|Reviews for Daydream|
| tonight we bloom chapter 1 . 7/21/2009
i like this poem. i like how it makes me feel and you have great emotion & description in your work.
i would love opinions from a writer like yourself on my work, it would really mean a lot!
| drops of rain chapter 1 . 7/10/2009
Breathtaking scenery. I could almost feel the wind and see the hills.
| crazyman12 chapter 1 . 5/12/2009
hmm, I seem to owe you another review :P well, here it goes.
I really did enjoy this piece simply because you have described daydreams so vividly. The imagery was superb, especially in "let the emotions whip like the winds". Good use of alliteration!
One thing: in the third stanza second line I believe you meant to take out the space between "with" and "out". still, lovely work. can't wait to read more!
| Isca chapter 1 . 2/16/2009
Descriptions/Images: "Let the emotions whip like the winds." The connection between feelings and nature here is very moving. It's a captivating simile that began the poem well. :)
Word Choice: "Let the tumbling hills, rivers, lakes, assault your vision." I absolutely LOVE this line. It's sacred and profound. I see what you were trying to do with 'hills, rivers, lakes,' but I think the line might flow better if only one of those words was present.
Flow: "It has no rules, Is but freedom tangible, Then not." This part doesn't flow particularly well. It has a stream-of-consciousness feel to it, which I like, but it needs to be revised. What about, "It has no rules; it is but tangible freedom"?
Tone: "A span of idealism, limitless." Being an idealist myself, I felt very connected to this line. The tone here is very mystical, joyful, and even thought-provoking.
Keep up the great work,
(The Review Game - Poems - Depth)
| empty tea bottles chapter 1 . 1/24/2009
"Let the tumbling hills, rivers, lakes
Assault your vision."
Wow, that's a fantastic image. It flowed so effortlessly, too.
I feel you could omit some of those commas in the second stanza. They seem to break up the flow a bit. Like here:
"A mix of fantasy and realism,
Has no rules,"
I think it'd read so much more smoothly is you just omitted those two commas.
I also agree that this stanza wasn't as vivid as the first. It just lacks those fresh images, you know?
"Like living in a cage,
Except with out the bars,
A span of idealism,
This flows wonderfully. Good job.
I'm not sure what I think about the last two lines. They seem to tie everything together perfectly, but then I start to feel you could have put more strength into them. Regardless, great poem. :)
| ChapeauVert chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
I like it, too! Great job :)
| empathic life chapter 1 . 7/14/2008
I loved the first and last stanzas. Not so much the second... It didn't have the same imagery flow as the others, if that makes sense. The last two lines were definitely my favorite. This may not have been intended in such a way, but this poem feels rather universal, like it could be applied to anything... I like poems like that, because it gives the reader a chance to contribute... If that made any sense.
Personally, free verse is my favorite. And if you like to write free verse, then the fact that no one else does shouldn't matter. If they don't like free verse, they can write their own poems. Honestly, though, the trick to free verse is finding the little devices that make it flow, like alliteration, random bits of rhyming, stuff like that. That's what I do (not that it really helps ), and I think it makes the poem easier to read. But that's just me.
Regardless, lovely poem.