|Reviews for The Opal Fox|
| The Weatherwitch chapter 38 . 6/26/2010
i have loved this since i started reading it, this is very well done! :D
good luck on getting this published, and if people love it as much as i do, you wont need luck ;)
| SparrowAndPhoenix chapter 38 . 6/26/2010
Whew! Well, all in all I'd have to say this is a pretty FABULOUS story! And Aurelie is my kind of heroine. I thought that this chapter did a good job wrapping up the story, though it seemed a bit rushed. Perhaps you could have split this chapter in half, and put in a little more detail. I do wish there had been a little more between James and Aurie, just in terms of closure (probably too OOC if he had kissed her :) ). Well done and congratulations!
| AlijaS117 chapter 38 . 6/25/2010
It can't be done! I love this story too much to let it go! Great chapter by the way!
| QueenOfTheFaeries chapter 38 . 6/25/2010
I love this story. It's the best one I've ever found on Fictionpress, and if it gets published I will buy it.
| A.Woody chapter 38 . 6/25/2010
Oh I just love this story :) I can't wait to see it on the shelves of a bookstore and I hope that you are sucessful in all of your writing. I'm also excited to read more about Aurie and Emory :)
| SparrowAndPhoenix chapter 37 . 6/23/2010
And of course Prince Geoffrey was involved. I knew I hated him for some reason (besides the fact that he's a stuck-up jerk, of course). And we FINALLY get to see Aurelie fight with a sword! Awesome chapter! And it's almost over... no
| SparrowAndPhoenix chapter 36 . 6/23/2010
It's the nice, smarmy ones who always get you in the end... Daniel makes sense... sigh. KILL THE BASTARD AURELIE!
| SparrowAndPhoenix chapter 21 . 6/9/2010
Oh poor baby, less than nine hours of sleep a night! :) hahaha. I'm really loving the story so far!
| Tsumujikaze no Soujutsu chapter 1 . 6/6/2010
Herro there. Hopefully ya remember me. Well, I guess you might not since it's been a very long time since I've reviewed you. Anyway, this is a very interesting starting chapter as you've managed to compile the whole workings of politics together with the plot in one single starting chapter. I'll be truly curious to see what you can do from there given the extensive length of this story currently. Aurelie's relationship with Marie was also quite well done without revealing too much. As for the personalities of the two sisters, I also think that you did enough to let the readers identify with them. Of course I would hope for a certain personality for Derie, but that might be a bit too much at this moment of time since I can't be sure what will be his impact in the story. And somehow or another, I suspect the young noble here will be a pivotal character in the story as well. Apart from that, nothing to say. Sorry if this review sounds short and lacking in CCs. I'm having a case of a constant parched throat right now due to my illness and hence, I can't actually concentrate in giving CCs due to the irritating feeling at the moment. :(
P.S: I believe I've returned all of your reviews now. Correct me if I'm wrong. If not, then return this review via The Eternal Grail. You've stopped at chapter 4 fyi. :)
| SparrowAndPhoenix chapter 1 . 6/2/2010
I like it! It's an engaging (I use interesting too much) beginning and I like your style of writing; it seems to suit the time period. Keep updating!
| Tawny Owl chapter 37 . 6/1/2010
Loved the image of the blade on fire. It would have been cool to have some more detail right off, or mixed in with the banter more, I wanted to feel all the curses flying.
Magic moved as a ripple in the air, faint waves, a distortion warping what you saw. – I liked this sentence, but it was odd too. I think maybe the ‘what you saw’ because I can’t remember Aura talking directly to us like that before. And possibly cos it’s a bit wordy – magic rippled through the air, maybe.
It’s weird that now he’s evil you’re calling him by his surname too. It’s like he has more of an alta ego. Did I say that last time? My brain’s gone a bit melty.
And I’m going to ask what Aura’s wearing again. I know I’ve done that before, but for a girl in skirts and petticoats she’s doing a lot of leaping about. I know she probably can because she has an inner tom boy, but I think you should remind us how cool it is that she can do all that stuff in skirts. It’d be good textural stuff in terms of noise and appearance as well.
And Danny boy seems to be on the offensive too. It felt like Aura was just really going for him without much tactical thought (warts? Really?) I can imagine her just being really, really foot stampingly, screamingly angry. If you do rip this to shreds show us how she’s feeling. (I would like to see screaming and snarling, and maybe hair flying about. Ok, getting over excited now, but you could stick so much emotion in this, it’d be wicked! Actually see if you can slip some of the energy from Drax into it – ok will stop now and start breathing again.)
