Reviews for An Unexpected Love
tiggerandpooh chapter 5 . 3/26/2013
Ooooh, I'm beginning to like this so much! :) But, is Bently in any way based on a officer named Banastre Tarleton? Because if so, I hope you don't think Tarleton was that horrible. Tarleton wasn't that bad. Anyways, love your story!
Guest chapter 4 . 3/8/2013
when the hell is this story going to get good?... really...u ramble as much as u do in your chapters as u do in your comments
nostalgiagoat chapter 11 . 3/16/2012
but christmas in 1776 wasn't just any christmas, it was the night when G. Washington crossed the delaware and captured all of the hessians across the Jersey river in Trenton... sorry I jst had to add that in.

anyways, you picked a good place for this story to be set in for it to be that peacful during the war. it's a good story and I am enjoying reading it :3

Nostalgia
nostalgiagoat chapter 5 . 3/12/2012
alright it seems like you haven't had a good critique in a while and now that I'm reading this story I can't help but write down my thoughts xD

anyways the first order of buisness are the first few chapters. they seem to be very motionless and tedious. if you ever rewrite this story I'd recommend adding a bit more action and drama to them. in the very beginning it's very repetitive with all the descriptions and stuff, that sort of stuff doesn't need to be unloaded in the first chapter. instead the first chapter is meant to grip the reader and make them want to read the book. description can be added as she slowly intereacts with each person seperately, some things don't even have to be told but hinted at.

next your characters are sort of stereotypical, always trying to the right thing all the time. I did like how you made her father think hard before he let the soldier in and for good reasons. really you just need to give your characters more oomf. I thought that Cecilia would have been very upset and scared to find a redcoat, since they were the ones who murdered her uncle, and the ones who are threatening her brother's lives. in fact the whole family seemed to be a little upset then they were just ok with it. speaking of character developement you should work on the whole family's different personalities, I get the two sisters confused... and the brothers at that ;.

finally I would like to address the historical inacuracies. the war didn't really start until April 19th 1775 when the first shot was fired. even then I think the continental congress was still discussing ways for peace with Britian (I'd have to check though). the fighting in the south didn't pick up until 1778 when the British made a southern campaign, and most of the fighting in the south weren't proper battles, but just the Swamp Fox picking off British supply lines. also there was fighting in America before the Revolution, but it mainly consisted of fighting Indians, though there were many wars that Britian had with France from 1700-1760. also the militia is not a fancy word for military. this confused me for a while as well, but the militia is made up of volunteers while the military are trained proffesionals. I'm just mentioning that because Chris seemed to speak as if the militia and military were one and the same. another thing is the reasons why her family opposes the war. you have to realize that people back then were much more patriotic then people are today, they were usually either strongly for the war or strongly against it. whenever some one was neutral it was usually because they just didn't care, or they had immigrated there and they didn't feel like it was their problem. people in the south were actually sort of neutral, because when the British did come they took over quite a few towns without very much conflict. plus the context could be worded better to sound a tad more historical. oh and if you didn't know, do not use the word 'Ok' that slang word wasn't 'made' until the 1840 elections (I think) when they would use it sort of as a seal to approve something, but it wasn't used as a verb very much until the late 1880's. so ya, with historical fiction it's good to set a limit for how historically accurate you want to keep it, and study the time period.

so sorry if this seemed harsh, I'm sort of a history buff and I love writing historical fiction so I can't help it. anyways to point out the good things, I love the time period you chose it's one of my favorites to study. I think that Cecilia and Chris are going to make an adorable couple 3 (I'm going to keep reading to find out), and there are a few good paragraphs with some lovely description and I can tell that you will get better if you keep on writing. it's much better then a few of my early stories that were all dialogue and very confusing.

cheers,

nostalgia
thebiutifulworld chapter 16 . 3/5/2012
this is such a wonderful story, and ended at the worst part! two years to update is waaaaaay too long.

