I just feel pity for him. His ex and current girlfriend both seems to be having same traits. And I think Carolina is not his first...could have been better..some places seems very illogical. And his parents seems to be very selfish by sending him in tour...

Awww this story is so sweet! I think the way she came to the realization that she loved him was not very logical. It’s the kind of story that touches your heart and makes you FEEL, which I guess is what stories are ultimately about. But I think the initial part doesn’t properly represent real love.

Love is about what you do as well, not just what you FEEL or SAY. Anyway, halfway through the story, I think you developed their relationship quite well. It really seems like love, at least on Iris’ side. However, if you ever want to re-work this, I think you need to prove Otis’ love for her through his actions. Maybe you meant to do that through him finally speaking at the end, but I think it would have been more impactful if the first time he finally spoke around her was to defend her against some of his friends’ snotty behaviour.

The ending is very good in the sense that you had Iris’ character mature. She finally realizes that she WAS being selfish the whole time, and she comes to realize that she truly wants to BE with Otis even if he remains mute. I didn’t like the ultimate ending though, the end of the epilogue. The girly side of me was squealing when he finally spoke but was sorely disappointed that there wasn’t an ending kiss to the scene. The writer side of me approved of how you ended there to leave the reader to dream up whatever scene they wanted, which, obviously, was the ending kiss in my case. At the same time, the writer side of me feels that it may have been good to end without him speaking at all. It would have been an even more open resolution that would leave readers extremely unsatisfied if not written well.

An alternative would be to have the epilogue as a chapter instead, because it is still a few days since they “broke up”. You could end the chapter with him not speaking but them getting back together, to sort of prove and emphasise the maturation of Iris’ character (as mentioned above). Then you could have an epilogue of say maybe a month later when he finally speaks because she means that much to him. I think that would also help to develop OTIS’ character, because then it wouldn’t be the threat of losing his girlfriend that causes him to speak, but sheer love and inner willpower, so to speak. Do you get what I mean at the last part?

All in all, I LOVED this story, and I’m probably going to check out your other ones. I hope my input helps, whether for a re-write of this story or for your other works. Thanks for the great read!

AW...that's so sweet. I love your story. I stayed up till 2am to read it cause it's just that god!

Ahh that ending was so epic, i loved how you ended it with that one sentence! I was on my watchlist on quizilla earlier and was exited to find that you'd moved over here and actually alerted us, rather than desert like a lot of other authors. I read this story years ago and its just as good as it was then, i cant wait to get started on some of your other stories and this definately deserves a skow award! This is one of those romances you can get completely sucked into, your heart aches when Iris is hurting and some parts of this are so beautiful. I think this is the best book ive ever read thats about your first love and first relationship, ive never read anything that descibes and captures those feelings so well. And Otis is such a beautiful character, mainly because of his lack of speech, he seems like such a gentle soul.

LOVED IT. :D

good story, I was so werid when they began to converse in full sentence, even if it was through writing :)

but, how DID he get his voice back?

Wow. This is absolutely wonderful. Your writing style was excelent, the emotions so real. I literally had a sinking feeling in my chest along with Iris for a good portion of the story, just as how I couldn't seem to stop smiling at the begining of it :). And I love everything about the way you chose to end it- it was perfect. I will definitely be looking forward to reading more of your stories (as this is the first I've read).

If you're in a healthy relationship, you will fight. It's then that you know you truly love the other person. Because after the fight you still love them and want to be near them.

You can't know love without hate.

If two people are in a relationship, but never fight, then I don't think they've ever truly been in love. They also don't know the other very well.

And if they ever do fight, it'll be bad. And they'll never want to talk to one another again.

:)

oh!

it's really cute so far!

i'm coming back to finish it later

WOW! This was amazing! At first i thought it was a little cliche, but i thought i would give it a try and im so happy that i did. i LOVED this story! i almost cried xD and that, to me is the sign of an amazing author someone who can wrench that much emotion out of the reader. Great job!

I've actually read this a while back when it was still on quizilla and i was browsing on fiction press since i was bored and all and then, suddenly i came across this! Again :) I just love the chapters starting from chapter 18 to the end.

And i love it when she says

"I can't do this anymore."

It was so sudden. So dramatic! I loved it :P

And the end was when he spoke.

I'm still wondering if you're ever gonna post that story about the boy and girl and the boy being in some kind of band?

I was kinda addicted to it :)

Anyways, this story always makes me tear up a little in chapter 18 and 19 and i always feel a pang of relief come over be at the end when Otis comes back for her, even though I know whats gonna , i sound corny O

Good job anyways!

whoa. love the story!

and the ending was a bit abrupt but i liked it none the less.

otis is simply adorable, i cant believe she snagged him :)

i thought her artwork would play a much more prominent part int he novel and in their relationship :p but i guess not? ahah, loved it though! thanks for the read :)

Yes! He finaly talked:D I was so sad, when he was crying.

I liked your story very much, thanks!

Your story speaks the truth, i love it!

A great story, I'm glad you've posted it here. Actually it seems as if you posted all the chapters at once, hmm. Anyway, an awesome read, Iris's reasoning totally makes sense, it's easy to follow her train of thought and to identify with her. I didn't get that feeling of her actions being, well, stupid and rash, but that the break up was what she needed to do in order to eventually come to her realization.

I would've been content with pretty much any kind of ending, but Otis finding his voice kind of makes the circle full. It's nice that his voice is left for the reader to imagine. The summary doesn't do this story any justice though, I think it gives too much away (that their feelings are mutual) and paints the story as some awfully cliched high school romance rambling. It almost scared me away which would've been a shame since this turned out to be a real gem. So thank you for posting! :-)

this was beautiful. it was sad, funny, and done right fantastic. it was oneof the best ever.