Reviews for The Story of Olivier Part I
Anthony G. Cirilla chapter 1 . 10/22/2008
Wow. That was quite good. At first I was a little dreadful of an overly melodramatic story, but you are pulling it off quite nicely. Olivier is an extremely interesting character. As soon as I find the time, I will definitely read on. Very good.
faerie-gumdrops chapter 6 . 10/19/2008
This chapter was really cool! Little Alteng! Bless him. I got so excited when he knocked at the door. And then the meal...hmm...grim. But in a good way :)

'I’m your nephew, Altenglisch Hans Cuxhaven.' yay! I actually love him.

'The mention of that hated name was like a kick in the groin' ouch. I love how Olivier reacted to the mentioning of Cuxhaven and how Alteng basically lost his hand over a name. I guess it just strengthens the idea of how much Olivier hated his dad and how he's not quite right in the head. Still, we love him anyway. He is a very sweet kinslayer.

'He no longer had his left hand, and the wrist was wet with his blood.' Poor Alteng. Actually, it's kind of weird to imagine him with both of his hands. I was totally picturing him with a hook already, but that's just me being stupid and illogical :)

'He would live even if I had to die for him to live.' Aww. See! Very sweet. And I love how Olivier's like fussing over Alteng like a mother or something and how he wants to teach Alteng how to fish etc. It must be nice for Olivier to finally find someone who is real, not an item of clothing, and not attacking him.

'I even found some meat that I had missed for the day’s cooking. I had little to eat, but it would be nice to share it with someone' Yum. Is that the hand? That's why I said grim earlier. Although, in a weird way, I found this part kind of funny. I guess I have a twisted sense of humour.

'“It’s mine!” he answered in a sharp voice.' Aww little Alteng is cute.

'“I don’t know, but I don’t think it matters any more. We can’t reattach it.”' IT'S INSIDE YOU! Heh.

'I had the most wonderful dreams that night, and I had no fear or regret about waking again.' Aww bless. I'm glad that Olivier's all happy; he's had such an awful life so far, he deserves a bit of happiness (although, of course, we know how it actually turns out from Bane!)

This chapter is definitely one of my favourites in this story so far. Good job!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 5 . 9/26/2008
Interesting chapter - it seems that Olivier is well on his way to loony land (of course, he was already halfway through the front door...)

'My fists tightened and a sudden frantic laughter escaped from me.' ooh, love a bit of frantic laughter. Also, I liked all of Olivier's mixed up feelings about his father's death; it was very sad in the beginning where he was trying to see whether his father was actually dead.

'With a nod, I took up one of the knives and aimed the point at my throat. This would be for the better. It would have been for the better if I had never been born' Oh Livie, you poor, sad little thing.

'Now, I had his tailored made clothes. They were loose on me like all the other clothes, but they were wearable' Well that's one way to get a new outfit! Admittedly, an illegal and long-winded way, but I won't criticise Livie's small victories :)

'I do remember that we should only kill that which we intend to eat. Father served me well in this way' Yummy. So here's where he becomes a cannibal. Eek. It's really fun seeing the beginning of Olivier's mad ways as we know him so well from Bane.

'Coat was comforting as always. He never encouraged the violence, but he always had his hands on my shoulders. I think he was the dearest friend I ever had.' I love Coat. You really do describe him well from Olivier's point of view - he does sound like a really good friend bizarrely!

'Little did I know that other things had been set in motion, and my life would take a change. For better or worse, I could not say. Maybe, it was simply a way out.' OOh, thickening plot. Thicken, thicken!
faerie-gumdrops chapter 4 . 9/3/2008
Naughty Livvy! Well his father did kind of bring it on himself, i guess. I like how Olivier was kind of unsure about killing him during this chapter, and how he really just wanted to prove himself to his father and show him that he wasn't useless. It's weird, I guess, how he hates his father, but he still wants his acceptance. After being told that he's useless his whole life, i guess that's a really accurate way to be. Olivier has grown up thinking that his father's acceptance is something he would never have and that it was reserved for just Michael, but now that he knows that he can actually fend for himself, he's probablly right to wrongly assume that his father might change his views. I suppose that would be the logical way for things to go - like Olivier thinks dad hates him mainly because he's useless, not because his dad is messed up too!

