Reviews for The Opal Fox
Madison Clarke chapter 25 . 12/8/2009
i just read your story(duh). it is absolutly amazing...i loved it...please update really soon...i want to know what happens with James.

P.S. please excuse the spelling errors...
aurora borealis chapter 24 . 12/6/2009
Wow, this story is fun. A bit frustrating (some annoying characters and just to many plot lines for our heroine to pay proper attention), but very well written. (The fact that I get frustrated should be a hint of that. :D)

Interesting that you have tiny hints of German here and there (schadenfreude, Leipzig street, verboten).

Can't wait to read more. I love this story. :)
SatiricalEntity chapter 24 . 12/1/2009
Hey, is this the end of Opal Fox? Because I've read al your others and loved them, apart from the two containing spoilers, and I just want to know if I can move on. But I adore your writing style, it's really professional. The idea behind the series is brilliant, and you've thought it through and carried it out wonderfully. Maybe combining it all into a series, you could maybe even get it published!
waterlilies52 chapter 24 . 11/29/2009
haha I caught the How I Met Your Mother reference at the beginning of this chapter! funny stuff. I liked the conversation at the end too.
Tawny Owl chapter 24 . 11/26/2009
Back to the Jane Austen references – Juliette’s ability to get people to organise things for her to do made me think of Lydia Bennett coercing Mr Bingley in to hosting the ball at Netherfield. I’m hoping I’m not a major geek and that it was the mention of Nantal having a season that made me think of it.

I love the ‘have you met Lady Sophie?’ game. I’m going to have to initiate something like that next time I go out with my friends. I may not suggest it until we’ve had something to drink though.

The line about sisters stealing clothes made me laugh. And I like the conversations between Anne and Aura. It’s very rare to find two female characters on this site who can bounce lines off each other like that. It was smart and funny, and urm, practical. They don’t waste words.

Emory has a sling in the same colour as his coat? I find it hilarious that someone would go to that much effort. It’s ridiculous. Aura wanting to drift towards him was a lovely image. It reminded me of moth’s to a flame, but not quite as dangerous. Well, maybe not.

“I am going to fix your arm and you are going to let me.” – brilliant line.

I can’t help wondering what’s going to happen when Emory turns up with his arm mended – although there’s nothing to stop him hiding it in the sling again – oh, ok he does.

I wasn’t sure who said the “How cheeky” later on, but I’m guessing it was Angela.

Juliette could not stop with with vacuously phrased questions – two withs.

I was annoyed when Angela turned up, but Juliette needed a piano dropped on her head or something. Although Aura seeing her as a threat was nice. Nice because she always seems so brash and confident and it made her seem more fallible.

The conversation was hilarious; no offence taken. The girls do make a convincing argument so it's a good job there's been kissing already. And Emory spends a lot of time with Lord Mitborough does he…?
AlijaS117 chapter 24 . 11/26/2009
lol! please update soon!
TymCon chapter 24 . 11/26/2009
Lol for the life of me i did not have a clue what he was being called. The conversation was hilarious though.
Casup chapter 24 . 11/26/2009
Another good chapter, took me till almost the end to get what the girls were saying Emory was, even with the small hints. I do love your humor,nothing makes a good story without some small amount of it. Thats what made Terry Pratchetts book interesting anda fun read, and as always I still love your writing style, I can jsut imagine the characters faces, voices and scenery as I go along.

Hope to see the next chapter soon : D
violinrunner chapter 23 . 11/23/2009
No! There must be more to catch up on!

I really like your idea. I can tell you've done plenty of research - the little bits you've mentioned in the author's notes at the beginning of each chapter really shows.

I still really like your characters - the whole court scene was brilliant. However, I am going to change something I said in my other review. I love Auralie. She's fantastic. Though the more I've read, the less round I've thought her. She seems to be pretty much the stereotypical tomboy-living-in-an-age-when-girls-were-uniformly-feminine character. I'd love to see a more feminine side to her as well (besides gossiping with her friends). For instance, I would consider myself a bit of a tomboy. I love to go fishing, and usually I'm the one in charge of getting the meat off the fish when we get home. When we were younger, my siblings and I would play around with the fish eyes (sorry if this is gross: I'm making a point). However, I also love long, pretty, graceful dresses. And evening gowns - a trait which is admittedly rather girly. I'd love to see the same sort of contrasts in Auralie. Especially because she's your main character. That makes her more important than the rest.

