|Reviews for Ardor|
| Twilight Starr chapter 2 . 7/11/2008
Great addition. I'm sure that had to be quite a sight. ;D Nice work. Keep writing!
| Odi et amo chapter 2 . 7/4/2008
Cool chapter. I loved the fight sequence. And ooh, Logan is hot. I like him more now that I know he's tall...and a fellow fan of fruit loops.
| Lorki chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
I like this chapter, it seems mostly like character development but I think it did that very well. Its short but I figure its important to lead onto the rest of the story. Getting to know a character first is always nice. I noticed a few run on sentences but not anything too major. Kudos.
If you could take a look at my story "The Dog King" that'd be often. It is long but just the first chapters would be fine. Thanks so much, good luck with this story.
| ByYourSide chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
I have to say I found it incredibly difficult to keep track of who was speaking, especially in the bit right after the meeting. In addition, I found that having the narrator speaking in the meeting one moment, discussing with the reader how no one can help but to like him, and then having a sudden jump to a new bit of dialog-even with the phrase "It was later in the day, after the meeting." tossed in -was quite a bit of an uneasy jump. It didn't seem to flow, in my opinion.
I would suggest investing in speaker tags, but only every once in a while. For clarity, you know. )
I do like the narrator, though. He has definite charisma and personality that really brings the piece to life, if anything. I think having the story told from his perspective puts the most interesting twist on it all.
| Alive Out of Habit chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
A very good beginning to what sounds like a good story. I like how you let us into the head of the main character, letting us know what he is thinking at all times. The last paragraph was well written and the first part of the story flowed nicely into it.
One thing I didn't get was that the guy was at work and he's a vampire. Did he have to go out into the sun? Or are the vampires in your story not affected by that? Perhaps you should have elaborated on that.
| Arydesia chapter 1 . 6/29/2008
interesting beginning! it's a little choppy, though, and it'd be great if you found a way to connect the three events instead of separating them by hyphens.
logan's character is likeable :) but he seems a little bland right now, witty replies and all. but i'm waiting for the next chp.!
| Twilight Starr chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
Interesting beginning. Logan is definitely an entertaining character. Nice work. Keep writing!
Good luck with writing, this story, and life. Have a lovely day and a wonderful summer.
| AMM3485 chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
I like it, it's a really good start so far. I know it's only the prologue so I don't really expect all of my questions to be answered but so far I think it's going really swell. The beginning is a little confusing, but I'm pretty sure it'll make sense as you go along. Great job.
| Odi et amo chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
Looks interesting so far, only in the very begining the switch between the office meeting and the cafe was a little unclear. It took me a few seconds to realize he had actually moved and that time had passed. Also, is his work aware that he's a vampire? There were some things that hinted at it, but the message was unclear.
Can't wait for the next chapter though. It's always nice to see an update from you.