Reviews for Picture
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 2 . 12/27/2008
Hm... this one does not do as well as the drawing poem did. :( Probably because the words used for writing just aren't as sexy. Nobody moans "oh verbs"... kee hee. XP

"I would make you fiction" is a good line, though, 'cause it's all romantic. :P

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
Jesse the Storyteller chapter 1 . 12/27/2008
Bah how dare they move the review button. Grr. Anyway.

"But your wife might not approve" ... bahahahahahahaha. I love this, and also ditto the sentiment to my theology professor. Cough cough cough. Moving on.

"I want to memorize the lines of you" is absolutely beautiful. I love it. Permission to use it on my boyfriend? Baha.

The words used to describe the drawing are aggressive words - it is a great word choice 'cause it speaks of frustration.

I think you could use more commas at the ends of some of your lines, since I got a little confused in the middle as to when your thoughts began and ended. :)

-Jesse

Attack of the review marathon! (link in profile)
Firetrap chapter 1 . 9/28/2008
Simple yet lovely. (: The las line was phenominal. I was concentrating lightly, and all of a sudden I get to laugh at that pretty turn-around. I adored how it was a description of what you wanted to do to him, and to me it sounded subtly erotic, but in a pure and light sort of way, if that makes sense. "Lightening Eyes" was a fantastic peice of imagery, and clashes perfectly with "Human Ears". If he isn't fictional, then he doesn't seem real, and if he has a wife, then to you he probably doesn't appear to be real, not in entirety, because a part of her is with you, and you only have a beautiful transparent ghost. Sorry, I'm reading into things that aren't there. Nice work mate. ;]
simpleplan13 chapter 2 . 8/22/2008
I'm not sure why, but I think I like the other one better. Anyhow, I love the idea of one about art and one about writing, it's really interesting and they work really well together. I also like all your literary terms and the way you used them. nice job.
Isca chapter 2 . 8/13/2008
"But your wife might not approve." Phenomenal final line! :)
Literate Barbarian chapter 2 . 8/11/2008
I think I like this better than the first one. The verbs you use here are really catching. The buildup to the line "I would make you fiction—" just works and gives a lot of force to what's meant by that.
abandoned and forgotten chapter 1 . 7/28/2008
Nice twist on the end there, I like it. I also love how you've got different but simple details in so few words; excellent imagery!
simpleplan13 chapter 1 . 7/19/2008
I LOVE the last line, it was so unexpected and a bit funny. Definitely took the piece to a different place.

I liked the rest of it as well because your descriptions are so unique and beautiful. I especially love "stubble-dots" and "lightening eyes."

PS If your bored check out the Review Game and/or it's Review Marathon (link in my profile).
RNE chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
I like it. Especially the last line: it's well placed and written
Isca chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
"Lightning Eyes." Stunning imagery!

"I would draw you, but your wife might not approve." This last line is INCREDIBLE!

This is a Masterpiece! :D

Isca
dragonflydreamer chapter 1 . 7/17/2008
The Roadhouse is running out of beer! Follow the link in my profile to help save it (and spread reviews all around fp!)

This reminds me of Titanic. I like it :)

Your descriptions are lovely. I like how it's all described from an artist's point of view. It helps me visualize both the person and a drawing of him. I wish you had added some more of them, though.

The flow of this was nice. The way you worded everything reminded me of strokes of a pencil or paintbrush. They flowed smoothly like a single stroke, then paused slightly to start a new one. I might not be making any sense, so I'll just say that it's nice and reminds me of the topic. Then, the last line was dropped suddenly and interrupted the flow, as well as the narrator's fantasies.

Very nice job!