|Reviews for Speak the truth|
| YasuRan chapter 1 . 10/16/2009
There was something about your choice of words that make me think of Bob Dylan for a bit. 'Bright cotton candy hair'? I like the sound of that :)
| MantraMagazine chapter 1 . 8/16/2009
That was really good, I thought "bright cotton candy hair" was a really good turn of phrase. Everything flowed nicely and you held onto your AABB pattern without it being forced. Overall I liked reading this and will read it again when I'm in the mood for poetry. Thanks for posting!
| PocketofChange chapter 1 . 11/29/2008
wow. this is great, really. i love the line, "you said it's what i haven't seen, that holds what we might've been." i really, really like it. i am such a baby. my eyes are starting to water. no laughing, it was just really touching.
| CigaretteBurn chapter 1 . 7/9/2008
It really sounds like it could be a song. Great job!
| B. J. Winters chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
As song for a change of pace. I liked the italics, and I liked that you added the extra "i know" in the last stanza that suggests a melodic repeat.
I wasn't originally convinced about the number of words in a few of the lines. I might need to hear it to music to think it's not too wordy, but you did have a similar rhythm which suggests to me you've tested it. Let me be specific: From a meter stand point, I expected "so don't tell me it's goodby cause they taught you not to lie". You used the i know/you know consistently in the phrasing, I just wasn't sure that it fit from a flow perspective. When I hum it I feel like I'm squeezing in an extra two syllables in the second line. Take that for what it's worth - again, it's probably fine, just caught my eye.
The theme works well - a denial about a breakup. You're consistent and it's catchy.
This line felt a bit cliche, and I wasn't sure what the "it" was. /don't you tell me that you're strong,
'cause i knew it all along /
That they were strong? Or that they would leave/stay. It rhymes, and works, I've just heard it a bit too much for it to grip me.
Good use of punctuation/caps. Nice simple words that are memorable. (you don't typically see long words in songs) so very consistent for the media.
Enjoyed it as usual.
| Dolvich chapter 1 . 6/23/2008
I like it. The italics were a nice touch.
The only thing I would say is you alternate between using some punctuation, and none at all. It's kind of distracting. I would either use it all throughout, or throw it out. Either way, very fine work.
| Chidori Nadare chapter 1 . 6/21/2008
It's very romantic and unclear at the same time. I like the italics of chorus because it made the song like a duet which is appropriate for its romantic feel. I love the image of 'bright cotton candy hair'. It's very cute. Good job on this
| Daemone Angelus chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
I like it! I didn't care for it at first because they taught you not to lie is unclear, and the words in parantheses seemed a chorus, so I thought it was used space on first glance, but after fully reading it, it is a masterpiece! Good job. my I suggest though, before publishing it (yes, that's a recommendation) a removal of the parantheses, but keeping everything else the way it is? Oh, and removing all punctuation, because it would probably benefit from the loss of stop.