Reviews for as the fish watches
CandleQueen chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
God, I love this. The imagery is stunning, and I couldn't find anything to improve on. An instant fav.

Chidori Nadare chapter 1 . 7/5/2008
This is one of the poems that I cannot review for technicalities, instead I review them for emotions, imageries or feelings.

Unfortunately, I'm also a victim of that. Poetry comes in different forms, structures, etc.

"bad poetry is

a million mouths speaking the same

words, a million tongues rolling the same

tastes in those million mouths

and i'm tired, so tired because they're all

bad in ten million different ways"

You actually stated something about cliches and made it so appealing to the mind. I love how you actually wrote it. Very spiteful, almost angry.

"good poetry is

a revelation that's not mine

i'm humbled and jealous and

i know, god how i know the bitter-honey

words will never form Rorschach-like

from my ink because"

It's so true. Really, sometimes we feel jealous that the best poems are the ones from others yet at the same time we're humbled because they, in a way, influenced you. I love that Rorschach reference there.

"i am not brilliant, red and green

flowering over blue sky like

the Moon's mantle, i am

the fish that fights the current and sees

weeds and shining stars and

pale face smiling benevolently

before it is tumbled away

in the deep dark water"

Pretty imagery. This reads so gracefully and elegant. I also like that hint of counterculture/someone going against the flow.

"it's not your heart, but your soul

and a lacework of sparking neurons flashing

their firework patterns, and i just can't

flick a fingernail and set them off"

I love how you made the system of the brain into something that consists of lace and fireworks. This is actually my favorite stanza in the whole poem.

"(can i hope to light up the sky?)"

I think this translates to, "can I be successful/great/any other words related?" It's weird that when I read this I thought of that painting of the exploding man in Heroes (eh?). Well, this is a great way to end this poem.

I find this to be one of the best poems about poetry that I've read on the site. So...this is going into my faves. Great job!

doctor's diagnosis chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
This is very honest and I like it. I think it's pretty darn good. I like the imagery you use in the third stanza a lot. I also like the end, but it's becoming quite common to use a single line question at the end of a poem, especially putting it in parentheses. You might want to stay away from that to maintain originality. Good job! :)


groovi-gal-numba1 chapter 1 . 7/1/2008
haha this poem made me laugh. its not what i was expecting, a poem about good and bad poetry.

i liked this paragraph:

it's not your heart, but your soul

and a lacework of sparking neurons flashing

their firework patterns, and i just can't

flick a fingernail and set them off

i like your simple, delicate style - and interesting subject matter. good work!
siphoned afterglow chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
i love the third and fourth paragraph. The whole piece is quite lovely actually. awesome work

lymli chapter 1 . 6/28/2008
there was something that reminded me somebody... it's true what you mean repetitive things and what it should be a poem.
stained blue chapter 1 . 6/27/2008
i rather like this, i don't really thing you can seperate "bad" poetry from "good" poetry because everybody has there different opinions about things, so it's really your choice what's what (eh...), but i -think- i understand what you're saying. the fourth stanza kinda discribes your brain trying to function to give you inspritation but you just can't seem to get any(?)

i'm sorry, i'm crappy at anylazing things, but this is good.
403 Forbidden chapter 1 . 6/27/2008
This is a pretty acuurate assessment of most poetry. Unfortunately, I suffer the same problem in my writing. Moving on, I like the last stanza where it creates a beautiful image of a brain working while comparing it to fireworks. I think your poem would benefit from some capitals, though. All in all a pretty good poem.

-Peace out.