|Reviews for The Mother Cat|
| May Elizabeth chapter 1 . 8/30/2008
I see where you tried to accompish with the fable, but it needs some work.
Show us don't tell us. Work in a little more descriptions and perhaps show us the old woman feeding the mother cat, and then the old woman deciding to stop feeding the cat. Perhaps some more dialogue, like perhaps the grey kitten trying to warn his mother.
This is a good start, and has a potential for being a really great fable. I hope this helps.
| Heretic Shredder chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
Very good! It's simple, but with an important message, the perfect fable. Perhaps you are another Aesop in the making...XD
| writewithcourage chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
This was really good, but sad because the mother cat died. The moral of the story was well written, too. I liked it. :)
| Tristan-the-Dreamer chapter 1 . 7/16/2008
I was suspicious as to why the mouse would be so clueless, but you explained how the mouse was young. Brilliant prediction of readers' minds!
Since you are writing this in a simple, fable style, leaving out details like weather and time of day, and also you have the cat called "Mother," it seems it would be more fitting for the kitten to be called "Child," or something symbolic and simple like that, rather than an actual name.
I do wonder why the old woman became tired of the cat; it wasn't scratching her or anything, was it? Seems a bit arbitrary...maybe she should mutter something like, "I thought it would be nice to put out food for that cat and her young ones, but now I'm going hungry myself! I'll have to stop this."
Also, I was surprised at how quickly the mother cat felt the hunger. She seems to be a good hunter, and I wouldn't think the sudden deprivation of handouts would hit her that hard. Maybe because she needs to catch so much food for her kittens...?
Oh wait, I get it now. The old woman was annoyed at the cat because she was rude and made a big mess! Okay, good. Let's see here...
Alright, I have not yet looked at your ending notes, so here's a chance for me to guess what the morals are!
1. When people are generous to you, be grateful and respect them, or you may lose their favor.
2. Do not be proud; if you need help, be grateful for the assistance that is given to you. Don't try to act like you're stronger than you are.
Okay, I'll go see if I'm right! XD
This was sad but interesting, and that little gray kitten seems quite smart!
| Halan Lore chapter 1 . 7/16/2008
I found it a nice story... albeit a bit sad, but I liked the morals mixed in and all. It was still good.
| Rose Warne chapter 1 . 7/16/2008
Poor mama cat...
Er, cats aside, I think you did a good job on this short story! It's got a feel like Aesop's tales, y'know? Good choice of voice for the narration. The dialoge especially struck me and marked it as a fabel- That and the semi-tragic yet fitting end, of course. So, very good, especially for a first short story.