Reviews for Breathing Underwater
Sour Plums chapter 22 . 2/17/2009
You know, I don’t disagree with Maddie, she has every right to do that. I don’t even know why she was still with Devon if she knew he was gay. But she definitely has a right to move on, and I’m glad to see her happy. But I also feel sorry for Devon for all the people he had leaving him. At least he has Delilah, and hopefully his mom soon though.
Sour Plums chapter 21 . 2/17/2009
Sometimes I can’t believe the things that his father says to him.

I very much liked the advertisement bit. Even though it was cliché, I thought it was very inspiring, because sometimes, things like that just happen. The universe really speaks to you like that.

Nothing that I want to happen is happening, and this story is almost over! But it’s very good, I’m liking it a lot, because what would’ve taken some people only a few chapters to write, you stretched it out into 21, and it’s very good. You had very good emotional description and you aren’t redundant and that takes a lot of talent to do!
Sour Plums chapter 18 . 2/17/2009
Oh my god, I can’t even imagine how Aidan must be feeling right now. Seeing his boyfriend having sex with a girl that he proclaimed not to love? Aidan probably sees it all wrong.

I hope Maddie isn’t pregnant, that would be really bad for the story :/
Sour Plums chapter 16 . 2/17/2009
You know, when he first started telling the story of Kadence, then of his older brother, I thought “I bet they’re the same person,” but I didn’t think you would write that kind of story, but I was right! This is good!
Sour Plums chapter 15 . 2/17/2009
Well, that was a pretty creepy dream!

I feel so so so sorry for Devon, he has nobody. I would beg for someone to lean on, but he has nobody, not even his mom there to keep him company, everyone is gone and I don’t
Sour Plums chapter 14 . 2/17/2009
OH MY GOD! I knew that was going to happen! I knew it, I knew it! Gah! That’s all I have to say.
Sour Plums chapter 13 . 2/17/2009
The first two paragraphs were really well done, I like how you start off with an idea, go back and explain how it got to that idea.

I liked Devon’s and his mom’s conversation, but I thought it was just kind of pushed, and kind of poorly timed. Somewhere else, it would’ve been PERFECT, but in that particular spot, I don’t think it shined as much as it could’ve.

I thought the beginning of the Aidan/Devon scene [Before they went upstairs] was really cute! And the very last half of that scene seemed like it was giving a lot of closure to this particular problem.

Poor Maddie, she had no idea that she was really trying to get two lovers back together, not two friends, and one of the friends is her boyfriend! Poor thing, so oblivious and so used…
Sour Plums chapter 12 . 2/17/2009
"Damn if I know. What do you want me to say, Devon? That we're like, all hunky-dory? Cause we're not, you know. I don't know. Hang out with Maddie. I'm going home. I don't want to see you anymore. It hurts too much," I really liked this whole part, it seemed like a real conversation, and Aidan’s heartbreak is clear. It’s so sad that there they are fighting about Devon spending too much time with Maddie, and the chance he has to make up with him, he has to blow him off to hang out with her!

I hope that Aidan isn’t serious about not seeing Devon again.

Aidan doesn’t seem as he used to, he used to be very cool and mysterious and superior to everyone, like nothing can bother him, and now we see that he actually has a heart, he’s more human now.
Sour Plums chapter 10 . 2/17/2009
God, this is such a sweet chapter! I love the ending. And I love the part about having to “be normal” and such. It seems like Aidan is just as conflicted by having to be normal as Devon is, but he’s just more used to it. The idea of “normal” perplexes and annoys Aidan, but he knows it has to happen.
Sour Plums chapter 8 . 2/17/2009
REVIEW: m, this is wonderful :) That’s all I gotta say. I feel that this is sort of a floating period, but I can see where some conflict might come up. Jeremy for example, and Aidan’s parents, and Delilah, all could pose a problem for Aidan and Devon.
Sour Plums chapter 6 . 2/17/2009
Review: I really liked Aidan’s little speech about what he wanted. It was beautiful. And I like the fact that they almost kissed! This was a very emotional chapter, it’s progressing very well!
Sour Plums chapter 5 . 2/17/2009
Hilarious, and poignant!

I thought it was so funny that that ego boost made Devon think those crazy thoughts, like he could actually get into Kendra’s pants. I remember thinking those same things when my brother had a hot friend over that liked me, I remember thinking that I could do anything and WOULD do anything to catch his eye again and again through out the night, keep his attention on me. It was so funny and dorky that Devon thought the same thing.

I loved the ending. And I love the inner conflict of Devon. He likes the attention that Kendra is giving him because it’s the first female attention he’s gotten, but the attention he gets from Aidan is more exciting, it actually makes him feel more than just the liking of attention. This is a very nice “Coming into your sexuality” story, and not just in a way that he’s finding he’s coming into HOMOsexuality (since I’m pretty sure that’s where it’s going) but just a boy finding his sexuality as a whole. Very nice, now I can’t wait to see what happens next. Luckily for me, I have the whole story here at my disposal!

One more thing, I’m almost very sure that the guy Delilah was talking to was Aidan, and I kind of don’t like Aidan for that, playing both twins like that…
Sour Plums chapter 3 . 2/17/2009
I feel really sorry for Devon, he feels like such a screw up all the time. I really like that Aidan is doing this for him, and I know he’s doing it because he likes him, but I like that he can see past Devon’s dingy appearance and help him realize his potential. But one outfit isn’t going to cut it!

I kind of can’t wait for his mom and sister’s reaction!
Sour Plums chapter 2 . 2/17/2009
Oh my, you do a good job at making Devon sound ugly. The oversized white shirt did the job, I can’t stand shirts like that.

But it was kind of mean what Aidan said to him about his hair and clothes, I would be really embarrassed!

“"You know, I think I kinda like you." I said and Aidan shrugged and we kept walking, to the high school.” This line was pretty intriguing. Like Devon was kind of saying he liked him in a different way and Aidan didn’t care. And its obvious that Aidan is gay with the way he was talking about the girls like that
Sour Plums chapter 1 . 2/17/2009
I really like Devon’s dialogue, its very casual, whiny, and sarcastic, like a kid his age is supposed to sound. I normally stay away from dialogue like that because it’s a big warning that the writing is terrible, but I think you do a good job. Its purposely like that. I guess it kind of helps that I’ve read one of your stories already

This thing between Aidan and Devon sounds interesting, and I like the way you ended the chapter. I have a feeling its going to be “I’m finding out I’m gay,” kind of stories, but it sounds nice.

This paragraph: “"Hey." called a voice next to me and I wearily looked over to see the most striking individual I'd ever seen. They were tall and lithe, with dark hair and even smokey eye makeup. They had good fashion sense, with snug fitting jeans and a black teeshirt and one of the best pouts plastered I'd ever seen plastered on their face.” Was a bit confusing. I think you got your plurals a bit mixed up. Were there other people standing there with Aidan? If so, it should be “IndividualS” or better yet “people” and “a black teeshirt” should be “and black teeshirts,” It was kind of a messed up paragraph
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