Otherwise, I can see how much work you've put into this story. You've a wonderful knack for coming up with just the right phrase to get your point accross, and your details are fantastic, without becoming overwhelming. I look forward to reading more!
violinrunner chapter 4 . 11/21/2009
Brilliant! I love the idea you've got here. I read everything leading up to this, and I love your style. I didn't get to read the "unrevised" editions, but all the revisions you've been mentioning show. You've paid so much attention to detail, without becoming overbearing. Your characters are excellent, well-rounded and believable. I like that there are no extremes. Each character has his good points and his bad points. Marie is a flirt, but she obviously loves Auralie. Charles Dielle is a good father, but he is also pettish about some things. Auralie is a tomboy, but she also knows how to be a lady when she needs to be.

Your setting is easy to imagine as well. I had a clear picture in my head of the type of atmosphere this is set in after one sentence of the second story I read.

For the record, Kingsley's antics while the prince was around - and the prince's reaction - had me cackling hysterically. I love it.

I look forward to reading the rest of this.
wabbit57 chapter 22 . 11/13/2009
I have been following this story for at least a year. As i finish my last midterm of my undergraduate degree, I happy to say I can finally catch up on the new chapters! love the work can not wait for you to continue.
lookingwest chapter 23 . 11/2/2009
Woo! I'm reviewer 99! Almost as awesome as reviewer 100!

Plot: So I've been able to create a better idea of where your story was and where it's going. You've worked a cliche very well, the woman falling in love with the prince charming, ect. But you're constantly aware of your cliche, which you even stated in your summary! Still, you've been able to put your own contribution to it, and your details in your world were amazing in this chapter especially! I feel a great self-awareness in your story, and that makes it ultimately refreshing.

Techniques: Generally you've got a traditional technique of writing, I don't really see any experimentation in the narration or dialogue, and you've stuck pretty close to the norms. However, with those norms, you've been able to artfully use the technique of simile and even personification especially well in this chapter. Several wonderful examples: "The next morning saw me..." I liked the personification of the morning, "There the trees have never been felled by humans and grow wider than carriages..." wonderful word choice and a great simile that adheres to your time placement as well!

Relationships: I of course enjoyed the relationship between Emory and Aurelie, but that wasn't really emphasized in this chapter, but instead everyone's reaction to their relationship! I thought it especially stupid that Juliette called Aurelie a "vixen" for having a relationship with Emory, even if she was joking. She sees a walking stereotype to me of the "scheming witch woman who subconsciously has an understanding that women who flirt are vixens" haha. It made me enjoy her character more actually!

Spelling/Grammar: One more nit-picky thing about grammar that everyone always reminds me about too: Remember your adverb placements. You've got a lot of sentences ending in adverbs or even your dialogue when someone "said smoothly" as an example. An adverb describes what it proceeds (I'm guilty of placing it wrong in my stories too) so the correct way would be "smoothly said" or "wildly gestured" instead of "gestured wildly".

Before I'm off, I just wanted to also add that I REALLY enjoyed the whole description while your characters were having a picnic, of the forest and the dragons and the different inhabitants of your world. Out of the three chapters I read, this one was the most vivid and strong. Thanks for giving me the opportunity to explore your world!

Happy writing,

Emily
lookingwest chapter 22 . 11/2/2009
Alright, on to Chapter 22, I'm impressed by the fact you've been trying to do a quick head count-36,0 nobles! Wow! I'm going to try to cover everything I can on the RG list, minus the beginning and ending since I won't be reading either!

Dialogue: I feel you've got a great grasp of dialogue within the story, it flows nicely and follows appropriate reactions, I think you've got a good grasp of how people in your world talk too, since they're noble, I'd assume they'd talk a lot more proper than the poor/peasants, and I feel like you were successfully able to show that. With dialogue, I'll give a piece of advice my creative writing prof. gave me that I always have trouble with, since I write dialogue similar to yours: My professor told me to stop using so many synonyms for the word "said", and it's hard to do for me, and I can see that you also enjoy adding the flowery end tags, but when someone is "remarking" or even "replying" it becomes really unnecessary. An example in your story towards the beginning:

"And you remember which servant, do you?"

... "Of course," she replied smoothly...

Well, eh, of course she's replying! Get it? My prof. makes everyone ONLY use the word "said" which really makes me mad and annoyed, but I do kind of understand what he means. Some times it can be over done and I feel that you and I both tend to do it with our dialogue.

