Reviews for Stupid Sweet 16
cutevampire911 chapter 1 . 11/6/2008
I hate to say this but, I've only read the first 3 paragraphs and I'm already bored and confused. Please work on not putting stories in a "diary" format as I put it. A diary format is when you jump AFTER the big part and then explain it later. It is also when you decide to talk to the reader as if you are telling you friend about the horrible day you just had. Apperently your story starts out as a girl complaining about not having her sweet 16. I see that. But she complains for about almost the entire chapter. Not to mention, you need to introduce the characters when they come up. Even if its a little short one, you can explain some more later. Please take this as advice for future writing.
Aspiring.person chapter 4 . 10/22/2008
Omg,you HAVE TO update this story! its awesome,i am officially Hooked! i like how i kinda-sorta-not-really-but-still sounds like a cliche but its actually not,you know?anyway,awesome story,and great stuff! hurry up n update soon!also could,you mention the name and the artists of the songs that you've up the good work,n Update Soon! :)

Also,cute profile!hee!
thatswhatsheesaid chapter 4 . 10/19/2008
on i love this story i really hate tyler like really lol
Twist Their Emotions chapter 4 . 10/19/2008
I like how the plot is developing. good job!
Hateful Loving chapter 4 . 10/18/2008
AH IM HOOKED! please please update and not leave it on that cliffie! that was soo good and i cant believe so much happened in one chapter but i LOVED it like that soo please please update!

HaTeFuL LoViNg
D-Mish chapter 4 . 10/18/2008
I half liked this chapter, but it took you so long to update i forgot what this story was about and had to read the last chapter :/

Anyway, not bad... but her feelings are confusing - so is Jayden and Tyler :S
notwithoutyou chapter 4 . 10/18/2008
Tyler's still an ass. But I guess, this might sound like a super different opinion to the rest, but I like Tyler better than Jayden because I mean, he cares but that doesn't mean anything more than a friendship.

I want to know what reason Tyler had to sex up her twin. So gross and I just wanna know, I mean, it's gotta be a really good reason haha.

Anyway, great chapter. I hope you can update more often.
coconutsurf chapter 4 . 10/18/2008
Wow! Talk about an interesting story and plotline! Can't wait for the next chapter!
MusicallyJ chapter 4 . 10/18/2008
why i am glad ur bak with this story

took u a while

but good update
Black-Rose-Upon-Thorn chapter 3 . 9/9/2008
This story line sounds really good. I think some of the sentences you write are too simple (no offense, this is to help you improve), but i seriously think after you write a chapter, go back and re-read it and find the stuff that are obvious to the reader but you have also pointed out. That way your writing will improve and wont sound (forgive me for this) babyish in some cases. Also as a reader personally, id like to get the sense that im figuring things out for myself instead of having everything spelt out for me. Good luck in ur next chapter! Cant wait to see what happens next, and im dying to know the "reason" Tyler cheated on her, the same "reason" that would of had Jayden cheat on her (lol, 'coz im curious and nosy like that :P )

Hope to see u update soon!

Luv x LJ x
thatswhatsheesaid chapter 3 . 9/5/2008
The Latest Plague chapter 3 . 9/5/2008
uhh okay, i really like this a lot. And its really hard to tell who shes going to end up with, but i'm taking my bet with Jayden. Not sure though. I really really really want to know the reason Tyler cheated on her... seriously, could she not see that it must have been really serious? what i don't understand is her being so hurt hearing him say he'd cheat (well, yeah, i could understand if he just said it like that, bare and stuff. He didn't though) AFTER he promised her that he would never unless it was under Tyler's circumstance. I'd understand and try to put it to mind that maybe things weren't as black and white as it seemed. i think that's what really annoyed me, that she cried after he said that. (but maybe it was because she was drunk?) but yeah.. since tyler and Jayden were/are her best friends, i'm adding you to my C2.
yonderwindow chapter 3 . 9/1/2008
update soon!
pyrolyn-776 chapter 3 . 8/28/2008

Jeez. I'm so jealous of that, haha.

What I LOVED about this chapter: The VW rant. How she was like, "Because I'm a bug! Is that what you're saying!" Haha, but I want a VW, lol. Bet you didn't know that! :P

Anyways, I love it so far, and I so want to read the next part!

So update.

pyrolyn-776 chapter 2 . 8/28/2008
How the heck do you write such super long chapters woman! It's bizarre! It was a hassle for me, writing 20 words! It was so incredibly hard! Jeez.

But anyways, my favorite line of this chapter was...

"Hiding from that thing you call a face." I retorted.

Haha, that was really, really great.

Now, there's one thing that I should point out to you that you're doing wrong (not with the story, but grammatically).

Instead of: "Ouch Jay-Jay, you give Marvin a thank you and me an insult, I'm really hurt." He started clutching his heart in between laughs.

It should read: "Ouch Jay-Jay, you give Marvin a thank you and me an insult, I'm really hurt," he started clutching his heart in between laughs.

See the lowercase h, and the comma? That's how it should read. Nothing too bad, most of your grammar was pretty amazing!

Anyways...I'm on to read more of this Jacinda mess, lol.
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