|Reviews for Penitence|
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 8 . 4/28/2012
More, soon, please?
I really love the story, and I don't think I can say that enough. I like how, here, we get to see more of her religious side, and although it's been mentioned and hinted before, I think this is the first time we really see how much it means to her, how much influence it has over her life. I love the descriptions that open the chapter, too, and even the ones throughout - especially when it comes to the diner, the kitchen and the fish. I think you have a great balence between description and everything else, and the amount of it - the fact that there's quite little but conveying so much - really helps the story itself flow, while allowing the reader to really picture it in there mind. So, yeah, really great stuff and I cannot wait for the next chapter.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 7 . 3/30/2012
As always, really liking the characters, and the interactons between them. I really liked seeding a bit more of her relationship with Celeste, and you do a great job of showing how she acts slightly differently around different people. The small touches of description add quite a lot to the feel of it, too, making it just a bit more vivid and the realistic feel to it works excellently. I love how she kind of justifies what Chase does, how she almost excuses it. And yeah, the aspect of religion, when it comes into it, really adds a lot to her character; again, it's quite realistic in the way she talks about it, the way it's mentioned - it's not too much, but it's just enough to see how much it matters to her. Great stuff!
| Psycholips chapter 8 . 3/14/2012
Looking forward to more chapters...will you update soon, please?
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 6 . 3/7/2012
I really like Scott. I think his character is portrayed really well - you've got the right mix of protective friend mixed with the potential that he likes her as more than a friend, but I think it's not overdone, not over-the-top and that really helps it avoid being a cliche. I like, too, how he's picked up on something about Chase but can only pinpoint it as 'he's whacked'. You manage subtly in this really well, too, with the hints towards weight issues that she has. It's done in a way that, again, helps it avoid a cliche. Dialogue, as always, is brilliant, and I think you sprinkle in enough description and action between it to keep it fresh. Good stuff.
| Guest chapter 5 . 1/19/2012
As always, really enjoyed that chapter. I like how, even though information about the characters is still being given to the reader, it's all part of the plot; nothing drifts too far into reading like it's seperate, or just an introduction/description. Great stuff. I would suggest maybe not putting too much in italics for emphasis; I think a lot of the time, it doesn't need to be done, as the reader can pick up on the emphasis from what's being said anyway. [abhorred Scott; that she wouldn't] The semi-colon feels odd, maybe a comma, instead? Love the way you have the realisation of who Pia is. I like seeing the thought process, and the way she comes to the conclusion before it moves to Chase's home. Great interactions and dialogue between characters and, again, the scene in Chase's shows a lot about both of them without straying too far from the plot. Great ending, too - powerful last line and I like the way she reacts to it all, the way she almost justifies wha he's doing without realising that's what she's actually doing. Great stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 4 . 1/4/2012
I liked the opening here, seeing the sort of tricky customers she has to deal with on a day to day basis. It adds a nice of sense of light-heartedness to the story. Saying that I feel like, up to now, the story has been sort of light-hearted. I can't help but feel you are luring the reader into a false sense of security. I really like the way you reveal information about the characters, such as her loss of weight. It adds a kind of weight to her mother commenting that she should eat it all. And it makes her very much relatable, to me. (Went through a similar thing when I was 16) As well as making the character more realistic. I like the fact that the story isn't focused only on her relationship with Chase - instead, we see much more of her on her own, around her family and around Scott, etc. Really good stuff.
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 3 . 12/21/2011
[Yes, I listened to music from the seventies. So sue me. I liked the stuff.] - how could you not love seventies stuff? Great decade, especially for music. Anyway, I really like the style of this, and the character you've created with Chase is very...confusing, which is done brilliantly. He's a serial killer, but the only side we really see of him is the sweet, caring side. In that way, he sort of reminds me of one of the main characters in American Horror Story. You've got a really good grasp on the dialogue, and again, loved the interactions with the different characters. It worked really well. Don't have much to critique, here, sorry. Great stuff!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 2 . 11/28/2011
I really like this chapter; it's good to see her interaction with other characters, and other people. I also like the opening of it, the way it links in with the last chapter. Throughout, I think you have a good handle on the characters and how you want them to come across, and I admit, it's refreshing to have read about a character with a stable family life. Noah seems so cute, bless him! Great stuff, really enjoying the story!
| Wallflower.x chapter 8 . 11/26/2011
I love this story.
I think you could easily publish this.
It's one of my favourties on this site.
Please update quickly!
| dawnita chapter 2 . 11/13/2011
haha, i like Scott. he's funny ...
i really like your writing style :))
i wonder when she found out about her boyfriend
| dawnita chapter 1 . 11/13/2011
i liked this chapter :))
i like your writing style. it's smooth and ... you describe a scene very well i think
that was kind of creepy though, a serial killer. i mean an assassin would be okay, but a serial killer? but i like this idea.
on to the next chapter!
| Dreamers-Requiem chapter 1 . 11/1/2011
I am intrigued; I really like this as a first chapter. The dialogue works really well for a teenage couple, and I love how you keep the information back until the very end; I thought he was just robbing people, at first. Also; love the name Chase :P The only thing I really picked up on was [She was mad enough when I dyed it this color,"] Because you have the 'don't dye it again' before, it feels too...repetitive. Maybe ("She was mad enough with this color") ? Love the description just before that, too; it gives the impression of a very observant main character. I do think, perhaps, with the very last line you could have (A serial killer...) but that's just a personal thing, so it's up to you. Like I said, really good first chapter; I'll be back to read the second soon.
| Clarissa Rose chapter 8 . 10/25/2011
This is so well written and all the characters are so well thought out. I love this story and is it wrong to say I love Chase too? Well please update soon!
| aryagal chapter 8 . 10/25/2011
omg this is so great i love it.
the development of hannah and chase's characters are amazing.
| ixdookiie chapter 7 . 10/22/2011
so..I'm guessing this chapter wasn't all that important. At least you updated.