|Reviews for The Rise of Empires|
| silent-distress chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
Hmm, this story looks promising! I'm looking forward to reading the next chapter. Hope you update soon!
| Pure Imagination chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
Um, you misspelled Barack. Just so you know.
Dude, when did you become an anarchist? Did I totally miss that? Good first chapter.
| GoldSilver21 chapter 1 . 7/11/2008
Very interesting. I look forward to seeing where this story will be headed...
A couple of times you cramped alot into one spot.I found this espicasilly in the 7th section. I have done this a few times, and its just a minor something to watch out for.
Overall, very neat and I am looking forward to more!
| Floating Fish chapter 1 . 7/11/2008
Meh, don't change the Barack Obama thing. I mean, whatever.
So that was cool. Really really cool. I wish I could be more eloquent but the 'This thing is cool' line keeps going through my head.
Your story is very engaging. As someone else said, I'm looking forward to seeing where you go with this - how it becomes sci fi and all. I like that the presidential candidate was shaking with fear. It's not how I imagine presidential candidates, but your portrayal seems more human.
Your writing is also very good. I will probably have more suggestions in the future, but for right now, all I have to say is that I wish you didn't use the line, "the floor became closer and closer and then bang!" because I think there is a better way to end that sentence than "bang!", which frankly, is a little comic-book-like and threw it off. However, that's my only caveat.
| the good dr chapter 1 . 7/9/2008
YOU CAN NOT HAVE NON FICTION PEOPLE IN A FICTION STORY, IT IS A CITE RULE. (look it up). That doesn't mean you couldn't quote them, or talk about them in a historical sense. It's under rule 4 of entries not allowed. So all you have to do is edit a line or two and you're good to go.
Cite rules aside, I do like what you did in the last part of the chapter. I like where this is going.
signed the good dr.
| BolognaGuy chapter 1 . 7/9/2008
lol, there was an ad at the bottom of the page with a picture of Barack Obama when I was reading this.
I like this prologue - the cliffhanger is a nice touch.
I'm excited to see how the story will move into the sci-fi genre. Keep on writing!