Reviews for Winning Gabriels Love
039301 chapter 1 . 12/4/2008
I'm sorry I didn't see this story earlier. It's very good and follows the same writing pattern of your other stories. I look forward to future chapters of this one!
dEaRja chapter 1 . 8/1/2008
M, in enters the tall sexy-(dearja stop drooling) stranger. So far I like Gabriel's looks. lol, decided to check out some stories from people already looking at mine. From the little here this has potential. Keep it up. until next time.
WriterGurl123 chapter 1 . 7/9/2008
That was really intense, I wonder how she knows him or why he reacted like that. Also, I just so happen to love Scary Kids Scaring Kids! Awesome band that I wish I got to see live, but anyways, I love the story!
xbrunnettex0 chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
sounds really good so far. what kind of guy would hit a girl? or did he not know she was a girl at first?
fights with fire chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
This sounds like it's going to be really good. The first chapter was a very good opening for getting people hooked, if a little short. Can't wait to read more!
Impersonating Sugar chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
Arrgh! Where to begin? Here, I'll disect the first paragraph.

First of all, quotations. When you use quotation marks, the first word is capital. Secondly you start a new paragraph when there is a new speaker. Easier for the reader to digest, plus it makes the story look longer! Next, if you're talking to someone, you should use a comma:

"Hey Hel, what’s up, Sugar Lump?” Maybe. If 'sugar lump' is a nickname for Eve.

She wrapped her arms around me, “I heard about what happened. I knew that bastard was up to no good.” The former "She...me" is a complete sentence. Unless you added something like "and whispered,".

Watch your commas. That's pretty much what I'm getting at.

You also probably want to cut back on the descriptions a bit. I'm a total hypocrite, but it kind of feels like you're forcing it down the reader's throat. There is nothing wrong with desciption, just make sure you time it appropriately.

Sorry to sound so harsh; I'm a bit of a grammar nut. (Not saying my grammar is perfect, by any means). With some editing and maybe a little more depth given to your characters, this could turn out to be a pretty good story.
Otseis Ragnarok chapter 1 . 7/7/2008
I loved the interaction with Gabriel and Eve. That's about the only thing I liked, though...

What did I not like? One word: Execution.

Every single sentance had the word "I" in it! Sheesh, do you have any idea how annoying that is? I did this, I did that, I got hit with a baseball bat. It's just so tedious to read.

Not to mention your forced descriptions. It felt like you were trying too hard to paint a picture, when all you were doing was listing details. You don't need to tell the readers everyhting. I don't care what kind of shoes a person is wearing! A person's exact height, down to the last inch, specific details concerning peircings and whatnot. A general overview would've been much better, and you could've put more depth into the interactions between people. A little more show, a lot less tell.