the politics of the two adults manipulating to get what they want by fighting over Luca.
Also love the way you tell us exactly the type of person Miss Bell is without actually telling us about her. The way you contrast her with Morgan and the way she speaks with the irritating italics are enough to make me think watching an organ failure would be a fun way to spend an afternoon.
"What?" Flat-chested and an idiot. Wonderful. – I think Luca’s thoughts need to be on a separate line from Jenny’s dialogue. And I would have liked to know how she talks too. It’s obvious that she does a lot of it, but it would have been fun to know whether it was that alone that got on Luca’s nerves of whether she was quite chirpy as she does it.
"Oh." Jenny frowns. "What do your parents do?" – oh, evasive. And not subtle about it….
"Really? Because her name's Katie and she's eleven?" – hehe, loving that.
You'd like him!" – Oh, Luca must have a sarcastic aside for that one!
. "You don't have to tell me—I'm just trying to be friendly. God, I suck so much at being friendly. I should just stick with making enemies—it's so much easier. Stab a person here, insult a person there—all so very easy." – I loved the rhythm of this, definitely sounds chirpy. And maybe a bit of nervous sing song as well?
"Kiss her, Luca," she mutters. "Kiss her good."
And it's so strange. Like she really is a sane, younger version of my mother. Like she knows what's best for me. Maybe that's what I recognise in her face; care. – That bit was all just so…..interesting, intriguing, and slightly kooky. Good though.
How odd that girl is. – says the boy who’s kissing someone because a dead ringer of his mother told him to!
pushing her back hard into her seat, - I’m a bit confused on the positioning. Are they both sitting down? And if they are how did Sandy get her hand into Luca’s back pocket?
"I guess you're just an awful kisser, Luca." – Oh, brilliant. And I love the way she just sweeps Sandy’s stuff away. Priceless.
Loving the advise from little sister and go. In my head even the news that Sandy picks her nose and eats it is delivered with knowing adult gravitas. It mad eme smile. I also like how you keep giving us clues that Luca is actually quite good looking for a bad boy outsider, and without actually telling us. It reinforces that he is kind of oblivious to it – or, more importantly, just has things on his mind that don’t revolve around girls all the time.
I love Jenny’s dialogue. She’s so snappy. And she can smell fear? I’m wondering if that’s just common sense or something more akin to Luca singing away acne. (Which would be very useful)
the bright red streak stark against my monochrome life – nice and strong, and scary. It nearly made me shiver. I think because we’ve already had blood on the walls and ghostly friends by rubber plants. I’m starting to believe reality is flexible. (Yes, the singing wasn’t enough.)
"Can't tell anyone now, Luca; my tongue would burn out and my eyes would turn into sulphuric acid. So what did you do?" – And that just breaks it and makes me feel silly. It’s like you’re deliberately playing with emotions like they do in horror films some times. Setting it up, and making you feel stupid so that when they do set you up and follow through it’s worse. Does that make any sense? Or am I just being weird?
I'm perfectly happy to let bitterness kill me. That's kind of the problem. Ha!
Dark, twisted reasons that strangle his mind like liquorice laces." – lovely.
At Jay’s – I’m sensing a theme. Is her brother called Robin or something similar?
| this wild abyss chapter 3 . 6/24/2010
- I like how Morgan is so blissfully unaware of the goings on at school. She reminds me of my old counselor when I was in school.
- Luca’s comment about Katie made me laugh. (: But I am a little confused. Luca is a foster child, correct? And Katie is his foster parents’ biological daughter, correct? Or at least that’s what I thought. That issue could use clearing up.
- “Sometimes I think that all I ever do is lie to the people I care about. I don't mean to do it; it only happens because I care.” I can totally relate to this.
- They way Luca describes the fight with Liam was really cool. I liked the narration. It made everything more real, even though it was only a flashback.
Great chapter! I loved the introduction of Jenny, and also how you always couple her first and last name together. There are just some characters that need to have their last name with them always, and I guess Jenny Wren is one of them. Thank you for the amazing story!
| this wild abyss chapter 2 . 6/24/2010
I am here to say two things: guacamole and ginger snaps. That is all.
- This first sentence is really good. I draws the reader in a gives her a bit of information about the narrator’s sense of humor.