I like how you managed to describe all of the fighting etc while still avoiding the seeing things issue. It was well done, with the smell of blood etc. And I also liked the way that Olivier's dad's final death is fairly underplayed (it's only about a line long, after all)! It kind of makes things seem more distant, which I guess, in a way, makes Olivier seem more nutty, and makes it appear to be one of those things that just had to happen in the end. It was good :)

And his dad was mean. 'I still think that the gods stole away my real son and gave me this bloody cripple of a changeling in his stead' poor Livvy.
faerie-gumdrops chapter 3 . 9/3/2008
Ah so Olivier has revenge on the brain! Exciting! I wonder how everything will come together. I really liked this line:

'I needed the encouragement that his touch provided. I needed a friend by my side that I knew was there without hearing the voices'

It's kind of cute in its own little crazy way. Coat sounds like a nice reliable...garment. A better friend than those voices of his. Bless Olivier and his mad little murderous ways.

So he definitely had it rough with the hunger in the winter. Sounds like a pretty horrible time! Still, I'm glad that he learnt to fend for himself more effectively by hunting etc, because food is always good, and it proves his nasty dad wrong, so it's all good. Olivier may be a bit nuts, but he's definitely not useless - he does all this stuff blind, after all. That boy needs a bit of self-worth hammered into him. Love yourself and others will love you - all that kind of happy clappy crap. Ooh Olivier at a self-help class lol, that's a weird image, a little blind kobold turning up to some town hall in Cambridge lol.

Anyway, I digress. I like the way that he used to find his clothes repaired by some magical angel who could have been his mother - I guess it gives her more depth as a character, and Olivier's total amazement is very sweet. That and his horror at the destruction of the needle and thread :)

Great chapter! Next!
Shadowhound chapter 2 . 8/28/2008
One real question then I'll shut up. Is Olivier blind or not? I'm a little confused about that, is all. In the original Banes he was, as well as being a ghost so this story will probably end with his death, but he can still somewhat describe what people are doing around him. Given the narrative style, it makes things a little confusing.

Other than that, not much else to say. Good job.

Shadowhound
Shadowhound chapter 1 . 8/28/2008
Interesting thing I learned about incest recently, brought up by Olivier's parents being twins and all, is that it isn't as big of a deal as people make it up to be. Aside from being a general taboo in almost every culture, when it happens occasionally it isn't as big of a deal as people make it out to be (genetically speaking). Unless a family has a history of inbreeding there aren't likely to be major side effects. An example of this is in George R.R. Martin's a Song of Ice and Fire series where Queen Cersei sleeps with her twin brother, Jaime, and have several children unbeknown to the king, her husband. While her first born son is an arrogant little ass, there isn't much genetically wrong with him. On another note, the previous king's family regularly wed brother to sister in an effort to keep the line "strong." One of that line said, "the gods flip a coin whenever a Targaeron was born to decide whether or not the child would be great or mad." Great series, by the way. I hate Martin with a fiery passion but I love his books. It actually got to the point that when he killed off one of my favorite characters I threw down the book and wanted to kill him before picking it up again to keep on reading. Anyway, make sure it's clear that the Cuxhaven's like to keep their line pure.

"All my existence I was told that I was useless,"

I don't think 'existence' is right for that. 'Life' is better, though I'm trying to find a good reason for it. Existence could be interpreted as that Olivier had no real life at all, that he was merely trudging through his days with no importance being on him. In which case, why write a story about him? Also, if you're going to say that you need to back it up with his parent's attitude. I know, I know, first chapter, three more to go plus all the ones you haven't even posted. Still.

You never really say that Olivier is blind. You allude to it greatly, never speaking of colors, always focusing on smell and hearing, but it is a pretty important point that needs to be known early to the reader before they say, "WTF, he's blind?"

Sorry, brief Helen Keller joke. What did Helen Keller's parents do when they were angry at her? Move the furniture around.

