Reading again this fiction after some years... still i can't help but find some huge inconsistence...

Sorry, but i can't believe the setting in the first place, it's just not beliveable.

1- The castle is full of luscious furnitures and dresses. Plus paintings. This means a lot of valuable things...left here to rot ? Really ?

Not at all beliveable. The castle would be looted by burglars, so the government would have kept a closer look to the castle. But wait...nothing? Not even some guardians? The 2 humans could get inside the castle without a problem? Considering also that people disappeared in this place?

...see the holes in the plot ?

2- People disappeared. Good, searches were made but nothing was found. Even better!

Let's think about this, okay ?

First of all, all the vampires could never be allowed to live inside that castle, because with all the people who vanished there would be very often police, curious people, private investigators, paranormal investigators wannabe...

This lead to the logical conclusion that the castle could never be tended because it would betray the presence of people living inside. And people would come to the castle often enough that they would notice if it was tended.

3- Vampires keep humans inside the castle to feed on them.

This is unbelivable too. Where will you hide them ? People disappeared in the castle - searches were made.

-

So we have a castle, where people disappeared, that somehow is left forgotten by the people and the government.

A lot of luscious furniture and paintings and dresses are inside, but noone steal them nor put them in museums, nor wonder why time passes and the castle's inside is still in good conditions.

In this castles there are humans prisoners and many times also many vampires, but noone notice anything.

Just one small detail : all of this is enough to make it a urban legend, a haunted castle. And we know how much a haunted castle is interesting to people.

This means LOT of curious people that often would be around the place, both during day and night.

This means police and other government oranizations would be forced to , at least , put patrols and guardians inside the castle. You know, if people would get inside the castle and disappear what would happen ? Some politic would " loose his head ", just to point one thing.

But there is nothing of that.

-

All in all, the story is well written but in my opinion...bad. Because the plot is weak, very flawed. You want the reader to feel as if the setting is true, but in real all of this is surreal, unbelivable.

And if the main setting is unbelivable...the whole story is a joke.

Mmm...what to say. I really hate Julia.

Why? Because she start hating the evil of vampires, she despise them. But then she keep doing all the opposite of what she say.

She refuse to die, and she become a monster. And almost from the start, she likes it. How easily she kills!

She is the classic kind of weak man-girl that when gets a little bit of power completely loose his-her mind.
She is a weak girl drunk of her vampire powers.

Oh, how would i have loved to see her bite the dust.

I finished reading this a week ago, but I've only now been able to review it because of Wi-Fi problems. :/

Ahhhh where to begin... I was very much addicted to this. I was eating up chapters like candy. Especially towards the end. I couldn't get enough! Oh, and while I was reading this, mind you, I was staying at a place with a terrible internet connection and the Wi-Fi was hit and miss. So, imagine my utter frustration when I finished a chapter and was unable to read the next for several hours if not days. (Luckily for my sanity I was able to read the last chapter before I went without internet while I moved to a new place.)

I'll start off with all the praise I have for you. You did a fantastic job as far as spelling and grammar goes. Of course there's a couple typos here and there, but no one's perfect. Unless you have someone go over it several times, you're not going to catch everything.

You were also very successful at illustrating a vivid picture in my mind while reading this. The places you described were clear-cut, I had no problems imagining them, and you had multiple details that really helped your writing come alive. This is very important because on of the most vital tasks that an author must complete is to translate the ideas and images in the writer's mind to words for the reader to pick up and absorb. Which I have no doubt you accomplished.

Another difficult, yet important task, is to properly convey certain emotions and aspects. It's very easy for us as humans to feel emotions. However, relaying them to others, particularly in word form, can be a tricky. In your case, though, during the course of the story, I was pulled into Julia's mind and I felt as Julia felt. So props to you on that.

I also love your use of romanticism. I'm a hopeless romantic, so you really had me going in several places. _

In some of your notes, you mentioned trying to get this published. Well, I really hope you do because this certainly worthy of such. As a piece of advice, most publishing houses from what I understand focus usually on one specific genre. So it might be in your best interest to find one that matches your novel. Also, persistence. If you keep pestering them enough, you'll eventually get it published. I guarantee it. So, with that said, I'm going to give you some specific criticisms because I wasn't to see this published.

In the very beginning, before you formally introduced Matias, you accidently let his name slip in a couple paragraphs before he stated his name. It's a minor thing, but still thought you should know.

You did a good job on the French for the most part. It was all accurate, to the best of my knowledge. I'm not a fluent speaker, but I do have at least a basic understanding of the language. However, with Antoine's trademark phrase, "Ma Cherie" there's a problem. Although, directly translated to English, it is correct, 'Ma' is the feminine version of 'my'. Since Antoine is a man, the proper tense would be, 'Mon'. I believe that would also change 'Cherie' to 'Cher'. So, the final phrase would be "Mon Cher". In the romance languages, depending on who is speaking determines the gender of a word. In English, many of these words are universal and don't have specific gender distinctions. Which is why using an internet translator can be tricky.
I'm not an expert on the language, so I'm not completely positive, but I do know that Antoine should be using 'Mon' instead of 'Ma'. These are minor critiques, but I do believe they are important. Now, onto the bigger stuff.