-“… we started turning into each other.” That line, along with most of the preceding paragraph, is really amazing. I love it.
- The interaction between Katie and Luca was very nicely done. I smiled at the bit about Sandy.
- “…overdosing on loneliness…” That’s a good line.
- Luca’s mother is a very interesting character. I like how he still loves her even though she’s a total nutcase. Sometimes you really can’t help that sort of thing.
- Great last sentence!
So, this story is amazing, really. Your style of writing is fun and engaging, and I can honestly say that I’ve never seen anything like it. Your stories flow easily, and with each word Luca’s narration gets stronger. I’m really glad I found this.
| this wild abyss chapter 1 . 6/24/2010
- Opening: The first sentence was really amazing. It makes the reader wonder what the narrator got caught at, and how that is going to affect the story. I do have one thing to critique, though. That opening sentence is in past tense, and then you switch to present in the next paragraph. Normally, it isn’t a good idea to do that.
- Ending: The last few paragraphs really threw me for a loop, but in a good way. I hadn’t checked on the genre markings before this, so the whole “singing away the spots” struck me as odd. But now that I know it’s a supernatural story, I’m okay with it, and though the end was really cute and nicely done.
- Dialogue: The dialogue was good as well. I really liked how during conversations, Luca would have an internal dialogue of his own. It brought realism to the chapter.
- Characters: Your characters certainly are unusual. They aren’t like anything I’ve ever read before, and I’m sure that that’s a good thing. Luca is, as he said himself, an oddball, and I found his character extremely believable.
- Enjoyment: I did enjoy this piece. It isn’t something I would choose to read on my own, by now that I’ve read it, I’m anxious to continue and see what else happens. That makes you a very special writer. (:
- Pace: For me, the pace was a little too quick. You went from Luca being depressed after his conversation with the counselor to trying to comfort Sandy. I don’t know, I just felt that you rushed through things really quickly and didn’t spend enough time on backstory and details.
- On the whole, this chapter was really amazing, and I’m glad I read it. There were no grammatical mistakes that I caught, and your style of punctuation really added to the experience. I thank you again for the amazing read. I definitely plan on returning to this story in the future.
| Tawny Owl chapter 2 . 6/7/2010
Beautiful opening – loved the dry humour of the flowers looking like curtains and then the comment about visiting just in case. That was well timed and made my heart lurch again. Seriously, I’m ok now, but if I keep reading will I need to keep tissues handy?
Like Luca the relationship between Luca and Mikey is much more complicated than you’d think at first. And the turning into each other is an interesting observation.
The spots of rain spitting was nice description. I think that’s the sort of external detail I was after in the first chapter. Although again with the living room it felt like there was stuff missing. That many kids would have left their mark – does Luca have to move stuff off the sofa before he sits down, or is Kimberly really efficient and tidy?
I do love Katie though, she stole the show for me. One smart eleven year old, and because she’s eleven she can say what she’s thinking. The story behind the cheeky grin, and the comment about the long fingers really rounded her out physically too. Lovely.
Maybe ‘I’m back late for tea though’ – I am seems to formal seeing as he’s saying it in his head.
Well, I'm a good kid too.
And it’s interesting that he calls Ian, Ian in his head and Dad out loud.
I like the way you focus on details to describe characters too. Like the big hands on Liam’s dad. Then the way you use the traditional hair/eyes approach for Liam and expand it to demonstrate that he appears like a good kid. Which you immediately flip on its head and then round off with ‘I’m a good kid too’. That was brilliant.
I enjoyed the bit with his mum too – even though it was sad. I felt sorry for her at the same time as thinking she was completely nutty. You made her seem really sick rather than the crazy over the top sick you get, or the ‘I’m a brave soldier’ kind of sick that turns up quite a lot. That must have been hard to do.
And the fact that she thought Luca was a girl was interesting. I’m wondering if it means anything more than the fact that she just really wanted a girl. But then if she makes up all those stories it wouldn’t be that hard to make up a whole other person. The fact that he didn’t really get an identity until he moved in with his foster parents is interesting too. It also explains why Luca seemed so much more grown up than Sandy.
I was glad to have a clue about how the singing works as well. I am really looking forward to finding out more about how that works.
| Tawny Owl chapter 1 . 6/7/2010
This was a nice surprise. I saw you’re a/n about angsty romance, knew it was supernatural and guessed it was set in a school. I thought I knew what to expect – you sure showed me!
