Reviews for The Homecoming
Morohtar chapter 23 . 9/17/2008
And it's over! This is a really good story / script and I loved it. It was a nice story that carried on and showed the development of young people into ... slightly more mature young people! And I loved the way that it ends with Julie going to be a child again, not trying to grow up.

This is an excellent story with some great lessons, and it is realistic, and plausible, and funny. I really enjoyed it very much.
Morohtar chapter 22 . 9/17/2008
I like this scene too - the good cop / bad cop routine is one which works well, and I think that the boss being as ass is cool.

I would suggest that you add a line or two where the boss gets slapped down by one of the administrators; that would give the audience a big "yay!" moment.

And Loren and Opie get together! Woo-hoo!
Morohtar chapter 21 . 9/17/2008
The humor of the "it's going to explode!" is great, and wonderfully counterpointed with the serial killer line. That works excellently.

I think that the drama of the scene could be heightened - perhaps will injuries / or people lying unconscious for a second? Something like that? They seem to get off very lightly. They are lucky, certainly.

And the revelation from Julie is good - although I suspect it is not complete.
Morohtar chapter 20 . 9/17/2008
Another cool scene - the shift from the drama of the previous one is great! And I really like the fact that Loren struggles to find the word "home" - which answers TWO questions!

Good stuff!

Anyway, I think that the revelation of their love / affection / whatever is great, but perhaps it could be a bit more awkward? Maybe they could hem and haw for a while?

The comedy with Eric's car is priceless - good end to the scene. I think it will set up the necessary drama for the next scene well.
Morohtar chapter 19 . 9/17/2008
A relatively long scene, and one which I think is very good and works well. I do like the sheer stupidity of Daeron and Julie in drinking in the car! That's a good touch which shows them as being nothing more than kids running away.

I also like the way that you reveal that it was probably Julie who damaged Mason's relationship with his girlfriend, but perhaps that could be made a shade clearer? I dunno - perhaps it world be clearer on the screen. I'd have to see it.

But still, great work - and I wanna know what happens next!
Morohtar chapter 18 . 9/17/2008
The cool thing about this chapter is the fairy-tale element; that is really stylish and very cool indeed. But I think that it would be even better if this was made more explicit; perhaps if she were dressed in something "fairy-tale" (even if it was just a Disney T-shirt) or he was a bit "prince in shining armor").

It's a great, cool scene - Daeron suddenly seems heroic, and a good guy (I think he'd seem better, and there would be more character development, if he were to realize that he could have helped / saved her from getting raped if he hadn't been drunk last night). I just think that adding to the fairy-tale stuff would work well.
Morohtar chapter 17 . 9/17/2008
This carries on from the previous scene, and I really LOVE the fact that his severe drunkeness is shown by the fact that he can't catch the asprin! Inspired! (Although, I must admit, predictable - but that is just good foreshadowing, I guess!)

I think that the horror of what is happening is not really telegraphed; it might be a good idea to have Opie think he is dead, or really ill, or something. I dunno if that would tie with the main theme of the story, but it is worth considering.
Morohtar chapter 16 . 9/17/2008
I think that this scene is a good one; not only is it very realistic, but it is also a powerful scene showing the reality of drinking. Too often drinking is shown as being cool etc. without consequences and I think that is a mistake. Not through any moralistic reason (necessarially) but rather because it just isn't realistic.

Laney is a good character, and well-drawn. And I think that really adds to the scene.

I think that a bit more of the drunkeness of Daeron (perhaps showing things from his perspective? Blurred / tilted shots) would work. But this is a good scene nevertheless.
Morohtar chapter 15 . 9/16/2008
And I'm back! I WILL review all the chapters!

Another great scene - one which really shows us a lot about Rich. We see that he is a bit of a smarmy, oily character (the final shot of him locking the door is good).

I think that the weakness of this scene is Daeron drinking - we know he's not at home 'cause he doesn't answer the door, so I think this little pick-up shot isn't necessary.
Morohtar chapter 14 . 9/11/2008
This is a cool scene - the visual drama of it (of the figure coming out of the wet night) is just awesome. I really like that.

The starkness of the dialog is also absolutely superb - it's just flat and final, and the sexual tension at the end is great as well. This is just a really good scene, and I think it works perfectly.
Morohtar chapter 13 . 9/11/2008
This is a cool scene - I really like the visual impact of burning all his stuff, and the notion that he might (once he's burned it) regret it because he realizes he's being rash is very cool - very realistic.

I think that the conversation with his father is good, but that it could stand to be a little funnier. I think it would be really cool if his dad didn't really "get" what Daeron was saying and the two of them spoke at cross-purposes for a while.

All in all, though, a great scene.
Morohtar chapter 12 . 9/11/2008
Hey, I'm back! I promised you a review for every chapter, and I WILL deliver!

Another great chapter, it advances the plot very well. I particularly like the way that Daeron just snaps - that's very realistic.

I think that it might stand being a little bit longer, giving a bit more detail and information in there. Perhaps more of a discussion between Eric and Daeron?
Morohtar chapter 11 . 9/5/2008
This scene is cool - and I love the way you have the French in there. Nadine is a cool character, and the comedy with Julie's complete failure to understand French and French customs is just awesome.

I think that you could perhaps make this even more so - including other such ludicrous statements and failures from Julie. Perhaps some sort of montage with silliness from her?
Morohtar chapter 10 . 9/5/2008
These two scenes work really well - I like the opening one with the little flashes and vignettes, and the homely quality of it. It shows us a great deal about where Julie is moving to.

And the second scene does as well - although it is less subtle with it. I think that a reaction from Julie to being kissed might be a good idea in here; perhaps she could react negatively? She realizes that her flirting is wrong - why no reaction to the kiss?
Morohtar chapter 9 . 9/3/2008
This chapter really advances the plot - we learn what happened to Mason, and we see some cool stuff about Julie's past and get a good inkling of what she is; namely a helpless flirt. I think that works very well, and the dialog between the two of them is good.

I think that it could be improved by perhaps showing us a little more of WHY she is like this; maybe with a flashback / forward to some little vignette which made her see everyone as a sexual object? I think that would work well - although the dialog is cool!
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