I dropped my knife in my hurry to block – she has a knife, and a sword and she’s hurling curses at him. You may want to give away more physical things about how she’s doing it for clarity. Does she use the knife and sword to focus/direct the magic? Sorry, thinking funky visuals again. I want to write a fight!
Oh, and then you call him Lord Daniel – I think you need to pick one and stick to it or the fight gets too crowded.
"I'm going to kill you," I said – no, no. Not said. It’s such a wicked come back because we know she means it! Make her growl it, hiss it, spit it. And how close are their faces? Sorry, again, I’m getting too excited.
Now he was taking a moment to heal his leg. – Visuals again. I bet the smooth aristocrat is looking rather beat up by now. I want to see how badly Aura’s roughed him up. It’d be rather satisfying.
When there was no hope there was no harm in trying. I remembered the fortuneteller's words. In hopeless madness I did something stupid. – Big it up. You make it seem like too much of a simple decision. Have her take a deep breath, have some self doubt, then make her really go for it. I’m liking the called, but how does her voice sound? And if she’s so close to Lord Daniel and being held by him would it have more effect if she whispered them. I kind of got the impression she was shouting in his face, which could also be good. And if she held his eyes as she did so? How does she feel when she’s said the words out loud. You could also up Aura’s volume when she cuts over him.
"A sad sister she made you. Did you know she cried for her parents?" – I’m not sure what the ‘made you’ means.
Loved the arrival of the goddess, and the way you described the anger. Just an idea though, the ‘You are mine and I am yours.’ Who says it? Aura or her? It doesn’t matter, the ambiguity of it kind of makes the merging thing they have going on more spine tingly. You could put it in italics though…partly for impact and partly to make it less like it’s completely in Aura’s head. Just an idea, it depends what you’re going for.
‘our face’ wicked. *air punches*
Loved the ‘then I fell’ too. Maybe make more of how she feels before she hits the floor though. Wants it like suddenly having something that powerful and beautiful ripped away? – You did describe the possession beautifully.
I couldn't even close them. – brilliant impact, but repetitive of before, so maybe cut them there and put in something else?
One thing that did bug me slightly was Lord Daniel’s casual reaction to losing his magic. He must know what’s just been done to him, but I’d have thought there’d be some trying it first anyway. The magical equivalent of kicking a wall or something as he tries to get it to work. Then some anger because he is a prize winning nutcase. It seemed like there was scope there for more of a ‘i’ll get you and your little dog too’ moment – but not quite so camp, obviously. It’d make the calmness of the ‘I’ll get my magic back…but you…’ nastier.
I love Emory! Love the passion of the proper school boy scuffling, and the fighting dirty with the biting, and the belated, yet indignant ‘you stabbed me!’ was wonderfully timed. It was great to have something to laugh at after all the heavy fighting.
Accusing stares – I reckon Aura’s good at those.
"Is the sorcerer, and my cousin, Daniel Roustaive. He stabbed me! He actually stabbed me!" (I love Emory).
"It was terrifying!" he replied. "It was angry and I was just glad it was angry at Roustaive because I don't know what it would have done to me." – nice way to build on what Aura was feeling and let us know it was so obvious it was everywhere.
Been nice to have more details on the kissing too, but I am a bit of a voyeur at the moment. And loved that he carried her out of their. Although for some strange reason it made me think of an officer and a gentleman.
I don’t want it to end – please say you’ll be posting the rewrites here as well. Hope the apartment hunting isn’t too traumatic.
| Kjersti chapter 37 . 5/26/2010
I don't care what you say, I loved this chapter. Enough drama and silliness to make me happy, at least. ;) Keep up the good work!
| Umog chapter 1 . 5/25/2010
I really, really, really like this story!
It has so many different layers of everything, it is amazing!
On the first view it is a fantasy story, if you look closer it becomes a crime story, and of course there are several romance stories in between.
You have created a complex, intelligent and logical system of magic, which is still flexible enough for the odd surprise.
The result is an intricate pattern of relationships, embedded in a complex society.
You placed a lot of hints along the story, for example regarding the invocation, or that Aurelie is at her best, when she is angry, so in retrospect, we should have guessed what will happen, but we did not
Maybe the best is that it is all coherent, so you never had to pull out the deus ex machina to save the story.
It is great.
I think this story will come to a nice end, but of course it calls for a sequel!
| violinrunner chapter 37 . 5/24/2010
Yay! Emory and Aura both saved the day! Poor deluded Daniel. Apparently, he went a little mad. Poor Sophie, too. She really liked him. I'm glad you had Aura almost beaten at the end! Emory got to save her! :D
| TymCon chapter 37 . 5/24/2010
Hm i think Lord Darius was dealt with a bit too quickly. Meh. Now their's prince geoffrey:D