Reviews for Strangers
playing in gasoline chapter 1 . 12/5/2009
I like the way that you convey this.

Very beautiful and very interesting.
Aerwiya chapter 1 . 3/14/2009
Fantastic! I really like how you wrote this. You made each line really count. The last line is kind of sad... but it makes you think. Great job!
Cake Love chapter 1 . 12/3/2008
I'm kind of a fan of haiku series. :-P My main issue is that there are several lines that don't really make sense, like "Dancing in the rain" (3)-who is dancing? The structure implies grammatically that it's the tune that dances in the rain. In the second stanza, "Coming from behind" modifies nothing; it can't come before "unawares" (by the way the way you use that word implies that the boy is unaware) because then it would modify "unawares," which makes little sense. The third stanza mentions "her" but then talks about plural gazes and hearts, but then goes back to a single hand extended, which is a bit confusing. Also, why is the beat "unknown" in the fourth stanza?

Don't get me wrong, I actually really like this (especially the end!). I just feel like it needs a bit of grammatical restructuring. The haiku is a very hard form to write narratives in-maybe try writing this as just a plain 'ol free verse poem and see if you like it better?
theory of black chapter 1 . 6/24/2008
I love this, you really captured the true essence of dancing... right at the point when everyone involved is completely in sync, physically, emotionally, mentally... everything.

This is perfect. )
Lone Lily in the Garden chapter 1 . 6/20/2008
I absolutely LOVE this, they could all be separate but they work together so beautifully! Great writing! _