okay, im done complaining. it would be amazingly awesome, though, if you could actually finish it!
JaseCD chapter 16 . 2/5/2012
This story is really amazing! I just love how Cecilia and Chris interact with each other. Minus some spelling and grammatical errors, it is well written. I really hope you write another chapter, even if you've given up on this story. I think it would be a waste to quit.
Someday's Dreamer chapter 16 . 5/8/2010
Please, please, please update! I really enjoy this story and time period, and I'm dying to find out what happens next! I like the writing style of this story, and good job on what you have so far! keep it up :)

C.S.
MusicGirl25 chapter 1 . 12/30/2009
Great job! I've always been really into historical fiction, but what I've read is usually about some boy going into the army, not necissarily being affected by it. But I'm about to put up a story somewhat similar to this. It's not on the American Revolution (in fact it takes place in Uganda), but it's also about a thirteen year old girl affected by war. Well I'll stop babbling now, but great job!

MusicGirl25
EmmaWoodhouse88 chapter 15 . 12/22/2009
This can't be good! What do th Redcoats want? I can't wait to fnd out! Please hurry, this is one of my favorite time periods t read about, and you portray it very well.
Fandomite chapter 5 . 12/19/2009
Hello. I have only read the first five chapters of your story, but a few major points have jumped out immediately at me. These revolve chiefly around the setting.

The year given in the first chapter is 1774. The opening shots of the war were not fired until 1775. Further, it is stated that the story is taking place in Virginia. In 1774, that colony would have been fairly removed from any dedicated combat, as the main theatre of war was centred in New England. Concentrated British operations in the Southern colonies did not begin until 1778. There was an attempt to capture Charleston in 1776 but that attack failed.

I'm also somewhat confused by Private Trent. If he was indeed a deserter, he would not have kept his coat, as it instantly marks him out as British. I am also curious how badly he was wounded. Medicine during the 18th century was very primitive. Even a simple wound to the arm or leg could quickly become mortal. Where was he shot, as I am assuming he took a ball while running away from his company/regiment?

Lastly, I was confused by this: "...he did not speak with a very strong English accent. Apparent, yes, but not overall strong; a person might have thought he was a colonist with a knack for impersonating the British."

British English has many dialects, the same as American English. Private Trent would not necessarily have a 'strong' English accent depending on where he was born and raised. If, in fact, he was born in England at all. There were many colonists who took the King's shilling and served as redcoats.

I do not mean this as harsh criticism, and I beg that it should not be taken that way. It is my hope that it may help, in fact. *bows*
AtlantisGirl12 chapter 5 . 9/29/2008
Yay! Updates! :)

I thought this chapter was pretty good overall. The main thing that I didn't like about it is that you seemed to rush it in parts. Overall, pretty good.
LeenElle chapter 4 . 8/26/2008
Well you certainly did cover a lot of ground in one chapter. Running through two years of time in the span of one chapter. It got a little confusing in the middle with all the dates, it might have been easier if you had dated the beginnings of your chapters. Also, I find it hard to believe that the boys would have only written home one time. Most soldiers were desperate to hear, and get news to their families. And, when soldiers were killed, word was sent to their families by the commanding officers I believe...so the family would have found out. But again, you ended the chapter very well, full of suspense which makes me want to continue reading on! I look forward to finding out who the figure behind them is!
AtlantisGirl12 chapter 4 . 8/24/2008
Sigh...cliffhangers! Can't wait for the next chapter!
Jessica chapter 3 . 8/6/2008
hi! Love this story, even though i proof read it! I saw some mistakes my fault.. Sorry readers! Be sure to give me the next couple chapters soon! update!
LeenElle chapter 3 . 8/2/2008
First let me just say that I definitely thought this was better, your language was better and seemed to fit more to me. Just a couple things to think about though. I don't think you needed to show her apologizing to each group of guys. You could have just shown one apology and then described her making a similar comment to each brother/cousin. I think that would have helped the flow of the chapter a little better. The same goes for the series of Goodnight's between the girls. I liked the ending of the chapter especially because it certainly does make you wonder what's coming next. I also liked the little memory of Michael, very cute.
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