This is my biggest criticism for this story. There were several distinct words in phrases that you used a lot thorough out your story. Now, on their own, they were good descriptions, but keep in mind once you use them multiple times, they start to lose their appeal. One of which, when describing the wind, was that 'it kissed my cheeks and tousled my hair.' That's a good piece of personification, but since you used it almost every time you described a breeze, it lost its appeal with me. Another example of this would be 'gossamer' and 'butterfly wings'. Again, good descriptions, but you used them multiple times which caused their appeal to wane. Now, when you hit 733K words, original descriptions can become difficult. I understand that. However, the fact that you could even hit such a number alone makes you an accomplished writer. So, I have no doubt in my mind that you could go through and come up with different descriptions.

The fact that I'm criticizing you like this is because I would love to see this published and also be the best it can be.

Overall, I absolutely adored this. I hadn't had a good read like this in a long time. I was absolutely ecstatic when you said there was a sequel, so I will definitely be reading that. Take pride in your skills.

9.9/10
SolanaNight

I can honestly say that this is one of the few stories that I have ever read on fictionpress that is truly deserving of applause. Not only was your writing style impeccable but I found no grammatical errors and if there were I was too enraptured by the intricacies of the plot to notice. Unlike many of the vampire stories on here, you really give a realistic insight as to the mind of a vampire and how taxing it can be for one recently changed to balance this new knowledge. There was a very deep psychological and physiological that extends beyond the frame of vampires and it is something that also encompasses humans. Usually I just rush through a story, eager to finish it and save myself the annoyance of reading each word and scattered errors but I was able to read slowly and enjoy not only the story but the thoughts that formed in me. I don't usually like leaving reviews since I'll forget of the stories in a few weeks but this is something very memorable and deserving of more insightful reviews. Rather than be the typical reviewer and say "Oh! This is such a good story!" I feel that you deserve a much deeper praise. The way that I felt at the end was very complete. You took care of many of the minute details to wrap this story up cleanly and more than satisfyingly. I can honestly say that I felt at peace when I finished because that is what a proper story should feel like at the end, not happily or morosely (if that is what an author is going for) but fulfilled, as if this tale were a ball of yarn that had been unraveled to the end instead of being but off with scissors. Also, it is my nature to finish a story no matter how mundane it may seem to me and then regret it at the end because it was a waste of time so thank you for producing something that was worthy of being read.
-Bebeellis

This by far has to be one of my favorite books. The story was so well written that it didn't take me long to get wrapped up in it. Thank you so much for writing this story. A fan for a life time - ANITA

Is this story...eh..book complete? It's fascinating... :-) very awesome!

It fantastic! I really love the part with René and Julia...

Oh my god this is amazing. A little confusing at times but truly amazing. I absolutely love this story. The moment I started reading your story I literally would not put it down. I've been using my ipad due to my broken laptop which just gave me more time and more freedom to read your story and I have been using it for the past few days to solely read your story. I've stayed up until twelve on school nights just to finish a section of your story which is very rare for me to do. It took me two and a half to three days to finish this (considering I had school and other activities) and it was defiantly worth it. I'm just sad it's over.

I am also so happy everyone lives through the fire. I was seriously upset when you made it seem like they all died. Little hate but then they lived and it was all better.

One thing I would like to mention. The rating for your story is M but I thi k this could be considered T though I can't remember all the rules or whatever defining the rating. Doesn't really matter though, just thought I'd bring it up.

Thank you for writing such an amazing story.

Thank you for creating this masterpiece.

Yay! I have a great story to read .

That was very sad and emotional I just...wow that was just s terrifically sad chapter. I love your story my god that was sad.

I know this story has been up on the site for a while now, but I just stumbled upon it this afternoon and to quite honest, the very first chapter has me hooked. It is very well written! I could almost imagine myself in Julia's shoes as I read. I do wish you luck and hope that your story will become the novel that you want it to be! I know you have already said that you will let the readers know what happens with the story, but please tell us where we can get it and for what price, because honestly I want a copy. And who knows maybe it will even become a best seller :) Good luck to you!

OMG

i cannot begin to decribe my utter shock and emotional torment that the end of that chapter! is this the end? please tell me it isnt!

i cant tell you how brilliantly you have wound this story, the great depth you have thought about it and about humanity in general. there are many lessons you have mentioned here and its absolutely fantastic!

but please tell me thats not the end! i would be heartbroken!

Angry? I would be LIVID. Camille KNOWS she is terrified of the dark and yet she locked her in that coffin with the fear that they may never let her out... after all, look what happened to Maria- the last person Camille changed- angry would not even come within a world away from what I would be feeling... I'd be pushing Camille into the sun the first chance I had.

This part actually made me cry.

Out of the forty-seven chapters posted.

Chapter Nine is still one of my favourites!

It's so witty and funny and romantic and cute in all ways! Lol!

Deli .x