|Reviews for we rub our hands in desperation|
| loves him chapter 1 . 8/11/2008
[swallows my toes] and [collide with stick legs] make her sound so fragile, like she'll break at the slightest touch or be consumed if the earth moves too much.
[long forgotten tourists] if she remembers the tourists, then i wonder how long she has been alone, standing on this beach.
how she misses you.] Is there meaning behind your formatting? I'm asking, because all of your words seem like you've thought about them and so, you'd probably consider spacing to be of importance as well.
Your words weave a picture and again, it is obvious that thought has gone into each word. I really enjoy that, because most of the time (unfortunately) authors don't consider that too much. Great job.
| Ernest Bloom chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
Got some insightful reviews here. My question is this: she says she misses you in amongst layers of sand? Face down and muttering buried in a beach...I don't think so.
| catewigs chapter 1 . 7/16/2008
A few suggestions, perhaps?
Try not to overuse 'and', unless you have a good reason to do it. This piece seems to desire to be more sharp and abrupt, but the 'ands' really spoil that, in addition to distracting from the images you're projecting.
Generally, I like the image you've used. The ocean's almost hypnotic song seems to echo both the unforgiving, as well as the pain of drawing air into your lungs (as the waves are drawn repeatedly back into the sea) when you're in the midst of a troubled relationship. Ties nicely in with the end line. Although, I'm not really sure what feeling you're trying to project- that is also kind of blurry. When you say 'how she misses you', is it meant to be comforting, hurtful, or detached?
| Yasona Black chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
I like it. I love how it is written, but i want more to it. I want more to the story. i love the title, but there's nothing about hands in the story, and i don't feel the desperation...
| empathic life chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
I love the imagery you used in this, and how you painted the setting. The entire poem seems quite disconnected from the last three lines, but that's certainly the beauty of it. I felt a sense of timelessness throughout, from the ocean's secrets to the forgotten tourists. It seemed so... desolate. Tragically poignant. All in all, a lovely poem, although I would've liked to have seen even more description of the setting, to create a bit more contrast between the detachment of the majority of the poem and the sudden intimacy the last three lines introduce.
| Ashelin chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
I liked the ocean imagery you used. Though when you said "stick legs" it made me feel as if you should float away, fragile and thin against the ever persistent sea. Not sure if you wanted that, but that's what my mind does, I suppose. It was interesting how you made the ocean a woman, though honestly I suppose many people do. I though it was sort of short and vague, leaving perhaps too much room for our minds to wander, but that can also be something to admire in a poem. Overall I think you did well. Good job.
| LadyRini478 chapter 1 . 7/13/2008
This was absolutely beautiful! The imagery was perfect and so serene, I loved it!
| CRaZy-OdIN chapter 1 . 7/13/2008