Reviews for window bars
no.peace.los.angeles chapter 1 . 6/26/2008
I love the lines, "but when will my lyric cease/to the curve of your letters." So interesting. I do think you need more punctuation in this - usually I'm the type of person that's content to let the poet use whatever forms of grammar they want, for artistic freedom and aesethetic purposes, but I think this might work better with more punctuation. Plus, you used one comma, so I'd either get rid of that or add in others. I think that's my main issue; it would flow better with more punctuation, because we'd have a better idea where thoughts end and begin and where to pause, things like that. But I do like the idea of the poem and I know it can be difficult to come back to writing after not doing it for awhile. That's why I try to write SOMETHING every day; it's the easiest way to get better. Keep writing! :)