|Reviews for I'm a Girl not a Boy!|
| MK16 chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
nice work .
| Green Eyed Angel chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
Wow! I LOVE this story! Very awesome. :D
| Jevanminx chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
Hahahahaha brilliant, I just love that Casey came onto her, hehehehe so funny.
| Sally Can Wait chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
First of all, I would reccomend not having your title in all capital letters. Our alphabet makes it so that we scan over letters by looking at the outline of shapes, allowing us to read much faster. Capitals make a block of lines. Not so pleasing to the eye.
2) In your summary, NEVER say your "summary sucks just read". That makes people think, "well, she can't even write two sentences, how is she going to write a whole story?" Take the time and effort to make a good summary, it will pay off.
3)When writing numbers lower than 100, you must type them out. Such as "2" must be "two," and "15" must be "fifteen."
4)A camp would NEVER have guys and girls sleep in the same cabin. Even if it was a poorly run camp - then they would be especially concerned about lawsuits dealing with guys and girls. Do your best to keep all elements of your story factual, to compensate for the fiction.
5)If everyone thinks she is a guy, you can't just have her wearing guy clothes. She needs to also have short hair or a wide jawline or protruding brow, even if it makes her not pretty. That is the only way people would seriously think that she is a boy.
6) Watch your grammar. I know it pales in comparison to the importance of the actual substance of the story, but it really does make a lot of difference to how it flows, and whether or not it makes the reader want to read it.
Ex: "Yeah my favorite color is green and brown" should be "Yeah, my favorite colors are green and brown."
7) DJ's reasons for knowing she was a boy should be a bit more subtle, not something you pointed out obviously before. The pink underwear thing makes a lot more sense, but then he probably wouldn't have happened to have listed the three things which she happened to have mentioned.
8) Remember to be realistic, please. Unless they were about eight, they would not proclaim their love for each other upon being acquainted for ten minutes. In which case they would not do so much kissing. ...And most people would not make out passionatley after knowing each other for such a short amount of time.
You could go a lot of places with everyone thinking she is a boy, but you have to make it realistic, not some kind of fantasy.
Please don't take this harshly, I only want to help (which I hope I did). You have potential, you just need to work out a few technicalities. Keep it up. :)
| Cheeese chapter 1 . 6/19/2008
this is really entertaining), but very unrealalistic, who kisses people the first day u meet them,, hmm? i think u shgould ocontinue tho, it made me laugh:)