Interesting end to the chapter. Six isn't a good time to announce a heir. Most kids don't survive to ten in those conditions. Usually safer to let them at least be teenagers before taking out the trash.

Good chapter, by the way.

Shadowhound
BlatantLiar chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Wow, that's good! I'm having trouble finding out what's wrong with Olivier though, that he would be treated like this. Since I only read the first chapter of your other story, I'm not sure of the name of the Kobold, but that one was punished because he had black hair. When I read this line: 'He talked about so many strange things like colors and light and red and blue.' I thought he was blind. But then lines like this: 'Her fingers clenched into fists, but I stayed my ground.' Suggested to me that he could. So, I have no clue about his abuse. It's really touching, how he feels for his younger brother like that, feeling his joy and pain. Sweet. I also find the impression that the mother is sympathetic toward her eldest as well, and it's the father leading her through this shunning of her child, interesting. All and all, I'm left wondering about several things, but it's very good. (Your characters do seem to be tossed out of the house a lot, don't they? )
Heartless One chapter 1 . 7/11/2008
Still good. I have learned that you can tell alot about what a story will be like from the first few lines. The first few lines here were indeed a bit depressing, but I still like. Think I prefer Bane though.

I will continue to see where this goes.
faerie-gumdrops chapter 2 . 7/5/2008
Hiya! Oh I do enjoy learning about Olivier and his little twisted ways.

'What if one of the horrible monsters with long, sharp teeth came for me?' hehe we know all about those! Oh Lucy-love.

'I could hear his screams for the mercy that I would not give him. I could feel his bones break in my hands like the rats that I killed to eat. His warm blood would turn cold as it bathed my hands.' I love Olivier's violent side, and although he mostly seems quite sweet, and more of a victim than anything else, I think this sits well with him. I mean, he is naturally a bit odd, and his hatred for his father is pretty justified. And with all these 'friends' of him urging him on, who can blame the little nutty fellow?

'Yet, later in my life there were things that I did that said I harbored some hatred for my brother.' Hehe. Yeah.

'I could not understand this rule for those of the black hair. I knew what hair was, but I had no idea what this black was' I love Olivier's ignorance. As always, you do it very well :)

'It also had bitten me several times when I came too close to it' I love this idea of fire 'biting' him. It's so good.

'I found a heavy coat and threw it around my shoulders. It was like someone holding me. I laughed. This would be my new best friend.' Aww. Quite cute really. Although sad that his best friend is a coat. Poor livy.

This chapter was really cool - I loved the way that you used it to point out all of the differences between humans and kobolds and talked about the customs. I know I've said this before (probably many times because it've very true!) but your kobolds are such a brilliantly complex fantasy race in these stories. I love how they have their own culture and beliefs etc. All too many stories (mine included :S) tend to lump fantasy guys into categories where they behave like humans,but just look different. This is much cooler than that.

Also, I loved the fire scene - very exciting and well done! Poor Olivier - it's sad that he never really seems to be safe and happy anywhere was very long.
faerie-gumdrops chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
I actually reviewed this yesterday, but fictionpress decided to eat what I wrote. Silly thing. I just hope I remember everything okay! And sorry if you did actually get this yesterday and if me and my computer are just being majorly stupid.

It's really exciting to see Olivier get his own story (especially if it means that a mini Alteng will pop up somewhere along the way)! I do love Olivier a lot, so it's really cool to see his take on his life in the first person and everything.

I think that the characterisation here is brilliant, especially Olivier's relationship with Michael. Like how he loves his brother so much, and feels guilty for wishing that he could be the same as him because he is so convinced that he is actually inferior. Poor little Olivier. He is a cute kid here. Also, I like the way that you described the way that his parents treat him from his point of view - for example, his mother's kindest moment and the way that it's not actually that great really puts everything into perspective. It's totally believable because he doesn't know any different.

Also, the being blind thing was done very cleverly too, such as the part where he talks about how all the letters feel the same to him and the way that he can't understand why people don't know where he is if he is hiding behind something. Very cool and well thought out!

I'm really looking forward to seeing where this goes and how Olivier's later crimes will all come together. And sorry I'm so behind with everything!
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