First off there were so many lines in this that made my heart lurch. The one you finished on, which was built up to really well, the one about hiding from everyone, the ‘I hate myself sometimes’.
Coupled with this was the way you were almost cutting with the social observations from the start with Morgan (‘call me Morgan’ was a good touch of showing not telling) and the fact that it is so obvious to Luca that she doesn’t care: or cares because she is paid to, and that the system doesn’t work. I liked the atmosphere you built up in the opening through the almost apathy of Luca. I think both characters were introduced really well, and I got really drawn in. There wasn’t a lot of information about the setting though. I’m guessing office – and it was Morgan’s office you could have used its appearance to reflect her character.
I feel like I sort of know Luca, but not really. Given what I’ve just read though it feels kind of impossible for anyone to know Luca in only about 2500. There seems to be a lot going on there. There’s much more to get my teeth into then you normally find in angsty supernatural romance. I like him, but I think that’s because he’s always going to be surprising. I like that he feels cynical, but there’s still some hope lurking, or a desire for company, as he tries to help Sandy even though he’s disappointed. He has a strong voice too. One thing I would flag up though is that his name is quite similar to Liam’s, which might get confusing – you’re quite a way on with this though, so if no one else has mentioned it ignore me.
‘Sandy cries in maths’ is a good strong start to the next part of the chapter. But again, given that it’s a classroom full of other people it felt like there should be more going on in the background, like whether other people were talking, if they were whispering, whether the lessons atmosphere was informal or oppressive. You mention the rumours starting – are there people watching them?
There are really good details in this though, like the feel of Morgan’s hand on his, and his eyes flashing back at him from the compact.
Enjoyed the dialogue too, and like how Luca sounds more grown up than Sandy too. She speaks more like a school kid, but he seems more mature, which fits with the whole secret singing powers. And their introduction was well timed so it was as much a surprise to us as it was to Sandy. The way her happiness is infectious was nice too, and that he was pleased with himself – because he made her happy was the implication, anyway.
One last thing – I like the mystery you have about what happened to Mikey and Liam hovering in the background, urm, just don’t keep it too mysterious so that it gets confusing. (I’m guilty of that so it makes me paranoid.)
This was a good read. Thanks v. much.
| Daggerhart chapter 29 . 5/20/2010
Hmm, I really don't know what to say; I'm surprised. Some of this still came as a shock to me despite me just picking this story up at the end. I guess it just shows how quickly I had connected with your characters. To be honest, I skimmed a bit of Swallow's explanation, because I don't want to be spoiled, but it sounds like a serious plot twist.
In my opinion, the story ended on what seems like a bittersweet note. I mean, Luca's still being tried for his crime, right? Also, he seems a little insane because of what Swallow revealed to Katie. I'll review the other chapters and submit an anonymous review for this chapter once Ive read everything.
| Dahlia Wolffe chapter 3 . 5/20/2010
I supposed I missed something in the previous chapters, but I like the discussion about Liam, and it also presents the idea that Luca is finally opening up a little, which is a good thing. I love this phraseI want to slip cyanide into her coffee and watch as her organs fail. We've all felt that way, again both comical and dark. Shades of Chuck Palahniuk, one of my favorite authors. :)
I apologize for thinking Luca was a girl. Sounds like a girl name, and because it was in first person it never was said outright.
Jenny Wren is strange too, but I like her. She seems honest and decent, while still being...strange. :) While i don't condone such brutal violence, I like that Luca avenged his friend and that jenny has a tale of her own. Great dialogue in this chapter too, and I will have to stop by and read more! :)
| Daggerhart chapter 28 . 5/20/2010
'I stare at her, stare at Mikey, stare at my sanity, smacking me in the face like a brick.'
Good line but I think we left something out.
'I stare at her, stare at Mikey, and stare at my sanity smacking me in the face like a brick.'
This is a good chapter, like the last one. Seeing as how I haven't read your story from the beginning, I don't know what the hell is going on, but the writing is well and the chapter started and ended on a high note.
I think you could've described a bit more how Luca felt when Swallow cried. I don't know much about them, but it sounds to me like Luca dislikes him. Why didn't he say/feel anything more than a little pleasure?