|Reviews for Letters to my past|
| simpleplan13 chapter 4 . 7/23/2008
Here again I had issues with the transition from the last one to this one. I mean it seemed the last one was such powerful almost hatred towards the situation and now it's just gone.
I also wasn't sure sure if the whole thing was about the day you met or if you said that to them while they were on the porch, that confused me a bit.
I do like this though, especially how you put that one sentence on its own line, it worked really well to emphasize the point. Nice job.
| simpleplan13 chapter 3 . 7/23/2008
I have to say I think you went a bit overboard with the ellipses here.. lol
"writhing and squirming trying to".. I think you need a comma before trying
I did like this though, the whole idea of not asking to feel a certain way is so true and relateable. I also liked your descriptions of they were, they were really interesting and powerful.
| simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 7/23/2008
"gazing at your present, at that which"... I don't think you need the at that because the which works and then it's less wordy and repetitive with the ats
I liked this, the whole wrapping someone up thing was a really interesting idea and it worked well. I also like how it begins kinda in the middle of a thought, it makes you wonder why this person can understand the behavior.
I do kinda wish this one and the one before it connected more though, the jump between the two seemed random.
Still, a really great job.
| simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/22/2008
Thanks for all your reviews!
I like this, it's interesting and it definitely makes you want to read more. One thing you say either of those, when it's more than two things it needs to be any, either is only for two things. Other than that this is a really great beginning.