Spelling/Grammar: Your spelling was great, I saw no errors in it, but then again I'm not a perfect speller, nor am I really excellent in grammar but I do actually have just a few things to critique, it's strange, I never usually go into this much detail so these problems are very, very small. I feel that your sentence structure was easily followed in this chapter than the last, but you still tend to end a lot of your sentences with prepositions, I counted about six in the dialogue with her sister before she meets the prince, such as "to" "by" and "down". Eh, I'm bad with prepositions to though, some I feel are so unavoidable! Like your sentence "the old man was glad of any excuse to sit down." But again, I make these mistakes too an they're really small compared to the more important things in my opinion, like character development ect. Oh, and kind of off subject from grammar/spelling, but is Aurelie in a dress during the court scenes? There's a sentence "I strolled along with my hands in my pockets" and it just messed up my picture of her...unless the dresses have pockets? I might have missed something!

Pace: I feel the story is going at a medium pace which is good, it's progressing a little slowly through the narration but that gives it more of a professional undertone. In this chapter, I thought it was much more exciting than the last, and I especially felt the pace pick up during the dialogue between Aurelie and Emory (cool name by the way!), their exchange was refreshing to me!

Other: One last thing! I enjoyed the gender dynamics in this chapter too, especially between the judges and Aurelie's sister! Although you adhere to the stereotype in a more real way by making the woman a practitioner of magic, beautiful, and constantly scheming, I still felt the gender assumptions made by the judges to assume her sister was harmless was entertaining and a great addition to the story. I did feel that her sister was almost too scheming, so much so it became hard for me to take her completely seriously, but I definitley respected her strength!
lookingwest chapter 21 . 11/2/2009
Phew! Hello, I'm from RG and my name's Emily, just felt right to introduce myself since I will be doing a lot of talking. I printed off your last three chapters (which totaled thirty pages) and have just finished the first one! I thought I'd give you a first heads up that I printed them off, but I'll be promptly destroying them, I promise, I just saw the size of these chapters and was like: EEK! and had to print them off to read them as to find myself "scanning". Anyway. To the review!

Scene/Setting: I was really surprised by your superior knowledge of your setting, so the scenes that you depicted in this chapter were very vivid because of the little fun descriptions like the "winged chairs" and the "carriages" that were outside the court. I would have never thought of things like that, so I found that the period itself was really well depicted and the care you take to stay within the period works really well too. Everything just meshed together to create wonderful scenes and a vast world that was obviously more than just what the characters interacted with!

Characters: I found Aurelie (I think that's her name?) easy to relate to because she has a closeness with her family and also doubts about her future, especially it seems regarding the prince, though I'm not completely sure what that relationship is because I haven't read the whole story up to here, so pardon my wrong assumptions, haha. I especially enjoyed the glimpse into her fun personality when she was playing thumb war during the introduction of all the nobles! That Aurelie has to balance the social standards of her period and also deal with her education always creates interesting character dynamics. I haven't gotten a huge wave of sexism yet regarding the society of characters but I'm assuming there is some. Are women and men able to practice magic equally? As a women studies student, I love to look into the details of women in literature and their relation to men, so I'm really looking forward to how she handles the prince.

Writing: Here I have some criticisms-sometimes the structure of your sentences becomes too complex, I see this especially after printing it off, and sometimes you end sentences often with prepositions. As an example I felt these sentences were worded a little weirdly, "The books I had pulled down the evening before still sat open on the table; the maids had thankfully left them alone. Shield spells, I understood the theory and mechanics of; I could use a standard spell, or improvise if I had to." Reading it aloud makes it a little awkward, especially if pauses are made in the proper places. The information is all wonderful in your prose, just the way it's explained can get a little tangled.

Enjoyment: So far, I've really enjoyed this chapter because of, again, it's depth into the society and world you've managed to create. I found it easy to get into, even though I haven't read the first twenty pages! I'm looking forward to reading 22 and 23, and I really hope I get some extensive interaction between Aurelie and those outside of her family complex. (Horton kept making me think of Horton Hears a Who-legal adviser!)

I'm going to go get something to eat, and will promptly begin reading chapter 22 after wards!

Happy writing,

Emily

P.S. I really like how you name your chapters, it's really creative!
Outlaw's Daughter chapter 23 . 10/23/2009
This chapter is very good! For some reason, I really like the description of Nantal. Some authors tend to describe too much, and others not enough, but I though this was the perfect amount.
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